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2012-08-04 11:03 AM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

phoenixazul - 2012-08-04 9:43 PM Hi everyone...long time reader, sometimes commenter, etc. I've finally given up and started seeing someone about my depression/anxiety. And I think that it is a good thing. I don't know if I'm "better", but I'm maybe in the process of getting sorted. It just all seems so hard right now. In addition to dealing with all of the mental stuff, I'm getting really wound around the spokes about my diabetes, feeling super burned out on the whole process, all the negative news, all of the stupid uninformed opinions...and I can't be the diabetes cheerleader all the time. No, cinnamon won't cure me. No, diet and exercise won't cure me (you'd think after 7 marathons I'd be cured...no?). And no, I DON'T want to hear about how your grandma's feet rotted off! What makes you think that that is something I want to hear? Do you think that will inspire me? Ugh. Keep your crazy crunchy granola faux cures to yourself, because I have to tell you, they won't work and diverting the conversation from actual medication, treatment, and management is unhelpful! Further, I'm tired of being the carer for everyone. My husband has had this big freelance project, which basically has meant that I've been 100% responsible for the upkeep of the house, the groceries, the laundry, the dog, the cooking, the dishes, the cars, the lawn, etc. And I understand that it's because he's working, but oh yeah, I'm working two jobs as well. I'm tired and resentful. I want some help. I want to be noticed and appreciated for my contributions, not just because they're what I'm supposed to do. I can't wait until he's done with this bloody project so I can see him for more than the 15 minutes it takes to eat dinner while I spend an hour cleaning up. Add to this that my MIL was diagnosed with cancer last week. We thought she had maybe slipped a disk or torn something in her neck, but no, it's a bloody tumor on her spine. We don't know the specifics (what type, etc) but it's likely lung cancer since she's smoked for 40 years (quit 5 years ago). She's also the caregiver for my FIL, because he's basically homebound, terrible diabetic, constant smoker. And there's the rub. Because she can't drive or lift or do anything right now, we're (read: me) the caregivers for both of them. We became caregivers in 48 hrs with no warning. And now we're having to battle with FIL to quit smoking, because there's absolutely no bloody point in us treating MIL's cancer if he's going to continue to smoke a pack a day. It's ridiculous. It's hurtful. It's frustrating. And I'm not ready for it. I'm worried about the impact on my career and everything else (stress on our marriage, etc). And it will be me, because my job isn't a "real job" and I can "just take off" for appointments and stuff like that....and they feel that way because I'm not 9-5 salary, they think I'll "find a job one day"...despite the fact that I've incorporated and had great success with my consulting. It's not that I don't want to help, I do, in fact I'm happy to, but I don't want it to be all me. So there it is. Things are slowly getting better, but getting dragged down by life. I keep trying, but I wish the wins would come faster than the failures.

Oh Tracey. Painful, painful, painful. Any one of those things is huge, but all put together, nearly unbearable. It's a testament to your character that you can still say "things are slowly getting better" ... to me it looks like that's because YOU are getting better.

I'm not one to mince words and Lord knows it's easy to make grand statements from the outside, but ... my .02. Have a heart-to-heart with hubby. Open with what you appreciate about him; keep your statements in terms of "I" feelings, "I feel X because X and X ... " but also be very clear that you cannot do what you've been doing. Let the laundry and dishes pile up. Use paper plates. Ignore the lawn.  (If those things bother you, it's on you). If he's getting any more than 4-5 hours sleep a night (and working every single minute besides), in this situation, you guys can't afford it. He's got to stretch; after all, it's HIS parents.

Speaking of which ... put your foot down there. If he's not willing to, then he can take care of them himself or do whatever he needs to do to hire someone. FIL buys his own cigarettes and smokes them away from the house; if not, too bad. You're not there. Stuff like that.

And for the crunchy know-it-alls ... look 'em in the eye, say, "You're wrong," and walk away.

Anyhow. Do whatever you need to do to take care of you, acknowledge your needs, etc. It sounds like there are a lot of extremely stressful demands on you right now, when you're in a period of difficulty and transition yourself, and try to give yourself as much latitude within that tight spot as possible.



2012-08-04 3:22 PM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Ummmm, hi.  I suppose I should give a short bio for those of you who don't know me.  I'm Erica.  I am 33, married to a Navy guy whose deployed for 14 months, have 3 kids, the two youngest have special needs and I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety and alcohol dependence/abuse.  I am on med's for all three.  I had been doing really, really well...up until two weeks ago.  My mood deteriorated and then I got some bad news regarding my son's school placement for the fall and I started drinking again.  I am just in a major funk and can't get out of it.  I see my doctor on Monday and my therapist on Tuesday but it still seems too far away. 

I'm not sure what I am looking for from you all but at least I know you all can understand to some extent.  I just hate feeling like life is not worth living but can't seem to figure out how to make the feeling go away.

2012-08-04 8:12 PM
in reply to: #4347065

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Hey, Erica -

Know that we're here listening. Know that we're in or have been in the same place as you are. Know that Monday is coming soon.

Any chance you can get someone to keep the kids for an hour tomorrow just to get a little space for yourself? (If I was anywhere in your neck of the woods, I'd be there in a heartbeat.)
2012-08-05 12:11 AM
in reply to: #1319576

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Tracey- why does it seem like everything happens at once?? When things are going really well I always wonder when that will change...a lot of us are just listening and nodding and sympathizing. If you've just recently started meds than - unfortunately- they may take some time. Funny...when I hadn't seen the doctor in a while and I finally made an appt - my mood would go up. Heh.
Husband - i'll relay a recent story and hope this illustrates my point. Dave (my hubby : D) is usually the type that holds in his feelings until he blows up. I can usually tell when something is bothering...then again more times than not I end up nagging him to make sure there isn't anything bothering him....but I digress. A few weeks ago I noticed we were really snipping at each other - or rather him towards me. I said - ok what's the deal?!? It came out that he felt like he was doing everything around here. I replied calmly...Have I ever said no when you've asked me to do something?? Oh...no....he said. And I also realized because he was training for a big ride- he kinda slept, ate, worked and trained. So while his chore load hadn't increased - his time decreased. My point wasn't that he (or you) is wrong for how you're feeling...you may just not be doing things to help. As Yanti said- chat with him. And "I" statements are always good. (Check out The Dance of Anger- I might be able to share a copy that I bought on iTunes a while back - audio- just pm me.) And as for the granola crunchers- I'd be tempted to be snarky and say something like. Huh! And to think all these millions of dollars spent on research to cure diabetes and all it takes is one pill. You should probably contact the medical community and let them know they can move on. Or just say something as simple as- it's always giving advice when you don't truly understand the issue.

Erica- I can not imagine being in your position. And we all can give you lots of advice but my question to you is - what helps? Reach to your coping skills and put them to action. Do you have a goood friend or relative (close by) that can help out? Either by encouragement or helping out around the house? Or think about what your husband would say. Would he be dissapointed? I'm guessing...would he be supportive to get you feeling better?!? I sure hope so! What about support groups? Navy wives? AA? Codepence groups?? Etc. You've stopped drinking before - you can do it again. And you won't be alone.

Both of you: Keep posting when you need to or to let us know your future wins and losses!

Edited by lkct01234 2012-08-05 12:14 AM
2012-08-05 12:16 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
lkct01234 - 2012-08-05 1:11 AM
Erica- I can not imagine being in your position. And we all can give you lots of advice but my question to you is - what helps? Reach to your coping skills and put them to action. Do you have a goood friend or relative (close by) that can help out? Either by encouragement or helping out around the house? Or think about what your husband would say. Would he be dissapointed? I'm guessing...would he be supportive to get you feeling better?!? I sure hope so! What about support groups? Navy wives? AA? Codepence groups?? Etc. You've stopped drinking before - you can do it again. And you won't be alone.

Both of you: Keep posting when you need to or to let us know your future wins and losses!


Yeah, Navy wives are to be avoided (not all of them of course but most that I know should be avoided at all cost) and I can't go to AA while my kids are home.  Once the kids are in school it will help as I will be able to go to AA or group while they are in school. 

I do not have anyone who can take the kids.  My middle son is very unstable and can be quiet violent and very unpredictable.  I am not comfortable with him being with anyone other than me or a trained professional. 

But, I now that the sun will rise again, it's only a matter of time and therapy and med's all come into that.  We  have 6 weeks of deployment done, only 50+ more to go! 
2012-08-05 12:49 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

ebshot - 2012-08-06 1:16 AM
lkct01234 - 2012-08-05 1:11 AM
Erica- I can not imagine being in your position. And we all can give you lots of advice but my question to you is - what helps? Reach to your coping skills and put them to action. Do you have a goood friend or relative (close by) that can help out? Either by encouragement or helping out around the house? Or think about what your husband would say. Would he be dissapointed? I'm guessing...would he be supportive to get you feeling better?!? I sure hope so! What about support groups? Navy wives? AA? Codepence groups?? Etc. You've stopped drinking before - you can do it again. And you won't be alone.

Both of you: Keep posting when you need to or to let us know your future wins and losses!


Yeah, Navy wives are to be avoided (not all of them of course but most that I know should be avoided at all cost) and I can't go to AA while my kids are home.  Once the kids are in school it will help as I will be able to go to AA or group while they are in school. 

I do not have anyone who can take the kids.  My middle son is very unstable and can be quiet violent and very unpredictable.  I am not comfortable with him being with anyone other than me or a trained professional. 

But, I now that the sun will rise again, it's only a matter of time and therapy and med's all come into that.  We  have 6 weeks of deployment done, only 50+ more to go! 

{{{MELON PRESS}}}

There's a quote out there, "Depression isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you've been too strong for too long."

Erica, you are one of the strongest and most amazing people I know. The fact you can even close out with the bolded statement is a great testament to your fundamental character.

You are DOING fantastic. I promise that the feelings of not wanting to live will pass.

I'll leave you with something from Al-Anon (AA's "sister" program, for families and friends of alcoholics):

"Just for today I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."

Just for today. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time. Right at this very moment, you ARE okay and you can DO okay, no matter how bad things are or how you feel.



2012-08-05 6:26 PM
in reply to: #4347756

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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
TriAya - 2012-08-05 1:49 PM

ebshot - 2012-08-06 1:16 AM
lkct01234 - 2012-08-05 1:11 AM
Erica- I can not imagine being in your position. And we all can give you lots of advice but my question to you is - what helps? Reach to your coping skills and put them to action. Do you have a goood friend or relative (close by) that can help out? Either by encouragement or helping out around the house? Or think about what your husband would say. Would he be dissapointed? I'm guessing...would he be supportive to get you feeling better?!? I sure hope so! What about support groups? Navy wives? AA? Codepence groups?? Etc. You've stopped drinking before - you can do it again. And you won't be alone.

Both of you: Keep posting when you need to or to let us know your future wins and losses!


Yeah, Navy wives are to be avoided (not all of them of course but most that I know should be avoided at all cost) and I can't go to AA while my kids are home.  Once the kids are in school it will help as I will be able to go to AA or group while they are in school. 

I do not have anyone who can take the kids.  My middle son is very unstable and can be quiet violent and very unpredictable.  I am not comfortable with him being with anyone other than me or a trained professional. 

But, I know that the sun will rise again, it's only a matter of time and therapy and med's all come into that.  We  have 6 weeks of deployment done, only 50+ more to go! 

{{{MELON PRESS}}}

There's a quote out there, "Depression isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign that you've been too strong for too long."

Erica, you are one of the strongest and most amazing people I know. The fact you can even close out with the bolded statement is a great testament to your fundamental character.

You are DOING fantastic. I promise that the feelings of not wanting to live will pass.

I'll leave you with something from Al-Anon (AA's "sister" program, for families and friends of alcoholics):

"Just for today I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."

Just for today. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time. Right at this very moment, you ARE okay and you can DO okay, no matter how bad things are or how you feel.


Thank you Yanti.  As always you have amazing words of wisdom to share.  One of these days we will meet in person and I will be able to try to tell you thank you for all that you have done foe me. 

I have had a craptastic day but it is my own doing.  Tomorrow is another day and I know it will be better.

2012-08-06 12:06 AM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Hi all,

 

First time posting in here (with some trepidation). I have had a history of mild depression for some time, I suppose. Have had some anti depressants in the past, but really did not feel they made a great deal of differance. But latley I just feel my life is out of control, and not in a good way. I was always able in the past to boost my buisness with some hard work, make my home life happy and relaxed with some concentration, have time with friends and family. But latley, I feel like I am putting 100% in to all of these things, with little to no results. In fact they all seam to be getting worse. Home is chaos, stressed demanding wife, a four year old that I love with all my life, but she just does not have an off switch, little to no time for anything or anyone else, little to no time for myself, and a buisness that is just barely getting by no matter what I do. I just feel so overwhealmed and swamped.

 

To add to it all, I am just a lard , and I can not seam to improve it. I did crossfit for about 18 months (12 months quite dedicated) and yet I am exactly where I started. I have always wanted to do a tri, but I am finding it really hard to find the time to fit in training. Then I miss workouts. Then I feel even worse.

 

I know no one but me can change all of this, but I just wanted a safe place to have a sook, so thank you for allowing me that.

2012-08-11 9:18 AM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
alburyscott - 2012-08-06 1:06 AM

Hi all,

 

First time posting in here (with some trepidation). I have had a history of mild depression for some time, I suppose. Have had some anti depressants in the past, but really did not feel they made a great deal of differance. But latley I just feel my life is out of control, and not in a good way. I was always able in the past to boost my buisness with some hard work, make my home life happy and relaxed with some concentration, have time with friends and family. But latley, I feel like I am putting 100% in to all of these things, with little to no results. In fact they all seam to be getting worse. Home is chaos, stressed demanding wife, a four year old that I love with all my life, but she just does not have an off switch, little to no time for anything or anyone else, little to no time for myself, and a buisness that is just barely getting by no matter what I do. I just feel so overwhealmed and swamped.

 

To add to it all, I am just a lard , and I can not seam to improve it. I did crossfit for about 18 months (12 months quite dedicated) and yet I am exactly where I started. I have always wanted to do a tri, but I am finding it really hard to find the time to fit in training. Then I miss workouts. Then I feel even worse.

 

I know no one but me can change all of this, but I just wanted a safe place to have a sook, so thank you for allowing me that.

I've always battled with the whole "lard" thing. I'd be doing well then fall into a bout of depression or my mood would swing and id miss workouts, not because I didnt have time, but because I didnt care at that moment or for that day. Working towards a better self image doesnt work for me. How could it when you dont care about yourself? The only thing that worked for me was setting goals. By goals I mean, sign up for a race (no matter how small) and train for that. I have enough worries and phobias pushing me that I would actually train pretty regularly and eat well. I just cant handle failing, and I certainly wont fail at a solo sport. Its a bit twisted but on the depressed days i use the exercise as a form of punishment, kinda beating myself up for all the things im thinking about. I know its not the right thing to do but in the end Im doing something that is overall better for me. Sometimes the depression and fears will work in your favor, just figure out how to manipulate yours.

2012-08-11 7:09 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Hi everyone. Good to see this is still an active thread. I just found it today, and all of your posts give me hope, and inspired me to post.

I have a history of PTSD and hypothroidism, and in the past have tried to manage things the best I could...counseling, exercise, healthy diet ect. But I've been in a pressure cooker for a few years. I have been working a super high stress job that requires massive OT, and am on a very restrictive contract that limits my time off, no sick time, ect. It's not a healthy situation. Unfortunately if I leave I will have to pay them about $10,000 in tail insurance...which we do not have now because my husband has not worked in about 3 years. Needless to say the marriage is beyond stressful, the house is falling apart with me working all of these hours, and I feel very depressed. To top it all off my POS bike died around mile 104 during ironman lake placid a few weeks ago leading to a DNF. So the thing I turned to in order to manage my mental issues has now set me over the edge. I really can't get any time away from work to see a doctor right now ( I train after 10pm and before 5am in case anyone is wondering) so I started taking St. John's Sort yesterday. And tomorrow I will go to church. Everyday I am going to try to take one step in the right direction.

Well thanks for reading. I think writing helps a bit too.
2012-08-15 9:43 AM
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I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.


2012-08-15 11:45 AM
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TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 10:43 PM I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.

{MELON PRESS} Ted ...

I really hope the Wellbutrin helps, and quickly.

You are an awesome person and awesome parent. You're a triathlete, and you always have a kind word for everyone no matter how dark your own world seems. Your wife rocks--she's a great person and does roller derby! Your children are fortunate to have parents that are loving, that provide for them, and are just plain damn FUN.

A teeny tiny Yanti storytime ... one side of my family is all whacko and the other side is all whacko and alcoholic to boot. So my parents procreate ... my mom was 43 when she had me, so she had amniocentesis at 5mos (considered high-risk b/c of her age). Guess what ... I have an extra chromosome and it's one of the reaaaaally baaaad ones.

She was strongly encouraged to abort, but my folks felt like they had enough resources to support a special needs child if I were to live, and whatever happened was God's will anyway.

Well, life's been a basketful of colorful diagnoses rather than roses, but THANK GOD they did decide to procreate, that they did decide to have me specifically, and THANK GOD for YOU being my friend and making that tipping difference in so many times of pain and darkness for me.

Your son and daughter are so very, very, very blessed/lucky/all of the above to have life, and have you, and while each of our experiences are different, I would not choose to live life any other way even if I got to pick all the factors before. Every seeming curse has in its season yielded a host of unexpected gifts.

Like you. (HA! Not that you're a seeming curse ... but that a seeming curse was what brought you into my life).

2012-08-15 12:31 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
TriAya - 2012-08-15 11:45 AM

TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 10:43 PM I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.

{MELON PRESS} Ted ...

I really hope the Wellbutrin helps, and quickly.

You are an awesome person and awesome parent. You're a triathlete, and you always have a kind word for everyone no matter how dark your own world seems. Your wife rocks--she's a great person and does roller derby! Your children are fortunate to have parents that are loving, that provide for them, and are just plain damn FUN.

A teeny tiny Yanti storytime ... one side of my family is all whacko and the other side is all whacko and alcoholic to boot. So my parents procreate ... my mom was 43 when she had me, so she had amniocentesis at 5mos (considered high-risk b/c of her age). Guess what ... I have an extra chromosome and it's one of the reaaaaally baaaad ones.

She was strongly encouraged to abort, but my folks felt like they had enough resources to support a special needs child if I were to live, and whatever happened was God's will anyway.

Well, life's been a basketful of colorful diagnoses rather than roses, but THANK GOD they did decide to procreate, that they did decide to have me specifically, and THANK GOD for YOU being my friend and making that tipping difference in so many times of pain and darkness for me.

Your son and daughter are so very, very, very blessed/lucky/all of the above to have life, and have you, and while each of our experiences are different, I would not choose to live life any other way even if I got to pick all the factors before. Every seeming curse has in its season yielded a host of unexpected gifts.

Like you. (HA! Not that you're a seeming curse ... but that a seeming curse was what brought you into my life).

Seriously think you are the best person in the world! (Aside from my kids and wife!)  You kick *ss!  Thank you.



Edited by TeddieMao 2012-08-15 12:32 PM
2012-08-15 2:50 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 10:43 AM I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.

I can relate Ted.  My 8 year old was diagnosed with Depression/ADHD and a mood disorder this past year.  It isn't fun but with the help of therapy and medication we have seen a huge change in him.  He went from isolating himself all the time, refusing to go to school, not sleeping and crying a lot to being able to participate with the family, back to school, sleeping and the crying is less.  Now don't get my wrong, thing's aren't perfect but it is better. 

Hang in there!
2012-08-15 8:19 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
ebshot - 2012-08-04 4:22 PM

Ummmm, hi.  I suppose I should give a short bio for those of you who don't know me.  I'm Erica.  I am 33, married to a Navy guy whose deployed for 14 months, have 3 kids, the two youngest have special needs and I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety and alcohol dependence/abuse.  I am on med's for all three.  I had been doing really, really well...up until two weeks ago.  My mood deteriorated and then I got some bad news regarding my son's school placement for the fall and I started drinking again.  I am just in a major funk and can't get out of it.  I see my doctor on Monday and my therapist on Tuesday but it still seems too far away. 

I'm not sure what I am looking for from you all but at least I know you all can understand to some extent.  I just hate feeling like life is not worth living but can't seem to figure out how to make the feeling go away.

I'm certain a lot of people thank your husband for serving our country.  I want to thank YOU for also sacrificing in the service of our country. It is often harder on the spouse than it is on our military personnel.  Your service is just as important!!   Not everyone can do it but you can because you are special.  That is often hard to remember through the fog of depression.  I keep reminding myself that - "At your lowest point there is only one way to go....UP!!"  Thank you again.

2012-08-15 10:05 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

ebshot - 2012-08-15 2:50 PM
TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 10:43 AM I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.

I can relate Ted.  My 8 year old was diagnosed with Depression/ADHD and a mood disorder this past year.  It isn't fun but with the help of therapy and medication we have seen a huge change in him.  He went from isolating himself all the time, refusing to go to school, not sleeping and crying a lot to being able to participate with the family, back to school, sleeping and the crying is less.  Now don't get my wrong, thing's aren't perfect but it is better. 

Hang in there!

Thank you Erica!  My two sisters were Navy wives (in Groton) so I know how hard it is to be both mom and dad while your spouse is away.  You must be so strong but I hope you allow yourself some time to breath. I know it is hard but you owe it to yourself!

I am so happy to hear about your son's successful progress, it gives me hope.  Just hoping things get better.  For all of us!



2012-08-16 1:05 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 10:43 AM

I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.


No no no, this is not you. It's just a "thing". I hear this a ton from parents when their kid is diagnosed T1D, they go back and analyze every thing they've ever done, every diet, every vaccine, every hospital stay, and agonize over how they could have "caused" this. Sometimes, things just happen. But think of it this way, you guys have the experience to build on to help him. You recognize this as something "real" and something that is troubling to him. You haven't tried to force him to hide it or "just be happy". That's great. It means everyone involved can seek and get the help they need. Also: it speaks volumes that he felt comfortable and safe coming to you guys and vocalizing it, rather than hiding it.

Good luck for all.
2012-08-17 1:55 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
To all of you depressed parents dealing with depressed kids I want to say thank you. If my parents hadnt known about depression my life wouldnt be nearly as  good as it is. Because of their understanding and willingness to accept me I was able to get the help i needed at 11 years old. I cant tell you how important it was to me to have parents I could talk to without them flipping out or trying to bury it. Im now 26, Im still really Fd up, but I am still here.
2012-08-17 4:28 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
I wish that my parents had understood my brother better. He's had a tough life, in part because his mood disorder manifested in about 6th grade and noone understood it - they thought he was just a hassle. (My own depression/bipolar didn't show up until later, so I was on my own.)

Keep up the good work, all you parents.
2012-08-17 10:13 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!
Wow, just reading this makes me feel better (and feel the need to harden up a bit). At least my wife and daughter are healthy and happy, it is just me who is messed up! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you are an inspiration. I do not know how I would cope if my little miss was sad/depressed or unhealthily. You are amazing people
2012-08-25 9:40 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

TeddieMao - 2012-08-15 7:43 AM I hope everyone is well.  I just recently went back on Welbutrin XL.  We'll see how that goes.  Last year my son was diagnosed with ADHD.  I know, I know, every kid is diagnosed with that but the signs, unfortunately, are there.  Both the wife and I have always been fearful that since we both suffer from depression, our children will too.  Well last night, my son came into our room and told my wife that sometimes he has bad thoughts that he just can't get out of his head.  Not violent or dangerous ones just bad or sad.  This about crushed me.  I feel like I am responsible for this.  The one consolation we have is that he acknowledged it and we can now work with him.  So now with all the bad crap going on in my head, I have this unbelievable sense of guilt.  Well that is my whine for the day.  Thanks for listening.

To my FAVORITE muddy buddy. First off, man I am glad that my friend backed out and your partner didn't end up doing it - I lost contact with that friend shortly after - but I get to hear from you. :-) Good or bad!

I'm actually glad to hear your back on a medicine. And I've done well with Wellbutrin in the past - its what I lost significant amount of weight...at least the first time I was on it. I know that a lot of people feel better and get better due to homeopathic and diet adjustment...but I feel for a lot of us "crazies" we just need chemicals. I can seriously tell by the end of the day when I haven't taken my meds in the morning. 

DT and I have recently been doing the "should we? should we not?" in regards to a little T. (He has an 11 yr old daughter from a prior marriage.) I had - in recent years - been in the "its not for me" camp, but after spending time with that man - I wanted to have a little one of us. However, its like we have multiple strikes against us - his age, my moods - which lead to medicines not normally recommended during pregnancy...I'll get to my point - one of the doctors/people I've discussed this with explained to me that there is a chance that this child won't have any mood issues/disorders - HOWEVER...if he/she did - you'd know the warning signs/symptoms.

And as someone else said - the fact that your son feels comfortable in telling you is FANTASTIC.

Good luck - keep us posted!!



2012-08-25 9:57 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

LaniR - 2012-08-11 5:09 PM Hi everyone. Good to see this is still an active thread. I just found it today, and all of your posts give me hope, and inspired me to post. I have a history of PTSD and hypothroidism, and in the past have tried to manage things the best I could...counseling, exercise, healthy diet ect. But I've been in a pressure cooker for a few years. I have been working a super high stress job that requires massive OT, and am on a very restrictive contract that limits my time off, no sick time, ect. It's not a healthy situation. Unfortunately if I leave I will have to pay them about $10,000 in tail insurance...which we do not have now because my husband has not worked in about 3 years. Needless to say the marriage is beyond stressful, the house is falling apart with me working all of these hours, and I feel very depressed. To top it all off my POS bike died around mile 104 during ironman lake placid a few weeks ago leading to a DNF. So the thing I turned to in order to manage my mental issues has now set me over the edge. I really can't get any time away from work to see a doctor right now ( I train after 10pm and before 5am in case anyone is wondering) so I started taking St. John's Sort yesterday. And tomorrow I will go to church. Everyday I am going to try to take one step in the right direction. Well thanks for reading. I think writing helps a bit too.

Lani - I think it looked like you didn't get a lot of response. Please don't take it personally. It sounds like you need a sounding board and it sounds like you are doing everything you can. I recently was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome - while that has little to no correlation with my depression/bipolar II - it makes me wonder why it took 30 years for me to develop intolerances leading to regular (or irregular - hehe) stomach stuff. I wonder if it's stress - but I really can't figure out what exactly is the cause. But it is amazing what our bodies due to us when we're under mental fatigue.

I think right now I can only make suggestions  - although it sounds as if you are doing everything you can do. However - one thing that just popped into my head. I wonder if instead of training so early and so late - would longer sleep on a regular basis help? I know physical fatigue can cause issues. However - I realize balance is always good fitting in good rest and regular exercise...however, that saying about burning at both ends of the candle?!?!

Another thought - it sounds like your job is crazy! Anyway you can take 5 to 10 minutes and take a walk? Or just take a few minutes every day and do some deep breathing. Read a bible verse? If you have a smart phone - you could look for daily devotionals or something. Even if you do it while you're in the bathroom. (I am a frequent looker upper while on the can :-P)

One of my favorite take aways from my few weeks of my crazy camp was a reminder of the serenity prayer. (Or what most people know of it...)

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Keep us posted as you can!

2012-08-25 10:09 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

I've been doing fairly well. My mood is fairly stable...I'm exercising regularly - which hasn't happened in years! I'm enjoying my internship in marketing & communications (having an engineering degree doesn't show that you have the ability to be in marketing & communications Surprised

But today has just shown what has been slowly building. We woke up at 4 this morning to go help out a tri - we help out at an event and get to participate in one. It was nice. I got to hang out with a girl/woman who I get along with, but don't always get to spend time with. (hang out/ work with her) But then its like slowly my adrenaline and responsibilities started draining. I forgot I forgot to take my medicine this morning - not enough sleep + that = not good.

Whining starting now...

I tried on a wetsuit. It's the place DT and I work very part-time at and they are getting rid of part of their retail store - and they had brand new wetsuits at 50% off! I have a sleeveless one - bought it because I didn't realize Washington lakes are almost ALWAYS wetsuit legal. So I thought have a long sleeve one would be nice. Same brand and same size - I start pulling it on...over my underwear...and I was grunting and doing everything I could. I should've stopped before it got worse. Finally with DT's help I was able to get it on. I step outside to "model" and look down and see all of these tears where I was pulling it up. Crap - gotta buy it now. Then had to spend another 20-30 minutes fixing the holes...step-daughter was bored and tired...

The day is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous! It's mid-upper 70's, low humidity and blue skies. I think about how I want to go home and lay on the back deck and read. (Meanwhile Dave is working as a mechanic at the shop - while I'm "frollicking" - Dave who already has a full-time job...but says that he enjoys working at the shop.) We finally get home - with some slow downs - and I just want to sit/lay on my bed and do nothing. So I do - for a few hours.

End whining session...

There were more little kicks - but those were the big ones. The guilt of not being able to contribute financially, the guilt of looking at the mess of a house and not wanting to do anything, the guilt of knowing there are household projects - I want to complete - and not wanting to do anything...I really am my own worst enemy.

However - on the bright side - I thought to get on her. And it usually helps. Not seeing the "wow! you're way worse off than I am" - but the feeling that you might be able to help others in similar situations even if it just saying - I understand how you're feeling.

One of my favorite sayings was "life's a and then you marry one". I guess that stems from my belief/ability that I can be a b-iatch sometimes and I'm ok with that. But it's more of - life sucks...deal with it and move on?!?!

Hope everyone else is enjoying the last parts of 2012 summer - at least in this part of the hemisphere!

2012-08-27 2:15 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Thanks Lisa for your kind words!  I truly appreciate you carrying me through Muddy Buddy!  You were an outstanding teammate.  I follow your struggles, triumphs and insights here on BT with awe.  You are very strong woman with an incredible desire to help others!!  Dave is a lucky man!

Depression is a lonely disease, well at least to me.  To be honest I really haven't shared anything about my "dark cloud" to many people.  Friends or family.  So to open up like this and have people accept me is unbelievable.  So I thank everyone for even reading this.  I hope I can help many of you like you have helped me!

It's funny but I forgot that Welbutrin does have some side effects.  Headaches, increase in my anxiety, dizziness -- I have had all of these. Hopefully this will pass.  I will stick with it because I am really not done with life yet (I think you all know what I mean by that).

I am not sure if someone shared this already or I am just losing my mind.  But it is good.

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/it-will-be-sunny-one-day.html

2012-09-11 4:40 PM
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Subject: RE: Depression and Moods- Check in!

Teddie - I pushed you through Muddy Buddy?!?! Uh - nope, don't think so!

It's amazing how helping others...helps yourself! It's a bit selfish...but..oh well!

I saw this on pinterest today and thought immediately of this thread! Laughing (I'm super addicted - anyone who hasn't been on - don't start!! Unless you want a time drain!)

I'm not crazy. I prefer the term mentally hilarious.

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