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2005-09-20 10:59 AM

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The Original
7834
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Raleigh/Durham
Subject: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Ok- I have detemrined that I am just way too nice.  I had an extra stem (it was on my bike when I bought it but had to buy a shorter one) and set of handlebars (needed smaller ones) that were just sitting on my counter for a few months.  A friend/coworker of mine just bought a used bike, and mentioned that he needed new handlebars (diff. size) and diff. stem.  So...I so gractiously offered to bring in my extra bike pieces, and told him that he could try them and if they worked I would SELL them to him because I was going to put them on E-Bay.  Which to me, I thought it was extremely clear that I was loking to make a few bucks off my extra bike stuff.  Later, he tells me the stem works and is on his bike, but the handlebars didn't.  He then tells me he'll give my the handlebars back, but will give me his old stem.  Meaning- we'll swap stems.  I don't think he understood that I had intended on SELLING him the stem.  What the heck am I going to do with another darn stem?  At the time I didn't know what to say- it was awkward.  So I sat on it.  Granted I know he's cheap, but I thought I would casually bring it up and tell him that I didn't want his stem and ask him to give me like $20 for mine.  But today...he told me he needed to get the handlebars back and the stem. I told him I didn't want his stem and didn't have the guts to ask him to pay me for my stem- it's kind of awkward asking a friend (who you know, but not extremely well for money).  So I just told him to keep that stem because I didn't know what to do with it and didn't want another stem sitting around.  It's crappy- kind of rusted, not a great stem at all.  I'd be lucky to get a few pennies for it.  So then he felt bad, and insisted that I take his stem.  So...I am so stupid for even trying to be nice to help someone out by cutting him a deal, and really stupid that I didn't stand firm and ask him to pay me, which I told him in the first place that I would SELL him the stem.  I usuaylly stand up for myself in any type of situation, but have a hard time doing so when it involves money!  Does anyone else have this issue?  I gues smy lesson learned...I shouldn't offer to help people so much- especially the cheap ones who just don't get it when you say the word "SELL".

Edited by runnergirl28 2005-09-20 10:59 AM


2005-09-20 11:14 AM
in reply to: #250148

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Master
2231
200010010025
Des Moines, Iowa
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!

Janelle,  You're not wrong or stupid for being nice and offering to help someone.  This guy is the one who is wrong! Don't blame yourself for his wrong.  It's hard to learn the diplomacy of confronting someone who is taking advantage of you, but once you learn to do it graciously, you'll feel better about yourself.  You can be nice and not get taken advantage of.  Check out the book, "The Peacemaker."  Great book on this type of thing.  Blessings...

2005-09-20 11:16 AM
in reply to: #250148

Champion
8903
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Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
To me, if the friendship is worth $20, I just let it go. In the great plan of life that he has for us, it doesn't mean much in the end.

2005-09-20 11:19 AM
in reply to: #250148

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Got Wahoo?
5423
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San Antonio
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Forget that. Tell him you want your $20 bucks. If he's so cheap and tight that he will blatantly take advantage of you like that, he's not someone you need to be concerned about anyway. Tell him you think he missunderstood - that you offered to SELL him the piece, and if he doesn't want to pay for it, you'd like it back.
2005-09-20 11:23 AM
in reply to: #250148

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Elite
4344
2000200010010010025
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!

Make a tag with "Stem $20" on it.  Hang it on his bike.  When he sees it, ask if he would like make a purchase or is just looking.

TW

2005-09-20 11:27 AM
in reply to: #250148

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The Original
7834
5000200050010010010025
Raleigh/Durham
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Or... I could just slip him a, invoice/ note- right Welshy?  lol


2005-09-20 11:38 AM
in reply to: #250148

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2005-09-20 12:24 PM
in reply to: #250148

Elite
2421
2000100100100100
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Just send him some dog crap...

http://www.smellypoop.com/

Or not, seeing as how it's illegal and all.

bts
2005-09-20 12:30 PM
in reply to: #250238

The Original
7834
5000200050010010010025
Raleigh/Durham
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!

Brett - 2005-09-20 1:24 PM Just send him some dog crap... http://www.smellypoop.com/Or not, seeing as how it's illegal and all. bts

LOL- is that website for real???  That's halarious!  I coudn't do that.

2005-09-20 12:41 PM
in reply to: #250148

Pro
4206
20002000100100
Los Angeles, CA
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
I think you are too nice. I think everyone has been in this situation at least once. As long as it doesn't fall into a pattern, you won't fall onto the side of stupid.

Are you sure he misunderstood you or did he "dupe" you
2005-09-20 12:53 PM
in reply to: #250148

The Original
7834
5000200050010010010025
Raleigh/Durham
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Ok- so I'm just too nice in general.  For example, I was talking to a lady in my spin class (mind you, where I live is a small town) and the lady was talking about running VA Beach.  I told her I was also going wiht a group of friends.  She told me that she didn't have anyone to go with becuase her training partner had a stress fracture and wasn't able to go.  All the hotels were booked and she didn't have a place. So....I asked her if she wanted to come with us.  To make a long story short, she was completely harmless but bugged us all to death.  It was a true test with my patience.  Now she's always calling me and emailing me because she wants to hang out on the weekends with me.  She's 45, has 2 kids, is divorced and apparently is looking for friends.  So...yeah, I have a history of being nice.  However, the money situationw th the stem is the first financial "being to nice" situation.


2005-09-20 11:02 PM
in reply to: #250148

Elite
3020
20001000
Bay Area, CA
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!

He might not have realized that you wanted to sell it or thought that a trade would be fine with you. 

Usually, in situations like this, you need to set it up better in the first place.  Something like "Yeah, you could try my stem, and then if it works for you I'll sell it to you for $20." (or whatever you feel comfortable with.)

I've noticed that you really do need to mention the actual $$ figure to get the idea across that you are selling for $$ not trading or anything else.

I wouldn't worry about it at this point, I mean, it's only $20, just be ready with a better approach next time.

2005-09-21 7:09 AM
in reply to: #250148

Master
1597
1000500252525
Colorado
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!

Someone just told me I'm pretty mean .  PM me his address and I'll get you your $20 (or would you like more?).

2005-09-21 8:48 PM
in reply to: #250148

Master
1946
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Bronze member
Subject: RE: I am too nice...or maybe just stupid!
Let it go. Tell him when HE upgrades- to pass it on....
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