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2015-07-29 3:33 PM

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Subject: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
Surprisingly often, when people find out that I am a triathlete they instantly tell me why they "can't" do triathlons.

Spoiler: usually they say "I can't run because of my knees" or they say "I suck at swimming". Very occasionally they will give a more honest and less irritating excuse of "I hate running"

Does this happen to the rest of you as well? I swear like 70% of the people who discover I'm a triathlete respond with some statement along those lines.

I can't quite put my finger in just what about it bothers me so much.

Maybe it feels like they are diminishing my achievement by writing it off as "oh well. I'm not naturally good at xxxx like you. You are so lucky". When I reality I couldn't swim (at all) when I started at 31 years old and I could barely run. I only kinda liked biking... But only owned a $200 steel bike made in the 1990s.

Like if you met a doctor who just graduated from Harvard medical school would you say: "I couldn't go to Harvard medical because I don't have a trust fund"

Venting...


2015-07-29 3:59 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

I can't read this without my glasses.

2015-07-29 4:02 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
It should not bother you. Who cares why they don;t participate in a hobby you enjoy?

I had an employee who would ask me what I was going to do to relax on the weekends. I would tell him I was going to ride. He'd get worked up and tell em that is not relaxing.

I just explained that riding is as relaxing to me as sitting on a couch and watching TV is relaxing to others.

He finally stopped telling me riding was not relaxing.
2015-07-29 8:41 PM
in reply to: Hugh in TX

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

I think it is just making conversation.  The flip side, maybe you could tell them your story and inspire someone instead of taking it as an annoyance. I know I was full of excuses before I was talked into my first race. The triathletes that encouraged me to try are now some of my very best friends .

2015-07-30 7:10 AM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

A while back I was getting in the elevator with my bike after my morning commute. Lady walks in with me, asks me if I rode my bike in... My mind says "Duh!" but I just said "yeah, it's only about 8 and a half miles." She says, "I'd never do that." I just looked her over and said, "I know."

2015-07-30 8:37 AM
in reply to: briderdt

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

Originally posted by briderdt

A while back I was getting in the elevator with my bike after my morning commute. Lady walks in with me, asks me if I rode my bike in... My mind says "Duh!" but I just said "yeah, it's only about 8 and a half miles." She says, "I'd never do that." I just looked her over and said, "I know."

HA! That is an awesome response.

I kind of get why the OP gets annoyed. It's not like by saying you do triathlons that you're asking them to - it's totally fine to say you're not into it. Why you have to make into excuses when that wasn't even part of the conversation?  A good friend of mine went on and on when she knew I was really into running about how she did a 10k once and it was the most boring thing she ever did. Gee thanks, the hobby i am super into is really boring. But whatever, in the end i do what i like - because half the stuff she does I don't do and am not into.

But these stories make for great lessons in empathy.  When someone is really into something that I am not I just try to share their enthusiasm because I realize there are thousands of hobbies, sports, crafts, etc - and having a passion in life is something worth supporting. 



2015-07-30 11:50 AM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
I think I remember a video making the rounds on Youtube a while ago about somone telling a triathlete all the reasons why they can't do triathlons.

I agree with you that it kind of bugs me. I think the main reason is that, for most people, the excuses aren't legit. I usually try to answer in a positive way that pretty much anyone can do a Sprint tri with a few months of training.

I was probably one of those people at one point. I remember being on my bike and passing some triathletes as they were leaving transition after the NYC Tri in 2002 or so, and thinking they looked superhuman, with their cool outfits and fancy bikes. I never would have put myself into that class at the time.

What got me off the couch was that I watched an episode of some MTV show where this out of shape kid trained for a tri in 60 days, and I thought, "surely if he can do one, so can I."
2015-07-30 11:53 AM
in reply to: juniperjen

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
My theory is people feel the need to assuage their guilt by sharing their excuse. Not many people admit they are fat becuase they lack restraint. They (and I include myself) will tell you that they 'love to eat'....implying that eating food is more satisfying to them than it is to you. And maybe it is? IDK.

I also think some people have legitimate reasons why they can't do triathlons. A buddy of mine really wanted to be a triathlete but he sinks in the pool! He has taken lesson and trained a lot but just can't swim worth a darn. Anothe buddy of mine used to run 10 - 15 miles a day and then had knee problems. He too would love to be a triathlete but just can't.

I could have been a surgeon....but I was too lazy to go to medical school.
2015-07-30 1:09 PM
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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

On the flip side, I used to get annoyed when people would say " oh I could do the 2.4 mile swim no problem", (or the bike portion)  Man, that used to get me, not sure if I was just in that phase of IM craziness or what, but I would often say, "cool, prove it, let's go do it"  (I know with training a lot of people could do it, but still...)



Edited by jford2309 2015-07-30 1:10 PM
2015-07-30 2:24 PM
in reply to: jford2309

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
I guess, having been at endurance sports from a very young age, I've long since stopped caring what people think or say about my passions or expecting them to understand, though I do find their comments funny sometimes. I still laugh about the colleague (also a member at my gym) who told me I was doing "too much cardio". If that isn't a spot-on definition of tri training, what is? A favorite one from some former and current coworkers is that at 46 I am getting "too old" for such strenuous endeavors and should stick to "gentle" stuff like yoga. (Actually, the worst muscle strain I've had in the last decade has been from yoga....) For some reason it's the "yogis" that are most anti-tri--they really don't seem to get it that swimming, biking, and running (as well as outdoor activities like hiking or kayaking) can also be relaxing and meditative, and that intense training and racing require a similar level of total mental focus to an advanced yoga class.
2015-07-30 3:15 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

At quick glance I thought you wrote, Why does it bother me when triathletes tell me their excuses?

So I was thinking about all the times I heard "my last run was at xx pace but I had put in an hour on the bike before".  Or "my swim today sucked but I was at the track before that doing intervals."

I used to be the I hate running guy.  However it went, "you do triathlons, I WISH I could do one but (insert all the running excuses you have heard)".   I did hate running because it hurt my knees from previous injuries.  It's still a love - hate relationship.  The thing of it is I wasn't trying to diminish your accomplishments, I was jealous.  I would also tell you that though.  It was something I had always wanted to do ever since watching the old ABC broadcasts when I was little.

When someone brings up that I do them it usually starts with that's crazy, I couldn't do .....



2015-07-31 6:29 PM
in reply to: Goggles Pizzano

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
I think I understand why it bothers you (us) when people try to make excuses for why they can't do it. They are sort of implying that the fact that we can do it means we have some sort of natural talent for it, rather than that it takes a lot of commitment and hard work.
2015-08-01 10:49 AM
in reply to: jennifer_runs

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
Originally posted by jennifer_runs

I think I understand why it bothers you (us) when people try to make excuses for why they can't do it. They are sort of implying that the fact that we can do it means we have some sort of natural talent for it, rather than that it takes a lot of commitment and hard work.


I think you've nailed it. They defer to your natural God gifted talents as a superhuman athlete like you were born into the sport. To which I respond, "Yeah right. You've obviously never seen me in the water before! A performance just short of spastic."
2015-08-02 2:30 PM
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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
Originally posted by jennifer_runs

I think I understand why it bothers you (us) when people try to make excuses for why they can't do it. They are sort of implying that the fact that we can do it means we have some sort of natural talent for it, rather than that it takes a lot of commitment and hard work.


Yes. That's basically it.

It's the same type of feeling I get when people make comments about what I'm eating like "Oh. YOU get to eat icecream AND look like that. It's not fair. I hate skinny people" these are usually comments from my overweight co-workers or family. And I'm not judging them at all for being overweight...it's actually the reverse. THEY are judging me for being thin (relatively speaking).

I just want to say: "Here's a reality check for you. I've been a vegetarian for 30 years. I don't drink alcohol or sugary drinks. I work out a minimum of 4 days per week but sometimes 6 days a week AND I've had kids AND I work 40+ hours a week AND I'm still 10 pounds overweight. So I don't want to hear you whine about how lucky I am. I'm not lucky, I'm determined. I might not know what it feels like to be 30,40,50 pounds overweight....but I DO know exactly what it feels like to work my a$$ off for years and years and still not have the body I want."

of course....I don't actually say any of that.


Edited by themissj1981 2015-08-02 2:31 PM
2015-08-02 2:39 PM
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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
woops. double post

Edited by themissj1981 2015-08-02 2:40 PM
2015-08-02 2:39 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

Originally posted by jford2309

On the flip side, I used to get annoyed when people would say " oh I could do the 2.4 mile swim no problem", (or the bike portion)  Man, that used to get me, not sure if I was just in that phase of IM craziness or what, but I would often say, "cool, prove it, let's go do it"  (I know with training a lot of people could do it, but still...)



perfect example of this came up in the last week since I created this thread.

I recently was at the pool with a friend. our 2 boys were swimming together and she and I were mostly just chatting, bobbing around and backfloating in the shallow end. But occasionally I would go swim like 4 lengths then come back and chat some more.

Then she asks me how many laps are in the triathlons that I do and I told her usually about 30-60 lengths. Her eyes got wide and she said "Wow, really?" then I said "that's lengths. So it would be like 15-30 laps". she said "Oh. OK. 15 laps. yeah that is totally doable. I could do that.".

And I'm just thinking "Really? You could totally do 15 laps in a 25 meter pool? Just like that, like no problem? because why haven't you even done 1 in the last hour? When's the last time you even swam a lap? I would bet it was at least 10 years ago. And you know for a fact it has taken me more than 3 years of regular training to get to this point and I can still barely complete the distance....but you're that confident that YOU could totally do it?"

I don't really care if she does or does not swim, workout, whatever. It just irked me that she would claim she could "totally" do it when she's made zero effort towards it.

Oh, you climbed Mount Everest? I could TOTALLY do that except I've got this ingrown toenail....


2015-08-02 4:42 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
It doesn't bother me when people tell me why they don't do triathlons. I think of it as conversation, not excuses. When the explanation relates to the swim it often comes from people that are runners or bikers. Two people come to mind when I think of someone saying - " I couldn't do triathlons, my swimming sucks". One is an ultra runner. The other is a much better mountain biker than I am. We have ridden on trails that he rides with ease but scare the you know what out of me because they're so steep and rocky. It's only an excuse if they're envious or have some desire to do triathlons, and as far as I know that's not the case. They just have different interests.

If I tell a good singer that I would be terrified to sing in front of a crowd, I'm not trying to diminish their talent or hard work. I'm just saying that the idea of singing in front of a crowd scares me.
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2015-08-02 6:42 PM
in reply to: donw

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
This thread keeps making me think of how I got into tri in the first place. I was at master's swimming (a small program here in Saigon) and everyone else was a triathlete, several of them into iron distances. Everyone knew I was a decent runner and I was one of the fastest distance swimmers in the pool. The coach mentioned an upcoming race (an off-road sprint) and I said, "I don't think so." "What's your excuse?" he said. "You're not going to tell me that at age 40, you still don't know how to ride a bike!" Everyone kind of jumped on that and I got embarrassed into doing my first tri, ending up second overall.

Seriously, my excuse was that I didn't have/couldn't afford a good bike, and I've always been a slow biker. I had been at running and swimming since age 10, even lived for two years in Hawaii where I ran and swam all the time, and that was my excuse for not doing tri. 46 now--I do have a decent bike, but I'm still (relatively) slow. Whatever. I still kick myself that I didn't get into the sport decades ago. My excuse is one of the dumbest I've ever heard.
2015-08-02 9:08 PM
in reply to: themissj1981


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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
I wouldn't think anything of it.

I'm not trying to belittle anyone's love of golf, for instance, when I say I tried it and didn't like it. If it floats their boat, good for them. To go on and on about how much I dislike golf would make me a jerk to those that enjoy it. Your post has me realizing I've probably been that jerk at times. Your post has me reflecting on that and vowing to be more sensitive to the passions of others.

If triathlon is your thing, enjoy it. If you're getting "excuses" TOO often, perhaps your acquaintances are politely trying to steer conversation towards interests you may have in common.
2015-08-04 6:21 PM
in reply to: Swamp Runner

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

I still don't understand why triathletes can be such a sensitive bunch.  Why waste mental energy if people are making excuses for why THEY don't do triathlon?  Anything they say is just small talk and they don't give it a second thought a minute after the conversation but you go home and be bothered about it?

Just do you and don't be bothered with what others think.

I also must talk to different kinds of people.  Anyone that discusses triathlon with me is all but supportive and impressed.  I never get any negativity.

 

 

2015-08-10 10:34 AM
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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
Here's my guess:

Friend: "There's no way you can do a triathlon, it's xx miles!"
You: "Watch me!"
** a week after the triathlon **
Friend: "Well there's no way I, myself, can do that triathlon. I have knee problems (or other excuse)"


Your problem is not with their excuse for their own shortcoming, but that they could be the same people who try to nay-say you in the first place before you try. Us triathletes don't like to be told negative things like we can't do stuff.

Edited by So Fresh So Clean 2015-08-10 10:34 AM


2015-08-13 8:10 AM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

I struggle more with people who gush about me doing triathlons and all the training for them.  It can be almost embarrassing in some situations if there are people around that I don't know well or at all. 

"You rode how many miles today?  The swim distance is how far?  You work out that many times per week"?  

It's more them making a big deal about what I'm doing vs. them making excuses or deflecting away reasons why they aren't doing tris...

I hate golf, so when I say to a couple of my golfing buddies that I "could never" golf 36 holes of golf in a day, the comment is rooted in the fact that I don't like the sport, not whether I can swing a club 5,000 times in a day (I'm that bad, my cost per swing is the lowest around)    

2015-08-13 1:23 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?

Originally posted by themissj1981. I can't quite put my finger in just what about it bothers me so much.

 

My guess, and it's only a wild guess not knowing anything about you; maybe you care too much about what other people think.

2015-08-17 3:43 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
Originally posted by themissj1981

Originally posted by jennifer_runs

I think I understand why it bothers you (us) when people try to make excuses for why they can't do it. They are sort of implying that the fact that we can do it means we have some sort of natural talent for it, rather than that it takes a lot of commitment and hard work.


Yes. That's basically it.

It's the same type of feeling I get when people make comments about what I'm eating like "Oh. YOU get to eat icecream AND look like that. It's not fair. I hate skinny people" these are usually comments from my overweight co-workers or family. And I'm not judging them at all for being overweight...it's actually the reverse. THEY are judging me for being thin (relatively speaking).

I just want to say: "Here's a reality check for you. I've been a vegetarian for 30 years. I don't drink alcohol or sugary drinks. I work out a minimum of 4 days per week but sometimes 6 days a week AND I've had kids AND I work 40+ hours a week AND I'm still 10 pounds overweight. So I don't want to hear you whine about how lucky I am. I'm not lucky, I'm determined. I might not know what it feels like to be 30,40,50 pounds overweight....but I DO know exactly what it feels like to work my a$$ off for years and years and still not have the body I want."

of course....I don't actually say any of that.


I agree with the above. It drives me absolutely crazy when some coworker says something like "you are lucky you are skinny." Always said by someone that would never think about working out after working 12hrs like I manage to do. For me being healthy is a choice I make daily.

2015-09-12 5:20 PM
in reply to: themissj1981

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Subject: RE: Why does it bother me when non triathletes tell me their excuses?
I hear the "knee" one a lot. So when someone says, "I'd love to do an ironman, but I have a bum knee(s)" my response is, "there are quite a few people who have done it without any knees"
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