Gear Shifting Drama--Please Help

The bike ride kicked the sh*t out of me!! I really wanted to ride and it was getting late, and furthermore a thunderstorm was forming, so I prayed the Lord be merciful to me and let me get at least a good bit of a ride in. And He was :-).

Being as late as it was, I chose to ride around my neighborhood and see how my gear-shifting goes on the natural rolling hills in my area. I quickly found out these hills aren't THAT small after all!! I only rode 5.4 miles in a half hour and much of that was at a snail's pace (save for the lightning spins downhill...that was fun) and spent much of the time struggling with the gear shifting.

I am very much a novice at shifting gears, and being an arts major, I understand pictures far better than numbers. When someone says "low" or "high," "third" or "fourth," I have to whip out the instruction book. It's taken me several rides to get anywhere with the gears because I always seem to get lost somewhere in the middle....but I think it has FINALLY sunk in.

So being that I think more in pictures than numbers, please anyone tell me if I'm correct in how this gear puzzle works. I am working on a mountain bike with the twistie-gear shifters, so it seems to work best on my brain and on my legs when I move them in a "twisting" or "wringing" motion when shifting rather than moving both the right and the left in the same direction. When I look straight down at the chain I am wanting to keep it straight up and down between the wheels rather than \ or /, correct? And if I want to go up hill, which I did PLENTY today and not very easily, I have to put the front part on the big cog and the back part on the little one...is this right? And when going downhill, the front is on the little one and the back on the big one. Or maybe it's the other way around...oh hell, I forgot already. See what I'm going through???!!!

So throughout my ride I did have some high points other than my heart rate and my temper as I struggled trying to keep the gear thing straight in my head and get in the right gear before my legs died. The thunderstorm did not pass directly overhead but rather went around, leaving a gorgeous colorful rainbow in its trail. The dude on the skate board did his best not to laugh as he saw me lumbering down the road twisting and grinding and and moaning. The neighbors looked at me strange as they stood in their front yards and chatted on their cell phones, but my thoughts are, "Go ahead and stare. I may look stupid as I learn, but you are just getting fatter."

So I'm not saying it was a bad ride. I am proud of myself for not freaking out when I flew down some of these hills. When your legs are killing you, the downhill portion is much more fun.

Thursday I'm going to the nice, flat park. Any assistance on my gear troubles would be much appreciated.