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Locker room rant! (Page 2)
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 2009-04-10 2:23 AM in reply to: #2075217 |
 Subject: RE: Locker room rant!Artemis - 2009-04-09 10:06 PM SevenZulu - 2009-04-09 8:06 PM I like to sit naked on the locker room bench reading a paper and spraying my underarms with deodorant every time someone walks by. It's nice to say 'hi' to them, and talk about the Brazilian body fungus problem that I can't seem to resolve. Eventually, when the can is empty, I'll put on my swimsuit, wander out to the pool, and hop in without taking a shower. I usually pick a lane that already full with the best swimmers. Then I start swimming right down the middle and crash into anybody already in the lane, at which point I jerk my head up and yell at them "WTF are you blind? I've been a member here since day one, and this is MY f-ing lane, so MOVE over." Once I get to the deep end of the lane, I start my aquajogging. It's great aquajogging, because while I do that I can yell out stroke advice to the swimmers in the adjacent lanes -- "Higher elbows babe, but lookin gooood except for that. You look phaaaaat in that suit of yours." Once I've given stroke advice to everyone in the pool, then I head down to the wall and wait for people to push off. I time my push-off right before theirs, and I beat them in a 25-yard sprint. Then I stand at the end and flex my muscles for a couple minutes, then push off right ahead of them again, but this time I stare at them underwater the entire length. I like my gym, and the people there love me. Awesome post. You forgot about using a noodle somewhere in there.  and doing pull ups on the starting platform at the end of the lane while still in the water  |
| 2009-04-10 6:51 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
Member 36  Beverly Hills | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! if i cant smell me, how can the ladies smell me? gotta have a 30 foot smell zone otherwise they wont get the full effect of how awesome i really am. |
| 2009-04-10 7:56 AM in reply to: #2075008 |
Master 1572  PA | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! SevenZulu - 2009-04-09 8:06 PM gopennstate - 2009-04-09 3:50 PM I've never seen a female use spray deodorant in the locker room. Ever. I've never seen a woman sit naked on a locker room bench reading. Ever. What's with the dudes? I like to sit naked on the locker room bench reading a paper and spraying my underarms with deodorant every time someone walks by. It's nice to say 'hi' to them, and talk about the Brazilian body fungus problem that I can't seem to resolve. Eventually, when the can is empty, I'll put on my swimsuit, wander out to the pool, and hop in without taking a shower. I usually pick a lane that already full with the best swimmers. Then I start swimming right down the middle and crash into anybody already in the lane, at which point I jerk my head up and yell at them "WTF are you blind? I've been a member here since day one, and this is MY f-ing lane, so MOVE over." Once I get to the deep end of the lane, I start my aquajogging. It's great aquajogging, because while I do that I can yell out stroke advice to the swimmers in the adjacent lanes -- "Higher elbows babe, but lookin gooood except for that. You look phaaaaat in that suit of yours." Once I've given stroke advice to everyone in the pool, then I head down to the wall and wait for people to push off. I time my push-off right before theirs, and I beat them in a 25-yard sprint. Then I stand at the end and flex my muscles for a couple minutes, then push off right ahead of them again, but this time I stare at them underwater the entire length. I like my gym, and the people there love me. Well played. You didn't miss a beat. |
| 2009-04-10 9:34 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
Elite 3490  Toledo, Ohio | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! I go to the City gym with all the old farts. Sometimes I can get changed, swim, sauna, shower and get dressed while they are still getting into their swim trunks. Mostly the only thing I smell is the Aqua Velva and mothballs. I don't see anyone sitting around reading the paper but I do see more than I want in the sauna. Nothing like staring down your saggy future in 150F heat. I'm not sure which makes me sweat more. At least most of the old timers there are nice enough to grow their bellies out enough so they hang over their cash and prizes (drink it in ladies, drink it in...). On the bright side, there are few things funnier than an old man with freshly towel-dried, uncombed combover. |
| 2009-04-10 9:52 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
Member 20 | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! I just need to pipe in with what I consider the women's equivilant to the naked newspaper reader. That is the naked lotion applier. I don't understand why you would want to put your lotion on your legs and THEN put your underwears on. And if that is too hard, perhaps a towel or something? I am just like, yes we all have bodies but I don't need to see all of yours in lotion application mode. |
| 2009-04-10 9:54 AM in reply to: #2075988 |
Elite 3490 Toledo, Ohio | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! Shortknee1 - 2009-04-10 10:52 AM II am just like, yes we all have bodies but I don't need to see all of yours in lotion application mode. Wait for it... |
| 2009-04-10 9:58 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
Alpharetta, Georgia Bronze member | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! This thread had taken a turn for AWESOME since I last visited! |
| 2009-04-10 10:37 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
Expert 683 Fort Worth, Texas | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! you guys Rock! the stinging tears in my eyes from the toxic spray has been replaced with tears from laughing so hard! |
| 2009-04-10 11:02 AM in reply to: #2074455 |
Expert 1123 Falls Church, VA | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! tri_d00d - 2009-04-09 3:34 PM I use spray, but I don't empty the can when I do. and i'm mindful of others...unless they passed me in the pool. It's just easier, works better (for me), and doesn't leave sticky gunk under the 'pits... I thought this was going to be about sitting on the locker room bench while naked or something... I also use spray, only after a gym session (I normally use stick), but I don't put it on until after I've already put my shirt on. |
| 2009-04-10 11:38 AM in reply to: #2075008 |
Master 1402 Highlands Ranch | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! Let's not leave out all the other personal grooming that should be done at home, but seems better suited (for you, Mr. Gym Privilege Man!) across the entire bathroom counter. Shaving, tweezing, q-tipping...all that counter space is there for you! |
| 2009-04-10 11:47 AM in reply to: #2076000 |
Regular 70 | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! olliedawg - 2009-04-10 10:54 AM Shortknee1 - 2009-04-10 10:52 AM II am just like, yes we all have bodies but I don't need to see all of yours in lotion application mode. Wait for it... Horrors! Tell you what, let's trade locker room gripes. You can chat with the cranky Italian guy blowdrying his balls, and I'll try to survive watching naked women rubbing lotion on themselves. |
| 2009-04-10 11:48 AM in reply to: #2074224 |
| Alpharetta, Georgia Bronze member | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! A few weeks ago I come in from the pool to see a lady giving herself a full-blown HAIRCUT at the sink area in the locker room. She had cut a good 1-2 inches off her whole head, and the hair was everywhere... in the sink, all over the counter, on the floor. When I got out of the shower she was scooping the hair off the floor with a paper towel. I can't make this stuff up. |
 2009-04-10 12:05 PM in reply to: #2076294 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-04-10 12:06 PM in reply to: #2076334 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-04-10 12:07 PM in reply to: #2076327 |
| Subject: RE: Locker room rant! chrisjones - 2009-04-10 12:47 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 10:54 AM Shortknee1 - 2009-04-10 10:52 AM II am just like, yes we all have bodies but I don't need to see all of yours in lotion application mode. Wait for it... Horrors! Tell you what, let's trade locker room gripes. You can chat with the cranky Italian guy blowdrying his balls, and I'll try to survive watching naked women rubbing lotion on themselves. I believe the wait for it was the "worthless without pics" or "pics or it didn't happen" comment |
| 2009-04-10 12:09 PM in reply to: #2074224 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-04-10 12:11 PM in reply to: #2076327 |
| Elite 3490 Toledo, Ohio | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! chrisjones - 2009-04-10 12:47 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 10:54 AM Shortknee1 - 2009-04-10 10:52 AM II am just like, yes we all have bodies but I don't need to see all of yours in lotion application mode. Wait for it... Horrors! Tell you what, let's trade locker room gripes. You can chat with the cranky Italian guy blowdrying his balls, and I'll try to survive watching naked women rubbing lotion on themselves. I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. |
| 2009-04-10 12:19 PM in reply to: #2076417 |
| Master 1572 PA | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. |
| 2009-04-10 12:25 PM in reply to: #2076452 |
| Veteran 169 | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! gopennstate - 2009-04-10 12:19 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. Yeah I was seeing a wrinkled old lady, with skin flapping in the wind rubbing her favorite lotion in. I am not so sure how that is much better than the old dude air drying while getting final stretch in. Kind of danged if you do and danged if you don't type of situation. Both of which leave you searching for a hot object to poke your eyes out with. At my gym there are a couple of gyms who spend 15 minutes air drying and they get in some of their stretchs in at that time. Lets just say walking around the corner and nearly running into someone doing a hanging hammy stretch scars you for life. |
| 2009-04-10 12:28 PM in reply to: #2076452 |
| Elite 3490 Toledo, Ohio | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! gopennstate - 2009-04-10 1:19 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. I promise you a man's mind doesn't need much to create that visual from that sentence. |
| 2009-04-10 12:34 PM in reply to: #2076452 |
| Master 2327 North Alabama | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! gopennstate - 2009-04-10 12:19 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. I'm sorry, did someone say something about tri-hottie and lotion? |
| 2009-04-10 12:37 PM in reply to: #2076491 |
| Elite 3490 Toledo, Ohio | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! LostSheep - 2009-04-10 1:34 PM gopennstate - 2009-04-10 12:19 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. I'm sorry, did someone say something about tri-hottie and lotion? BINGO! |
| 2009-04-10 12:40 PM in reply to: #2076473 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-04-10 1:21 PM in reply to: #2076506 |
| Expert 938 | Subject: RE: Locker room rant! wgraves7582 - 2009-04-10 1:40 PM m55morris - 2009-04-10 1:25 PM gopennstate - 2009-04-10 12:19 PM olliedawg - 2009-04-10 1:11 PM I have to say, I'm pretty dissapointed in the all of my BT brothers for not jumping all over this. I mean Shortknee1 just lobbed this lotion-lady visual and for almost 2 hours, no one took a swing. I guess everyone is over at CoJ... oh well. you're going to have to turn this thread around if you want them to pull naked tri-hottie lathering herself w/ lotion outta that. Yeah I was seeing a wrinkled old lady, with skin flapping in the wind rubbing her favorite lotion in. I am not so sure how that is much better than the old dude air drying while getting final stretch in. Kind of danged if you do and danged if you don't type of situation. Both of which leave you searching for a hot object to poke your eyes out with. At my gym there are a couple of gyms who spend 15 minutes air drying and they get in some of their stretchs in at that time. Lets just say walking around the corner and nearly running into someone doing a hanging hammy stretch scars you for life. Here is what scars you for life: Seeing a 65 y/o from your church that you are friends with at the gym for the first time and him not seeing the need to cover up after showering. We got a cool nickname out of the ordeal (everyone I told loved the story) - Tripod. No wonder his wife is always smiling If I could qualify for the nickname tripod, I wouldn't ever cover up either. |
| 2009-04-10 1:34 PM in reply to: #2076588 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
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