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2005-07-07 9:18 AM


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Subject: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
It only week one of my training and already a obsticle. I didn't realize it but I have become the fat funny guy everyone loves and wants to party with. My problem is this I have a upcoming party and I am in the wedding party. People expect me to perform and be the life of the party. I do relize I can be the life of the party with out overendulging (Drinking, followed by eating to ease the hangover. But how do I convey this to others with out having to dodge questions like. Where's your drink? My response is generally I am not drinking but trying to prepare for a triathalon. There response YEH OK so what whould you like and then generraly peer preasure wins over. There has been a few definning moments in the last year that have made me relize my health has to come first.

1) In October I had to drive my self to the hospital with chest pains and was hook up to a EKG. The results came back negative but something was telling me my body is not working properly. (Did this stop me no I instead but on 10lbs)

2) In January went to Jamica for a wedding went rock wall climbing couldn't make it off the first foot hold. Two sitting on a plastic chair and in snapped sending me to the ground in imbarrasment. The chair was probably faulty because I only weight 230lbs. (came back with determination instead took the easy weight and gained 10lbs)

3) March had a conversation with my brother who jokingly said wow the men in our family usally don't make it pass 60. Unfourtunitly he was right my Dad has 5 brothers and only one is left and he is the youngest. Also my grandfather was only 58 when he passed. Side note my dad turns 60 next year and his health is not the greatest.

4) A realitive got drunk at a party and insisted on calling me fat ass I now way 250lbs. I do not blame him because I am usally the first one to make fun of myself giveing everyone else license to make fun of me.

5) Found out my wife is pregnent with our first child I will turn things around no matter what!!!!

Please don't take this as a pity party but sometimes one must examines one's life and relize that one can change. I also appreciate all the support from the many BT .


2005-07-07 9:23 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

Rizzo - 2005-07-07 10:18 AM . 5) Found out my wife is pregnent with our first child I will turn things around no matter what!!!! .

There you go.  That should be all you need.

As far as drinking and being the life of the party, blahblahblah, tell them you're in training.  Simple as that.  When they ask you what you want to drink, say water. 

Steve

2005-07-07 9:28 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Elite
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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Man I can relate. Sounds familiar. As far as the party thing...remmber everything in moderation. You can have a few drinks and a few indulgent foods and not destroy your training. If you feel pressure to look as if youre drinking try this little trick, order diet coke but ask the bar tender to put it in a high ball glass. Then people will assume youre drinking a rum and coke or jack and coke.

I went through what you are going through. When my daughter was born, I was sitting on the floor changing her and I went to stand up with this 8 pound baby in my arms and I was so fat I couldn't get off the floor.

Youre making positive changes in your life for important reasons, don't let anyone elses definition of you alter your plans. You don't have to be the fat funny guy anymore, you can be the funny triathlete from now on.

Good luck. Stay focused on the goal, and stay smart about it. It didn't take you a month to put on the weight so don't expect it to come off in that time period.
2005-07-07 9:33 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

My husband's a recovering alcoholic and has many answers to the "where's your drink" one I can share with you.  Off the top of my head...

"I'm the designated driver".

"I'm on call tonight"- works only if they don't know your job. You can lie. Make sure you have an obligatory cell phone or pager they can see.  You can also say you're a lawyer in California- one DUI and poof! buh-bye, law license.

"My kids are here".  uh..... maybe not?   I use that one myself though. "I want to remember this night".

"There's a cop stationed down the road just waiting to pull over someone."

Now I'm reading them I realize they're not very good.   You can get one drink and nurse it as long as you can.  I have found it entertaining being sober and watching all the drunk people act, well--- drunk.  

Now that your wife is pregnant you can stop drinking with her

 Try not to worry about what people say. 

Start coming up with great comeback lines instead of taking them.  The drunk relative?  Call him "skinny drunk ugly asshole".  I'm not the brightest bulb out there, though.

You've taken the first step, you realize you have to change.  Things can only get better.  Good luck.

Given your family history, be a good idea to get a great physicial soon if you haven't already. 

2005-07-07 9:37 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

Simple, when asked....tell the truth. If you actually are funny, you should be able to spin a lifestyle change into real good mateial. Hell the "I broke a chair...with my ass" line is pretty freaking good.

or maybe go to Lenny Bruce -like extremes

"Where's you drink fat boy?"

"I mush have left it with your mama....."

well maybe not

Seriously, though a wedding is a one-time event, and it's about the couple who are getting married. Unless you're being hired for entertanment other peoples' ideas about how you should behave are irrelevant. You're making a commitment to change your life. Some things will have to go (constant overindulgence) other things will stay (sense of humor).

It's only peer pressure if you let it be. You get to (have to) define your own life.

Congratulations on the little one.

2005-07-07 9:47 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Lucy made some good suggestions. The one that stuck out to me is quitting with your pregnant wife.

Neither my wife or I are big drinkers, but when she got pregnant a friend asked me if I was quitting drinking with her. It never crossed my mind, and it's not a big deal to my wife becuase we don't drink a lot, but I suppose this is a common practice.

So anytime that someone asks you where your drink is just tell them "My wife is pregnant, and since she can't drink I stopped with her." Then after the baby is born if you still get those questions then just explain to them that you stopped when your wife was pregnant and liked being sober/healthy so you didn't start back up. Anyone that can make fun of you after that truly is an a-hole and not worth being around anyway.

Congratulations on the expected addition, and your decision to get healthy.


2005-07-07 9:52 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Just say no and that's all. No need for explanations and whatever you do don't give in to peer pressure. I have just started to get back in shape after many years of doing nothing but sitting on the couch and eating. My son was born last year and I want to make sure I do everything I can to be there for him when he grows up. My biggest problem was I eat when I'm stressed so I gained a lot of weight over the years. Now I use that stress to my advantage and workout. Good luck and congratulations on your new child.
2005-07-07 9:55 AM
in reply to: #192196


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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Thanks, for all the advice. I want to clarify that I probably only have a drink at partys or special occasions. I am not the type to come home from work and pop open a beer because of a hard days work.
2005-07-07 9:59 AM
in reply to: #192203


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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Michael,

You look like a football fan. I have actually directly related football with when I gain the most weight. ALthough I am a Detroit lions fan so Beer and Pizza are necessary to watch the game.
2005-07-07 10:00 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
most people are just trying to justify their own lifestyle. They need you to be drinking, because otherwise they will feel weird. Just say no thanks and drink something else. If they pester you about it, call them out. Ask them why it is so important for them that you be drinking. They will more than likely give up. It really is not that big of a deal. I go places all the time and drink little or nothing. Sometimes the situation or crowd does make it harder though.
2005-07-07 10:10 AM
in reply to: #192181

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

ASA22 - 2005-07-07 8:28 AM Man I can relate. Sounds familiar. As far as the party thing...remmber everything in moderation. You can have a few drinks and a few indulgent foods and not destroy your training. If you feel pressure to look as if youre drinking try this little trick, order diet coke but ask the bar tender to put it in a high ball glass. Then people will assume youre drinking a rum and coke or jack and coke. I

Also works with tonic or club soda, depending on your drink of choice. A slice of lime in the glass also makes it look alcoholic.

I like the not drinking with your wife thing, but that hides what your are really doing.  Try being honest... my wife and I are having a healthy pregnancy.  I want to be healthy and here for my baby to give him/her the dad he/she deserves. Then, you can tell them you are getting into tris and see if they want to join you in all this fun! 

Good luck to you and congratulations!



2005-07-07 10:40 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
As a 17 year recovering alcoholic and, like you, I still get invited to parties as someone people enjoy my humor, candor and "life of the party antics". Didn't bother anyone but me that I didn't have a drink in my hand, in fact most folks liked me more when I didn't become a babbling idiot at some point. Same with the "fat" thing. You are invited to the parties because people like you! Not because you drink and eat.
2005-07-07 10:45 AM
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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Tell them that your wife is expecting so you're trying to cut back, or say you're the DD.

If they continually give you a hard time just keep giving THEM drinks and their attention span/fascination with you're lack of booze will fly right out the window.

Trust me, i'm a professional.
2005-07-07 10:46 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
NOt that this has ANYTHING to do with your post...but as a fellow Detroit Lions fan I just had to comment - Go LIONS!

Again, sorry.
2005-07-07 10:49 AM
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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
You do not owe anyone any kind of explanation.  If you don't want to drink or if you want to drink reasonably, that is your choice.  I quit drinking altogether for 13 years and just walked around with a glass or ginger ale so that I was never bothered by silly questions like that.  I drink now but mostly wine with dinner. 
2005-07-07 10:50 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Be the life but don't drink. Don't make a big deal of it because there are plenty of people out there who will submarine you. Just quietly do what you are doing and keep at it. No announcements (other than here where you get support) and no horns blaring "MOVE ASIDE NEW HEALTH NUT HERE, NO BOOZE FOR ME", just a quiet change. Sometimes telling our friends what we are up to puts them in a position of talking us out of it.

If they ask either tell them you are not thirsty right now or sip on the same beer for hours (Have a glass of water nearby) and tell them it is full.

Edited by nliedel 2005-07-07 10:50 AM


2005-07-07 10:59 AM
in reply to: #192211

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2005-07-07 11:11 AM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

I didn't realize it but I have become the fat funny guy everyone loves and wants to party with. My problem is this I have a upcoming party and I am in the wedding party. People expect me to perform and be the life of the party. I do relize I can be the life of the party with out overendulging (Drinking, followed by eating to ease the hangover. But how do I convey this to others with out having to dodge questions like. Where's your drink? My response is generally I am not drinking but trying to prepare for a triathalon. 

You don't need to justify what you are drinking to your friends.  If someone asks "Where's your drink?"  say, "Right here." as you hold up your glass of coke, or water or whatever.  If you've already drunk the amount you decided on, you can just say, "I've already had my limit for tonight."  But I find the first response works the best. Mostly, it's feeling comfortable with your choices and not feeling like you have to explain yourself to anybody else.  Just drink what you want whether water or bourbon and don't feel like you have to explain it to anybody.

If you say things like "I'm not drinking tonight, cause I'm in training," well, that will challenge some people and they will feel like they need to get you to drink. 

2005-07-07 11:19 AM
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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy

First off, congratulations on your decision to train for a tri and on the pregnancy.

If people ask why you're not drinking, just tell the truth. If they're really your friends, they'll understand and be supportive. If they have a problem with it, the problem is theirs, not yours. Someone pressuring you to drink alcohol when you've stated you don't want to is seriously screwed up. Look at each new situation as an opportunity to learn how to get through those situations.

Triathlon is about overcoming obstacles. Keep your goal in mind and make the decision that you're going to do whatever it takes.

2005-07-07 11:21 AM
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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
It is awesome you stop being the guy everyone want you to be and start being the guy YOU want to be.
I was a party animal, I decided that was not the way to go. It was either shape up or signing up for a liver transplant waiting list (nothing wrong with my liver but I figured I would need a new one if I continued partying like that).
It is not easy.....
Instead of the fat funny guy you will be the fit funny guy everyone wants to be with.
2005-07-07 11:22 AM
in reply to: #192175

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.

Edited by JeepFleeb 2005-07-07 11:24 AM


2005-07-07 12:31 PM
in reply to: #192175


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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Wow, First off I want to thank everyone for the support. I said it before and I will say it again triathaletes are a different kind of people. Good at heart and strong in stature.
2005-07-07 12:33 PM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
Rizzo - 2005-07-07 10:18 AMIt only week one of my training and already a obsticle.


The difference between succeeding and failing is the difference between having obsticles and having excuses.  Everyone has obsticles, otherwise you'd already by thin and fit.  Work at solving them one by one.  Some of them might have to wait their turn, in fact, but you've got a long life to work out all the issues.  "Progress, not perfection" is a good mantra.  Be kind to yourself as you make these changes.

I didn't realize it but I have become the fat funny guy everyone loves and wants to party with. My problem is this I have a upcoming party and I am in the wedding party. People expect me to perform and be the life of the party. I do relize I can be the life of the party with out overendulging (Drinking, followed by eating to ease the hangover. But how do I convey this to others with out having to dodge questions like. Where's your drink? My response is generally I am not drinking but trying to prepare for a triathalon. There response YEH OK so what whould you like and then generraly peer preasure wins over.


I know what you mean about these toxic moments, but a couple of points: it's okay to be rude (or to lie) to rude people.  You don't have to care what they think if they mean you ill.  Also, be aware that 90% of the time they really don't care WHAT you're drinking, they're trying to rationalize their own behavior.  So lie, say you've got Gin & Tonic and just have seltzer & lime.  You'd be surprised how well this works.

By the way, I think it's a non sequiter that people love you for being a fat partier.  It's quite possible they love you for yourself, which just happens to be a fat guy at the moment.  I'd be pretty stunned if anyone stopped loving you because you stopped being a fat drunk!  :-)

  sometimes one must examines one's life and relize that one can change. I also appreciate all the support from the many BT .


Yes, you can change.  But again I beseech you to be kind to yourself.  Just as you can't go from a couch to a marathon in six easy weeks, you can't utterly change everything in one fell swoop.  Make some lifestyle goals that are quantifiable and achievable, figure out how you're going to achieve them and then go out and achieve them. 

For example, perhaps you'll decide you can have three drinks at the reception.  Which three drinks do you want?  When will you have them?  Think it through and have a plan and then execute your plan.  Then evaluate afterwards how well you executed the plan.  What worked or didn't work?  How will you do it differently next time when you're in this situation again?  Learn from what worked and what didn't work and now you're making progress.  Don't aim for perfection!

Gwendal
2005-07-07 2:39 PM
in reply to: #192207

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
I think you can have the beer and pizza on a Sunday. Just not everyday and if in moderation you can use it as a reward for a week of hard training. In a book called Body for Life they recommend a cheat day a week. Balanced meals all week with exercise followed by one day to relax. J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!!!!
2005-07-07 3:33 PM
in reply to: #192175

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Subject: RE: I am in a wedding party how do I stop being the fat funny guy
There were a ton of good posts and I am not sure if someone has said this or not (cause I didn't read them all) But to me, they should think YOU are funny, not you being drunk. You know? Like I said before nothing good comes from drinking alcohol. I am glad to hear that you are taking your health into consideration. Also, your baby, you want to be able to run around with him when he's young! I would tell them the truth, that you are taking your health seriously. Or just tell them flat out to be better friends and support your decision. Either way don't give in!! Good luck with the drinking, your health, and the baybay!!!

Mindi
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