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2011-02-01 7:52 AM

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Subject: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703439504576116083514534672.html

Hope this isn't a repost. Talks a lot about Ironman triathletes. We've definitely seen our share of these threads over the years (at least the one's I've been here).


2011-02-01 8:10 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
Great article to remind us that this is a hobby.  I can tell you as a triathlete and a hunter hobbies can become addictions very easily.  My training partners often ask me why I can't ride at this time or that time and how I spend so much time on the trainer.  It is not that I like the trainer but it is the only way I can bike during the week (during school times) and lessen the impact for my wife (who takes the kids to school).  I rode on the trainer this morning and did a short brick afterwards.  I time my workout to get back home in time from my run to wake them all up and help get kids dressed, breakfast ready, etc.  On Wed. and Friday mornings I go to our masters swim class and usually get a long ride each Sat. morning so this is the least I can do for my wife.

Now granted I have a very supportive wife and she rarely misses a race that I am involved in, she has never missed a tri that I have been in so that means alot.  She knows where I came from (5'4"-215 pounds) to what I am now usually around 138-140.  So she knows how much exercising means to me to keep me happy and my weight under control.

Edited by peewee 2011-02-01 8:11 AM
2011-02-01 8:11 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Expert
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"

"Divorce by triathlon"????  Wow, just wow.  I say you have to have balance.

2011-02-01 8:29 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Champion
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
this is why I am not dating....guys cannot handle that my priorities are: kids, work, training and they come after that....so I will have to meet some hot endurance athlete....
2011-02-01 8:30 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Expert
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I am always amazed how your folks with little kids do this.  It is a balancing act for me as it is and my kids are grown and out of the house. 

My hat goes off to you.

Duane
2011-02-01 8:57 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
My husband really isn't liking the early morning workouts I do Mon-Thur. Not only am I gone before he gets up in the morning, I want to go to bed at the same time as our daughter so I can get up again the next day.

From the beginning I would shift my sleep schedule for Fri & Sat so we could go out. And now I've learned to get by on 7 hrs sleep instead of 8 so we have time together in the evenings.

It's all about compromise, but then, what marraige isn't?

I'm glad they included some happier couples, too.


2011-02-01 9:31 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
kinda ironic, the wife and i just had a similar discussion on this last night.

2011-02-01 10:00 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Champion
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"

I've seen it happen first-hand.  Unfortunately this sport can be addictive.  Sad when it breaks up families.

I love triathlon training and the health benefits I derive from it, but it's just a recreational sport.  Too often people turn it into a selfish and self-indulgent pursuit.

I've also seen similar problems with golfers, tennis players, hunters, fishermen, etc, so it's not just triathletes.

I know many will disagree, but I think the "multi-sport lifestyle" mantra is overplayed.

As others have said, the healthiest lifestyle is balanced one.

Mark

 

2011-02-01 10:14 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
mr waxman in the background training pic rocks. go wax!
2011-02-01 10:52 AM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"

Sorry but Waxman is a jerk. If his wife leaves him he well deserves it.

She organizes a family intervention begging him to pay attention to and spend time with his wife and kids and he tells her no? Ridiculous!

I am working up to a full IM this year but I have a wife who also wants to work up to a long duathlon and we don't have kids.

I told her I would like to continue triathlons but that if the full IM became too much of a burden on her or our time together that all she has to do is tell me and I will go back to shorter distances that require less training time. When we have kids I will re-evaluate and will most likely stick with oly or HIM distances so I can spend as much family time as possible.

A wife shouldn't have to nag to get a husband to spend quality time with his family.

2011-02-01 11:07 AM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I didn't read the article.  But, I am struggling with finding time to work out and spending time with my kids.  My oldest daughter has kinda been in the limelight for a while now with some things she is involved in (theater, band, forensics), and my youngest daughter is really struggling with some self-esteem issues.  I have to really refocus and get my priorities straightened out.  I've already decided to bag tonights group Spinervals, and I am taking my youngest daughter out to her favorite high fat restaurant while the oldest is at concert band practice.  Just mom and youngest daughter this evening.

jami  


2011-02-01 11:20 AM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
Aarondb4 - 2011-02-01 8:52 AM
Sorry but Waxman is a jerk. If his wife leaves him he well deserves it.

She organizes a family intervention begging him to pay attention to and spend time with his wife and kids and he tells her no? Ridiculous!


The guy wanted to swim the English Channel, which he achieved.  And he has two law degrees and an MBA, and he did the Channel swim? If you want to achieve something extraordinary, it takes extraordinary commitment.  I don't have a problem with that at all.

The real problem is the three young kids and the fact he didn't change his lifestyle to accomodate being a father and parent.  Really he or his wife should have thought that through better.

I've seen this before from workaholic types I work with.  They do the work hard / play hard bit, and then kids come along, and nothng changes from him but everything changes for her.
2011-02-01 11:34 AM
in reply to: #3333204

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I guess I'm furtunate.  With such conflicting schedules already, it's easy for me to find the time to train, even LONG days, and not really impact my time with my wife....
2011-02-01 12:01 PM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
What I find absurd about these articles is the unspoken insinuation that somehow exercise is the cause of the problem.  The cause of the problem (if the article is presenting a fair picture, and of course we don't know) is that the guy is a jerk to his family.

Workouts don't kill marriages.  People kill marriages.
2011-02-01 12:07 PM
in reply to: #3332689

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
TriToy - 2011-02-01 7:29 AM this is why I am not dating....guys cannot handle that my priorities are: kids, work, training and they come after that....so I will have to meet some hot endurance athlete....


Funny, I've found all the women I run into cannot handle that my priorities are: work, training, everything else.  I'm holding out for the same Wink
2011-02-01 12:19 PM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
Man, all that training time and the best he can manage is a 10:48 at IMAZ? Slackass.

In all honesty, the guy sounds like a jerk. He's obviously achieved a lot in life - from my point of view though, no accomplishments are worth losing a happy marriage over. What good are accomplishments if you have noone to share them with?


2011-02-01 12:24 PM
in reply to: #3333204

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
brucemorgan - 2011-02-01 10:20 AM
Aarondb4 - 2011-02-01 8:52 AM
Sorry but Waxman is a jerk. If his wife leaves him he well deserves it.

She organizes a family intervention begging him to pay attention to and spend time with his wife and kids and he tells her no? Ridiculous!


The guy wanted to swim the English Channel, which he achieved.  And he has two law degrees and an MBA, and he did the Channel swim? If you want to achieve something extraordinary, it takes extraordinary commitment.  I don't have a problem with that at all.

The real problem is the three young kids and the fact he didn't change his lifestyle to accomodate being a father and parent.  Really he or his wife should have thought that through better.

I've seen this before from workaholic types I work with.  They do the work hard / play hard bit, and then kids come along, and nothng changes from him but everything changes for her.


Exactly, I don't see a problem with accomplishing things either. But if that is your priority then don't get married (unless the wife knows ahead of time how it is going to be and agrees with it and doesn't want it another way) and don't have kids.

You can't have it all, something will get dropped and right now it appears the innocent children are getting the short end of the stick.

The fact that he can recognize that it is "selfish" and still not change anything shows that he is indeed a jerk.

2011-02-01 12:31 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
Aarondb4 - 2011-02-01 10:52 AM
Sorry but Waxman is a jerk. If his wife leaves him he well deserves it.


I was thinking the same thing. Family must take priority. He admits he's being selfish.

The guy is a pr1ck.

Edited by feh 2011-02-01 12:34 PM
2011-02-01 12:45 PM
in reply to: #3332592

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I have to agree with...workouts don't kill a marriage people do. I train a lot. I plan to train more. My husband and I have worked it out. He has his hobby. I have mine. We don't ever use our hobbies as against each other.

We actually try to meld them when possible. If we go on vacation, it usually involves a triathlon and fly fishing. He hires a guide for a day. I race for a day. The other days, we enjoy each other and vacation. 

We don't have children either. By choice. I decided long ago I am way too selfish to be mothering.  Some people simply shouldn't be parents. After all, for most of us this is a HOBBY!!!
2011-02-01 1:02 PM
in reply to: #3333318

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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
Experior - 2011-02-01 10:01 AM What I find absurd about these articles is the unspoken insinuation that somehow exercise is the cause of the problem.  The cause of the problem (if the article is presenting a fair picture, and of course we don't know) is that the guy is a jerk to his family.

Workouts don't kill marriages.  People kill marriages.


I completely agree.

Is there anything in this article that those of us who do exercise regularly find enlightening?  Of course not.  And the statements about how marriages fall apart when one spouse becomes more attractive?  WTH?  If a member of a marriage can't understand that vows are vows no matter how many people find you attractive, then that marriage is doomed to begin with... exercise has nothing to do with it.

Honestly, I read that article and all I got out of it was that it could very easily be another excuse for the non-exercising majority in this country to remain on the couch.  Oh no...if I workout, I'll get a divorce!  WSJ says so. Undecided
2011-02-01 1:08 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I'm lucky my wife is a triathlete too. She understands my obsession because she shares it.  With 2 full time jobs and a 7 year old with violin and tennis lessons, (not to mention training for his first triathlon in June) and a dog, our daily schedule is highly ordered and packed to the brim.  We all understand, though, that sometimes compromises have to be made in order to keep the sanity.  No workout/race is more important than family - period.

Edited by TRICLOPICUS 2011-02-01 1:09 PM


2011-02-01 1:16 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I know I've had arguments with my husband about training before.  He spends a lot of time with our kids and occasionally pulls the "well you got to go do this, so I should be able to go to that" card which is fair for the most part but it can be tiresome to have it played on any kind of recurring basis.  He has even tried that with masters swimming when I get back before any of them (including him) even wake up.  Luckily it is a pretty rare occurrence but the last one really struck a chord with me.  I told him what my goals were for the season and that I was going to have to put in lots of work but the long workouts would be far shorter than they were last summer since I'm focusing on Olympic distance this year and his response was something along the lines of "it is so nice of you to decide that without discussing it with me.  You are the boss".  Granted, more commitment on my end translates to more scheduling and cooperation on his end but, I'm not allowed to set goals for myself?

I'm not a stellar triathlete, but it makes me happy, keeps me healthy, and sets a good example for our children (though it could set a bad example if it got out of hand).  It is just another challenge in a lifelong one called "marriage".  I know he understands why I do triathlons but I need to remember the flexibility he generally affords me.
2011-02-01 1:17 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
IMO, for Waxmen, if it wasn't triathlon it'd be golf.  Or poker.  Or his career.  Or something.  This isn't an exercise problem, its a 'my lofty goals are more important than the commitments I made to my wife and kids' problem. 

I have no issue with massive goals that take huge time commitments to achieve.  But I do have an issue with people hurting their family to achieve those goals.  I believe that if you want to train an insane amount of hours, don't get married to someone who doesn't understand and support that.  And don't have kids.  Kids have to come first in a parent's life.  Period.




2011-02-01 1:26 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
This article is popping up everywhere.

It's about compromise... which NEITHER spouse involved in the Waxman story seems interested in.
2011-02-01 1:30 PM
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Subject: RE: WSJ Article: "A Workout Ate My Marriage"
I've found the solution to the problem.  Just get your entire family on the training bandwagon. 

My wife and I are both training for IMCdA.  The 9 year old boy rides his bike on our longer runs while we take turns pushing the 2 year old in her stroller.  We use the babysitter so we can go do swim workouts together (dinner out alone?  what's that?)  Biking is a bit tougher as I'm a lot faster than her so we tend to do those alone.

As has already been pointed out, it's the lack of respect and understanding for one another that kills the marriage, not the workouts.  Compromise is king.  As is making sacrifices.

The guy in the article understands none of this.
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