Funny things kids say....

We drive by a cemetary and 4-yr-old Kyle says, "that's where they plant dead people!"

When Gracie was 5, at a birthday party, she politely declined an offer of milk from the host mother...  "No thank you.  I drink soy milk and my brother Kyle drinks rice milk and my daddy drinks beer and my mommy drinks wine and when we've been bad my mommy drinks a lot of wine."

I looked at my wife and I didn't think a human's face could turn that red!

When Kyle was three and had to pee, he always insisted that he go outside and "pee on a tree".  So one day my wife asked him why he always needed to pee on a tree instead of in the potty and he answered, "because I can."

My wife caught 3-yr-old Kyle *ahem* "playing with himself" as most little boys do from the earliest of age.  She had a polite little talk with him and asked why he's always done that.  "Why not," he answered?  "It's there.  If you had a penis, you'ld play with it too mommy."

I was on the floor in the kitchen and it took me nearly 5 minutes to recover from the laughter!

The happiest words we ever hear in our house these days are from the bathroom, "IT PLOPPED!"

Ok, in the interest of a laugh, I will embarrass myself here.

This weekend, I had the kids at my place.  I was getting out of the shower and getting dressed, etc.  I hadn't done laundry in a while so we were at the bottom of the underwear drawer.  So I grabbed these nylon men's bikini things that I never wear anymore (ok, so sue me, the STBX liked 'em, what can I say??) and put them on.

So, my three-year old daughter sees me, gets this big smile on her face, and says to me...

"Daddy!!  YOU wear panties TOO!!"

Oh boy, can't wait to hear from the STBX when Sophie tells her this one.

The men's nylon bikinis are now in a landfill somewhere. 

Singing to poops in the potty?  Now THAT would have been F-U-N-N-Y!

Once again - WORTHLESS WITHOUT PICS!!!  

a friend's nephew responds to his kindergarten teacher

"when monkeys fly out my a$$"

What the heck-what happened to respecting your teachers - or at least pretending to.

edited because the computer felt that it needed to edit the original.  which reinforces the WTH! Computers shouldn't need to filter out a 5 yo's comments.

When I was 13 I used to swim at a neighbors house down the street.  She was the same age as I and had a brother that was 5 years younger.  On one summer day we were changing into our swim suits in her bedroom and her brother walked in on us.  Karla was still undressed and I (fortunatly) had my suit on by then.  Her Brother screamed "EWE Karla!?!  Why are you tucking it in????"  I laughed so hard I thought I would pee myself!  I have NEVER forgotten that...

My step son recently caught me changing in the bedroom.  He is 5 1/2 and is VERY observant.  I tried not to make a big deal out of it and continue to get dressed.  A few moments later he states...."You have MUCH bigger boobies than my Mommy."  I was mortified! 

When my youngest was 4 or 5 I had taken him to an Atlanta Braves game.. so when we had to go to the bathroom of course we are the in gigantic mens room using the urinal trough..

My son is still "curious" around this time and always would "look" when I was going.... he does his business.. so while i'm doing mine he looks at whats going on... and looks up at me and says...

"Daddy you have a big wee wee...."

I responded the way anyone would... "thanks."

ROFLMAO!! I have tears.....

My 3-year old was trying to go #2 the other day and this was her stream of consciousness...

(grimacing)...

"I am making a mad face to make the poo come out."

(more grimacing, but nothing is happening)

"I am out of poo."

"Mommy needs to go to the store to buy more poo."

My 7 year old observes everything and quite smart.  This one made me laugh. 

We were driving along and I had to turn.  I flipped on my blinker and AJ saw the light flashing and heard the ticking.  Question was "Mom, what's that sound and light?"  It's the signal I explain, so that the cars infront and behind know which way I am turning.  A slight pause and then "how does our car know which way you want to turn?"  I cracked up.  Good stuff.