General Discussion Introduce Yourself!!! » What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person Rss Feed  
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2014-07-15 11:31 AM


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Subject: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person
Triath-a-Wrong
What happens when the triathlon bug bites the wrong type of person.

I got bitten in late 2012. Like all things in my life, I became totally engrossed in anything triathlon. I read books, searched online resources, joined a local triathlon team,and dove head first into training. I spent oodles of money on gear and races. I dedicated the majority of my free time to training. When I wasn't at work, either I was thinking about training or actually training. Everything was going great. I was progressing nicely. I finished my first season, eager to improve in the "offseason" and kick some serious tail in then 2014 season. I worked hard all through 2013 and then into 2014. I was like a time bomb ready to explode on the 1st race of my 2014 season. And I did. Decked out in my team gear, I improved dramatically in all areas from my rookie season. I improved my overall and individual discipline times. I placed 3rd in my age group at my 1st "A" priority race. Everything was going great. I was planning on increasing my distance later this season. And then it all came crashing down. I found out my wife was having an affair.

I haven't mentioned my wife until now , because in all actuality I left her out of my training. I ignored her needs. She never really liked the triathlon community. Yeah, she would come to my races during my first season, but I know she did not like the way my training was getting in the way of our relationship. And I don't blame her. Every free minute I had was dedicated to triathlon. I could see it was pushing her further away but I didn't care. I thought that eventually she would give in and let me do as I wanted. We would have fights all the time about the same things. Me not putting her first, spending too much time training , and the early 0430 alarm clock 3x/week on my swim days. I didn't listen. I kept on. Like an idiot I choose to ignore the needs of my loving wife of 6 years.

She was the live of my life. I was never really good at expressing my feelings. I didn't have many good role models growing up, so I guess I never really knew what to do. She was good to me. She was my polish princess. She was innocent. And I tainted her. She started seeing a friend of ours who was attracted to her. I guess he gave her what I did not. He showed interest in her, told her she was "flawless" and "beautiful ". All true, but things I neglected to tell my wife. I should have noticed the signs of infidelity but I didn't think she was capable of it. She started chatting with him on Facebook. She would make plans to go to NYC with one of her work girlfriends to meet up and spend overnights at his home. I didn't want to be that guy who doesn't let his wife out with her friends so I let her go without problem. She met up with him 3 times for sexual encounters and stayed over night in his house. While this was happening I was home, worrying about her partying in the big bad city, all the time she was in another mans arms. I was also excited cause now that she was out of the house, I could do long workouts in the mornings without hearing about it later. She snuck away one Friday morning to meet up with him while I was at work. I was clueless, stupid, and had my mind and attention focused elsewhere. I was blinded to the needs of my wife and she found it elsewhere.

My world came cashing down almost 2 weeks ago today. I have never felt so much pain before in my life. I was angry, sad , in a coma. You name it and i was there at some point. How could she do this to me? She was my everything, the glimmer of my eye, but I failed to show her and prove it. I am not saying she is justified into what she did. But I can honestly see how it happened. I set up the pins and she knocked them all down. I have never been so low in my life. How could I let this happen? How did I get us to this point? I'll tell you. It's simple I ignored the needs of my wife.

My advice to you, or any triathlete is to put the needs of your wife and family first. In the end that is all that matters. Our significant others deserve our attention. If not they will find it somewhere else. I learned this the hard way. We have chosen to stay together and are now going to counseling. I am optimistic. The love that I have for my wife is real. Although I will love her very much, there is now something missing when I look at here. I don't know if it will ever be the same but I am I optimistic. In conclusion I ask you to love your significant other and listen to what they have to say. It is easy to get caught up in the whirlwind that is triathlon. As for myself, I am still training but now it is only on my time. I realized what really matters in life and I am not going to loose it again.


2014-07-15 3:18 PM
in reply to: Second_Season_Tri

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Champion
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Sarasota, FL
Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person

Sorry for your problems.  Good luck with working things out. 

Triathlon can be a very selfish, self-indulgent pursuit if you let it.  But then again, so can countless other hobbies like golf, hunting, fishing, or bowling. 

If you want to assign blame, blame the person in the mirror, not triathlon. 

Mark

2014-07-15 3:26 PM
in reply to: RedCorvette

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Plaquemine, Louisiana
Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person

Originally posted by RedCorvette

Sorry for your problems.  Good luck with working things out. 

Triathlon can be a very selfish, self-indulgent pursuit if you let it.  But then again, so can countless other hobbies like golf, hunting, fishing, or bowling. 

If you want to assign blame, blame the person in the mirror, not triathlon. 

Mark

I agree. I hate to hear people say their relationships are strained or fell apart. But its our responsibility to prioritize.  IMO family will always be more important than training and racing.

2014-07-15 5:24 PM
in reply to: DigitalRain

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Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person

I'm so sorry to hear how much pain you're in.  You're devastated and angry.  This may sound weird, but now that you've had a chance to reassess your priorities, you have the opportunity to use that discipline that you developed with all your training.  You can take that mental fortitude that got you through the tough workouts when you were hurting and wanted to quit, and apply it toward healing yourself and your relationship.  Allow yourself to grieve, be angry, be sad, experience the emotions that feel like they're going to drown you.  Then remember how you managed a tough OWS, maybe your first race, when you were gulping water, floundering around, getting kicked in the ribs.  You survived, and you came out stronger, maybe not that day but you learned that day what to do and not do.  Relationships work like that too.  You go through hard times, things may not turn out the way you want them to, but you get through it, you figure it out, you find a way to keep living and growing. 

Hang in there.  Hopefully you can find comfort in your training while still doing the hard work you need to do to heal.  The healing will come in time and with commitment, just like your athletic ability did.

Take care.

2014-07-15 10:36 PM
in reply to: 0

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Great White North
Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person
Probably not her first cheat... sorry to be a pessimist.

At 37 I have been doing Tri off and on for 26 years, swimming for 29. My wife knew this on day 1. She knows sport is huge part of my life.

What were you doing before Tri?

Edited by simpsonbo 2014-07-15 10:39 PM
2014-07-21 7:08 AM
in reply to: RedCorvette


2

Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person
I am not blaming triathlon for what has happened. I was purley tying to warn those new to the sport that focusing too much on it can ghave dire results. I do appreciate your feedback. I know I have some issues personnaly that I need to work out.


2014-07-21 5:07 PM
in reply to: Second_Season_Tri

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Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person
i am sorry to hear the bad news. my marriage almost ended this year due to similar reasons. I was obsessed with my hobbies and then spent the rest of time with my 3 year old daughter.

I learned very quickly to set aside the interests that were specific to me...and go with a hobby we can both share. I also learned that although i love her and my daughter equally, my wife needs to feel she is #1.
2014-07-22 3:28 PM
in reply to: Second_Season_Tri

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Aledo, Texas
Subject: RE: What Happens When the Triathlon Bug bites the wrong person
I am brand new to tris - in fact, I'm not even going to do my first race until next year. I am planning on building a base for the rest of this year. My wife is a runner (like me) with aspirations of doing her first marathon next Spring. We have had several discussions about how we are going to balance time for each of our respective workouts (particularly long runs), while also having enough time for each other and our young son.

Your story is an excellent reminder to me, as I am about to jump into this sport, about the importance of priorities and compromise. I am sorry that this reminder comes at your expense, and I hope that counseling benefits you and your wife. Best wishes.
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