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2013-11-04 10:13 PM

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Elite
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2000500100100
Puyallup, WA
Bronze member
Subject: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

So my mom (only child) has run into a problem. And I want to do something, but not sure what I can do 2,000 miles away. My grandfather had a woman who came in to help him a few days a week. My mother (who has shared checking account) discovered quite a few checks and quite a few cash withdrawals were occurring. Dots were connected and realized it was the woman who was working for him. She no longer works for him.

My grandfather doesn't have alzheimer's, but he may be in the "dementia" category. He is of relatively sound mind except his short term memory is terrible. (He is 97! I'm sure your hard drive is getting full by then!) He remembers some things, like he remembered I was pregnant, but repeats himself in a short letter.

My mom is pretty sure that he is giving the woman the money, willingly, but isn't remembering that he gave her money a few days ago. They have breakfast Monday, Wednesday & Friday and seem to go to the bank on the same days to cash a check or make a withdrawal.

I guess it could be that my grandfather does in fact remember doing this...but for this discussion lets assume that he doesn't remember. And/or she convinces him he didn't. He says it's a loan...

My grandfather has done well and is by no means endlessly rich. But he is 97 and there are no real health issues, so we want to make sure there is enough money to continue paying for his care! (He is in assisted living)

My mom is going for guardianship, but that isn't instantaneous and won't be pretty. My mom recently confronted the woman, while my grandfather was there and the woman claimed she wasn't doing anything. All signs point to her.

My mom turned it into the police, but she isn't really doing anything illegal (unless she forged a check, which may or may not be true).

At one point in time my grandfather said he was going to marry her. She's probably in her 40's and has a boyfriend elsewhere...which my grandfather also didn't know. (But was told and then I'm sure forgot about and/or was told they weren't together.)

In about 4 months, it's probably been about $20K she has "convinced" him to give her. It's sad that this isn't unheard of with the elderly. Anyone have a similar experience and/or advice?

Sorry about the length...but was trying to answer any questions before they were asked. As I mentioned, lets assume he is in fact forgetting that he gave her money...



2013-11-05 9:27 AM
in reply to: lkct01234

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Chicago, IL
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

Man, that really blows.

So far as I see it, assuming some sort of intervention is absolutely necessary, you/your mom, needs to restrict his access to cash in some way.
If he lives in a tiny community, with a small local bank, it might be worth speaking to the bank manager to inform them on the suspicions. If they're familiar with him, and they might be if he's cashing checks 3 times a week, they might be willing to run interference, or call your mom to talk to him while he's at the bank. To be honest, that's a long shot.

Personally, I would open an online savings account (Capital One 360, Schwab, HSBC Direct, etc...), transfer ALL the money to the online account, and transfer small amounts into the checking account when necessary. If the existing account is a joint-checking, then your mom should be able to do this without having to grant access to your grandfather (aka. don't give him the password). This limits the downside potential at any given time.

Rather an extreme measure, but desperate times and all that...

2013-11-05 9:41 AM
in reply to: Brit Abroad

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Champion
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500050001001001001002525
Dallas, TX
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...
Originally posted by Brit Abroad

Man, that really blows.

So far as I see it, assuming some sort of intervention is absolutely necessary, you/your mom, needs to restrict his access to cash in some way.
If he lives in a tiny community, with a small local bank, it might be worth speaking to the bank manager to inform them on the suspicions. If they're familiar with him, and they might be if he's cashing checks 3 times a week, they might be willing to run interference, or call your mom to talk to him while he's at the bank. To be honest, that's a long shot.

Personally, I would open an online savings account (Capital One 360, Schwab, HSBC Direct, etc...), transfer ALL the money to the online account, and transfer small amounts into the checking account when necessary. If the existing account is a joint-checking, then your mom should be able to do this without having to grant access to your grandfather (aka. don't give him the password). This limits the downside potential at any given time.

Rather an extreme measure, but desperate times and all that...




What a great idea!

Honestly didn't have any suggestions, I just wanted to say... WOAH... $20,000 in 4 MONTHS?! WOW. Not good at all. That's a lot of money she has drained out of his account. It is so sad when people misuse the elderly's trust.

2013-11-05 9:45 AM
in reply to: KSH

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Expert
3114
20001000100
Boise, ID
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

 

Yep, get an account that requires outside approval before he can get to it. Then create another account with a checkbook or debit card (his choice) and just transfer money there as he needs it. Of course he would have to be agreeable to this idea, hopefully he is. 

2013-11-05 9:55 AM
in reply to: Aarondb4

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Pro
4313
20002000100100100
McKinney, TX
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...


Fraud or coercion come to mind.

See if the state has an Adult Protective Services dept.....similar to CPS....

Report her and the company she works for.

2013-11-05 3:25 PM
in reply to: 0

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Champion
10270
500050001001002525
Puyallup, WA
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

EDIT: lol! Forgot hubby was signed in!!

...but this is Lisa...

Thanks for the suggestion about opening an account. My mom did, however he has an investment account that she isn't listed on. So when he needs money...he calls and gets it transferred.

He is upset with my mom because he feels like she is saying he is being dishonest. She tries to explain thats not true. My mom has talked to him many times...but to no avail.

And since he is upset with my mom it is doubtful that he would let her get on the one account she isn't on. Although his lawyer and brokerage contact have known him for years...and know my mom. They legally can't do anything about it.

She has tried the senior services..but they can only send condolences because they aren't aware of anything illegal.

I think the only thing is to get guardianship, but she has to take him to court...and it's not a quick process.

It sucks...to say the least. :-(



Edited by briderdt 2013-11-05 3:27 PM


2013-11-07 11:28 AM
in reply to: briderdt

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Regular
637
50010025
Chicago
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

Can your  mom apply for power of attorney?

2013-11-07 11:52 AM
in reply to: doxie

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Expert
3114
20001000100
Boise, ID
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...

 

Perhaps the lawyer and the investment manager could be some help in advising him on a way to protect his money better. 

2013-11-07 2:37 PM
in reply to: Aarondb4

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Champion
10473
500050001001001001002525
Dallas, TX
Subject: RE: COJ need your help/ideas - 97 year old grandfather and money...
Someone should make a surprise trip to eat breakfast with him and his lady friend.

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