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2013-06-27 3:14 PM

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Subject: Question for Parents of older Teens

I'm wondering if any of you ever put guidelines on the type of degree study you are willing to help pay for.

I'm not sure I'd be willing to shell out $30,000 for a basket weaving certificate. 

(no offense to basket weavers intended, just throwing something very generic in there)



2013-06-27 3:29 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

First off let me say I am not a parent of a teen, but I do work at a University.  I am a Lab Manager in a R&D contract lab.

I hear about this quite frequently, that parents will not pay for their students history/theology/philosophy degree.  I mean no offense to those that have a degree in those, just using them as an example.  I think the arts are a great thing, and I am a history buff.  While there might be some great jobs in those fields, they are limited.

For me it would really depend on how financially secure I was.  But I would be more likely to pay for my child's college degree if it was in a STEM field, rather then the study of underwater basket weaving.

2013-06-27 3:59 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

Ya know Kate, I basket weave and that kind of comment just really gets me..............kidding Tongue out

So, not a parent of a teen either but I was a teen who tested my parents often!  All I can tell you is that my dad was not super pleased with my choice of the psychology/sociology double major.  He didn't know what the heck I would with such a degree(s).  I argued that I would go to grad school of course!

Well, he was right, I never went to grad school and am not using the degrees.  I suppose that just having a degree of any sort got me in the door and into my current career.  But if I could do it over, I would've listen to dear old dad and picked something that would led to a better career path.

Point being, don't be afraid to heavily attempt to influence your kids on choice of collegiate studies.  It doesn't mean they'll listen, but hey, it is your money we're talking about here!

2013-06-27 4:00 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by KateTri1

I'm wondering if any of you ever put guidelines on the type of degree study you are willing to help pay for.

I'm not sure I'd be willing to shell out $30,000 for a basket weaving certificate. 

(no offense to basket weavers intended, just throwing something very generic in there)

If my kid sees this he'll be crushed.

2013-06-27 4:05 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
My sister and I were encouraged to pursue paths where our passions and strengths intersected. I hope to do the same should I ever have children. 

2013-06-27 4:10 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

I have two college aged kids. The youngest went straight from HS to college with a psyc/sociology major with a pre-sem focus. He's in his last year and has switched to a pre-med focus. We foot the bill for undergrad, he gets to pay for post-grad.

The oldest went to trade school for a couple semesters, then quit. We paid for the trade school, and a LOT of tools. Now he's looking at an EMS program. We're still discussing if/how much we will help with that one. 



2013-06-27 4:28 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

I grew up poor, so it didn't matter, my parents didn't spend any money on my education.  I was also the first one on my dad's side of the family to ever go to college.  My mom did go to undergrad and grad school while I was in 5-9th grades.  I never had any talking to about what I want to major in or where I wanted to go.  I had 100% support.  I've got another 10 years till I'm in that position, but I plan on supporting my daughter no matter what.  Unless she wants to go to a for-profit school!

I'm a firm believer that you don't actually learn much on how to do a job in college.  You learn how to learn to do a job.  And take criticism.

2013-06-27 4:28 PM
in reply to: rrrunner

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

I definitely think it's appropriate to have frank discussions about this kind of stuff with your kids. I'm an artist (and yes, I actually make money doing it), but I have an engineering degree, and FWIW, I would NOT pay for my kid to go to art school.

When I was in high school my parents were very up front with me about what they felt comfortable paying for. Art school? No way. Engineering or science? Sure, no problem, find the best school you can get into. Nursing school or teaching? Okay, but only at an in-state public college, since they didn't see any benefit of paying a zillion dollars for that kind of degree. 

I'm glad they let me in on this kind of decision making. It made me think critically about how to spend money, and the value of education. So I got a useful degree, and I don't regret it. I didn't graduate with loans. I got a good job out of college and saved oodles of money. And when I decided art was still my thing and I would regret never trying it, I was in a good financial position to give it a try. I also knew at that point that getting an art degree was not the best way to actually become a professional artist, and was thankful I didn't waste the $ on it. Oh, and for the record, my parents are my biggest fans now that I'm a painter, and I'm 100% thankful that they wouldn't send me to art school.

Teach your kids to think critically. Cost-benefit analysis applies to all the big decisions in life. Might as well start 'em young!

2013-06-27 5:01 PM
in reply to: Justin86

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
What's wrong with underwater basket weaving? 
2013-06-27 5:04 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by KateTri1

I'm not sure I'd be willing to shell out $30,000 for a basket weaving certificate. 

Just had the discussion with the HS Junior the other day.  I expressed that we would not be paying $80K for a 2 year degree from a culinary school.  Whatever we (parents) pay for will have a 4 year piece of paper at the end.

My .02. 

2013-06-27 6:38 PM
in reply to: CerveloP2K

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

My girl is only eight but if her dream is in basket weaving I just know I'll pay for it!  Of course I'd love her to be a doctor

Who knows - right now she wants to go on The Voice and be a singer.



2013-06-27 7:55 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

This one is easy.  Don't pay for their college and then you don't have to worry about what they do.  ;-)

That's what we're doing.

2013-06-27 8:02 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Also not a Parent, but I have been teaching high school for 17 years.
I tell my 9th graders the very first day: None of your parents poop money, it is not to early to start thinking about scholarships, and grants, get good grades so you won't have to try and figure this out in your senior year.

When they ask me about career choices I tell them to do some research and find out where the (anticipated) openings are going to be, and how much education is required and how much it is going to cost.

If the student is giving it the Que sera sera attitude I suggest to the parents that they have the kid take out a loan for the first semester. If they student gets above a certain grade point average the parents pay off that loan. Next semester the same thing, and so on. You will be amazed at how this helps students buckle down and consider their career choices.

I also suggest they look into ROTC programs This can help save them quite a bit of money

Finally I tell them to pick a Major that has flexibility such as medicine. You can go into Nursing, Physical therapy, Physicians assistant, EMS... etc..
2013-06-27 8:12 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
My daughter will be a HS junior in the fall, so I've been having these types of thoughts also. Years ago I worked in the admissions office at a highly selective liberal arts college (I studied at one also, with a BA in East Asian Studies), which maybe influences my perspective on the topic also.

My thinking goes like this:

If your kid is bright, motivated, and a high achiever, it doesn't matter too much what he/she studies in college. The kid will find a way to get a good job or a go to a good grad school or both. So you should help pay for it.

If your kid is fairly average and will struggle through college, he/she should study something practical that clearly leads to a job. Engineering and nursing may be a good choices, even for dedicated but struggling student.

The harder question to answer is if you or I should pay for the average kid who wants to study something without job prospects. I'm trying to avoid this decision by trying to influence my daughter now to think about nursing.....

Brian
2013-06-27 8:40 PM
in reply to: famelec

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

I paid for my own university education but I plan to pay for my child's. In Canada we have RESPs which if you contribute to - the government will add to it as well so a little each year can add up quickly.   We also live down the street from a very good university so she can live at home and help out with her spending money and books.  Now if she chooses to go elsewhere she can pay her own costs of living.

I think it's a lot to expect an 18 year old to know what path they will follow for the rest of their lives.  I started pre-med, then spent a year taking a broad range of courses and ended up graduating with a science degree... which I don't use at all in my career.

It's my belief that it's not so much what you learn but how you learn.  University teaches you how to find the answers and forces you to think about things from many different perspectives.  You learn to write and communicate.  These are the skills that will set you up for success.  I have successfully changed my career path many times and it's not at all related to what I studied in school but how I approach situations and deal with things.  So my thoughts are - explore what interests you whether it be languages, history, art or science and learn the skills that will prepare you for a career.

I do believe they should contribute in some way - it'll make them appreciate it all the more.

2013-06-27 8:46 PM
in reply to: lisac957

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by lisac957

My sister and I were encouraged to pursue paths where our passions and strengths intersected. I hope to do the same should I ever have children. 




I have a son who is 20 and I would LOVE for him to study any higher education right now.

Our other son is 18, just graduated from HS and will be going to University of North Texas in the Fall. He is studying business which I am not happy about but that is not the point. This is what he wants. He is very driven and focused so I have less worries about him.

We saved but we also have FIVE kids. Our son knows how much money we have and that he will be responsible for anything over that.

I would not worry about this though. I can't tell you how many business majors work retail or in food service. The major is minor if you know what I mean. They should study something that moves them, they will be more likely to graduate.


2013-06-27 8:47 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old. When the 20 year old was looking at schools for a degree in culinary arts, we talked to him about his options. He didn't want to live too far away, so it was really down to two schools. One was a bit more prestigious liberal arts college and $52k a year, the other was a solid culinary arts school at $32k a year. The latter also offered to mach the scholarship money he had received at another school, and to accept him into the 3-year accelerated BA program. Since he did his part with the scholarships and other awards, we were able to afford to pay off the balance, so he has very minimal loans (~$5k).

My youngest is going to go to college for engineering next year. He's been in a magnet HS and will have guaranteed admission to three local schools ranging in cost from free to $52k a year (same school as above). Because my ex works at one of those schools he'll get 100% tuition remission. We told him if he chooses that school we will bank the money we would have spent on college for him to use in graduate school (or a house).

I think economics is an important lesson. Better they learn it before they take on debt than afterwards when they realize their chosen profession won't pay the bills.
2013-06-27 9:02 PM
in reply to: tuwood

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by tuwood

This one is easy.  Don't pay for their college and then you don't have to worry about what they do.  ;-)

That's what we're doing.




That's similar to what my family did--I had a set small amount of $ set aside for me after graduation. That was mine to do whatever I wanted. I could put it toward paying a portion of basketweaving, acting lessons, buying a bike, travelling, an Ivy league school and engineering degree, hookers and blow, whatever. But all expenses beyond that amount of $, I was on my own.

In the end, I earned scholarships to cover my tuition, worked, and then had that $ to help a bit in paying rent/books/etc.

2013-06-28 6:55 AM
in reply to: verga

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

Originally posted by verga I also suggest they look into ROTC programs This can help save them quite a bit of money

I have a friend from high school that did ROTC and was a RA for at least 2, maybe 3 years.  At his school, that meant for 2-3 years his bill for school was zero - ROTC covered 100% of tuition, the RA covered 100% of room.  After his 1st year, all he really had to pay for were books and food.

2013-06-28 8:48 AM
in reply to: scorpio516

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by scorpio516

I grew up poor, so it didn't matter, my parents didn't spend any money on my education.  I was also the first one on my dad's side of the family to ever go to college.  My mom did go to undergrad and grad school while I was in 5-9th grades.  I never had any talking to about what I want to major in or where I wanted to go.  I had 100% support.  I've got another 10 years till I'm in that position, but I plan on supporting my daughter no matter what.  Unless she wants to go to a for-profit school!

I'm a firm believer that you don't actually learn much on how to do a job in college.  You learn how to learn to do a job.  And take criticism.

This, this and this.

I have a friend that majored in French.  She is not a major project manager for Sprint and relatively high up.

I have another friend that majored in technical theatre (you know, making sets and doing the lighting, etc).  He is now an architect.

I went to a small Liberal Arts school and it amazes me when folks make blanket statements about not paying for an education that "won't pay off".  That is a load of garbage.  It isn't the major you get, it is what you learn and how you apply yourself.  I know more individuals with Arts/music/humanities majors that are doing a hell of a lot better than the folks that got business/economics/"valued major" majors. 

Hell, I have a BA in biology with a molecular concentration and I haven't been in the lab for close to 15 years.  I'm a product manager now and sit at a desk all damn day.  And I'm finally thinking of going back to get an MBA because I love the business side of things.  But what I learned in the non-science classes I took have taken me infinitely farther than those I took towards my major.

2013-06-28 9:00 AM
in reply to: mmrocker13

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
Originally posted by mmrocker13
Originally posted by tuwood

This one is easy.  Don't pay for their college and then you don't have to worry about what they do.  ;-)

That's what we're doing.

That's similar to what my family did--I had a set small amount of $ set aside for me after graduation. That was mine to do whatever I wanted. I could put it toward paying a portion of basketweaving, acting lessons, buying a bike, travelling, an Ivy league school and engineering degree, hookers and blow, whatever. But all expenses beyond that amount of $, I was on my own. In the end, I earned scholarships to cover my tuition, worked, and then had that $ to help a bit in paying rent/books/etc.

OK, so my oldest son is going to be a freshmen at University of Nebraska next year and we chose to not pay for his college up front because we want him to have ownership and put forth maximum effort.

When he graduates we do plan to bless him and pay for his loans, but we've told him point blank that if he screws off in college and doesn't graduate then he's screwing himself with a lot of debt and nothing to show for it.

Now the ironic thing is when it comes to financial aid we're finding out he's pretty much screwed and we're going to be forced into helping him up front.  All of the financial aid is "need" based and because his parents make decent money he doesn't qualify for anything.

So essentially the system doesn't want to allow us to encourage our child to be more responsible.  It appears to be along the lines of forcing us into paying up front.

I was just googling some different financial aid options for kids with parents that don't pay and found this link.
http://www.finaid.org/otheraid/parentsrefuse.phtml

All i can say is OMG, that seems like one of the biggest entitlement driven propaganda things I've ever read.  yikes.
My favorite paragraph:
Some parents feel that they can't afford to pay for college or are up to their eyebrows in debt. They don't realize that paying for your children's college education entails sacrifice. The parents will have to forgo buying a new or second car, clothing or big-screen TV, going on the annual vacation to Aruba, eating out every night, and a few other luxuries to help pay for their children's education. It won't be easy, but most families can afford college if they really try.

What's funny is I do want to contribute to my kids' education, but I want to do it in a way that I feel will motivate them to be successful.  Reward for good behavior versus give before it's earned.

I know this is off topic from your original post Kate, but I found it very interesting and somewhat related.



2013-06-28 9:12 AM
in reply to: crowny2

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens
#1 son is headed off to college in August - He'll be in Humanities and we're perfectly happy footing the bill. Kid came wired, direct from the factory, oriented to work and he's going to do well no matter what degree he pursues in college. The decision he made was to pass on the admit to our State U. and that means whatever comes after his Bachelors will be on him. B-school is running over $80k/yr at lots of top programs, so he might wish he'd stayed local when he's confronted with that harsh reality..
2013-06-28 10:00 AM
in reply to: verga

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

Originally posted by verga Also not a Parent, but I have been teaching high school for 17 years. I tell my 9th graders the very first day: None of your parents poop money, it is not to early to start thinking about scholarships, and grants, get good grades so you won't have to try and figure this out in your senior year. When they ask me about career choices I tell them to do some research and find out where the (anticipated) openings are going to be, and how much education is required and how much it is going to cost. If the student is giving it the Que sera sera attitude I suggest to the parents that they have the kid take out a loan for the first semester. If they student gets above a certain grade point average the parents pay off that loan. Next semester the same thing, and so on. You will be amazed at how this helps students buckle down and consider their career choices. I also suggest they look into ROTC programs This can help save them quite a bit of money Finally I tell them to pick a Major that has flexibility such as medicine. You can go into Nursing, Physical therapy, Physicians assistant, EMS... etc..

I really like this!  I talk to my HS students also about preparing for college as soon as the first week of school.  IT isn't limited to just freshmen either, I do this with all of the levels. I just push it harder when they are freshmen and sophomores.

2013-06-28 10:07 AM
in reply to: alltom1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

Thanks so much to everyone for their thoughtful responses. There is so much collective wisdom here on BT.

I feel very grateful to be part of this online community. 

2013-06-28 10:36 AM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Question for Parents of older Teens

 

I don't have kids yet but can relay my college experience. I was blessed by my parents to have my tuition paid for by them. I chose a school that wasn't too outrageous in price because they offered to pay. I covered my living expenses with a part time job, nothing too crazy, I managed to live pretty cheaply in college.

That said I do think I might have put in a bit more work if I had more skin in the game. I double majored and did okay, graduated and all, no issues there. I majored in Business/International Political Economy and my second major was General Music. At the time I was very heavy into music as I had been involved since the age of 5 playing multiple instruments and such. I definitely enjoyed my music classes but now I don't know that they were the best use of my time in school. I was always intimidated by math and science as I was not exposed to them in high school, now I wish I had given it a better college try. I am interested in engineering, design and such and find myself a bit jealous of a friend of mine that got a mechanical engineering degree. I think I may have buckled down a bit more and maybe tried something along those lines if I had been more mature and had more skin in it at the time. 

I am not unhappy now but I don't think I squeezed every last opportunity out of college as I could have. I do agree that any college major will teach you how to think, how to write, how to discuss/argue, how to communicate, and I think I learned a lot of that in school.

My wife's experience was completely different from mine, I went to a private liberal arts school and didn't have to make much money so I could focus on school. She had no help at all so she worked 40 hours a week and went to night school. She is very jealous of my college experience and does not have many fond memories of hers. She could only afford a state commuter school and it just isn't the same. So while I don't want to make it too easy for my future kids, I also don't want to make it as hard as she had it as she really had too much going on to be able to focus on anything. She passed classes but she really only had time to be able to figure out what she had to do to pass and do that, no time to go in depth and really learn different subjects. 

Good thing I am a long way off from this bridge.

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