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2015-09-19 8:39 AM

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Subject: Expectations for kids in school

I have 2 children, son in 4th grade, daughter in 2nd. My son is a mostly straight A student but he works hard to do it. If he gets a bad grade is because he has not done the work, maybe slacked off a little. He can go from a D on a math facts test to a 100 just by making sure he practices every day. My daughter works harder and is bringing home B's and C's. Don't get me wrong, this kid is sharp, smart, bright, very active mind. So active that she can't make it stop to focus on her tests. She is not hyper but likely ADD - attention deficit a bit. We've done a lot to help her already. I homeschooled last year, diet changes which resulted in lots of improvements across the board for her from academics to potty accidents to emotional mood swings. She has also just started a prescription fish oil pill which is considered a "medical food". She has not been taking it long enough to see a change and is on a very low dose just in case it does not agree with her. After all of that, she is flighty and distracted. She is bringing home lots of B's and C's on tests when I know she knows these answers and is just making silly mistakes. Not reading her papers carefully, working ahead, thinking about how to dress up the dog for Halloween instead of what is on the paper .

She is creative, project oriented, loves reading, love books, needs to see the whole picture, a right brained learner. I design and plan her practice at home to fit her learning style but there is only so much that can be done in public school to fit her needs.

My question I guess is maybe I just need to lower my expectations? Maybe she is just going to be a B/C student? Has anyone dealt with similar situations? I'm a fixer, can't just let it go very easily.

 



2015-09-19 9:44 AM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
I got nothing except my oldest daughter is 14 and she is very smart but just lazy. Have to constantly ask/make sure she is completing homework, trying to figure out how to get her to step up and want to do this on her own. No luck yet though.
2015-09-19 10:34 AM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
I don't have any kids and no answers for you, but perhaps a little long term perspective. I was a straight A student. It was always so easy, so I never struggled. Then I got to college, had no idea how to work hard, dropped out, and only now in my mid 30s have I finally gotten my act together with a real office job that has health benefits and such. Prior to this I had a good career in animal services, but it was frighteningly low pay, and it was rough for awhile there. I was completely ill prepared for adulthood.
One of my friends from school days was s completely average student. Worked hard but couldn't bring home the grades, even as a young girl. Now she's got the stable career, house and kids and whatnot. Not saying her life is better than mine or whatever, just that her learning how to struggle to get it done was probably a good lesson in life that I learned rather rudely as an adult. Sometimes the struggle is the lesson, you know?
2015-09-19 11:28 AM
in reply to: Atlantia

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by Atlantia I don't have any kids and no answers for you, but perhaps a little long term perspective. I was a straight A student. It was always so easy, so I never struggled. Then I got to college, had no idea how to work hard, dropped out, and only now in my mid 30s have I finally gotten my act together with a real office job that has health benefits and such. Prior to this I had a good career in animal services, but it was frighteningly low pay, and it was rough for awhile there. I was completely ill prepared for adulthood. One of my friends from school days was s completely average student. Worked hard but couldn't bring home the grades, even as a young girl. Now she's got the stable career, house and kids and whatnot. Not saying her life is better than mine or whatever, just that her learning how to struggle to get it done was probably a good lesson in life that I learned rather rudely as an adult. Sometimes the struggle is the lesson, you know?

Perfect, thanks so much for sharing that perspective.

2015-09-19 7:09 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
Not a parent but an elementary teacher (international/private school, have worked in US public schools, though). From my perspective....kids are just different. They have different personalities and learn in different ways and mature at different rates. Some have strengths and learning styles that are well-catered to by the instruction in most classrooms, some do not. When a teacher has proper training in differentiation and isn't constrained by high-stakes tests and mandated curriculum, there is a lot that can be done to address the needs of kids who may not thrive with traditional approaches. That's often less doable in public schools with all the challenges they face (not that there aren't a lot of great teachers out there doing their best). We are quick to label and try to "fix", particularly when it comes to things like ADD. In her case it sounds like that's possible; it could also be more of a maturity issue. The "filter" part of the brain just develops more slowly in some kids; maybe in others it doesn't ever develop properly and they have to learn to compensate. I guess labels can be helpful if they allow kids to get the help they need; more often I think they hurt kids by making them feel something is "wrong" with them that needs to be fixed when really they are just at one place on a big spectrum of how normal young humans think and learn.

I think what you should do is treasure your daughter for who she is, ADD or maturity issues and all. Since she isn't finding dramatic success in school just now, find projects or out of school activities where her creativity will allow her to shine. Drama maybe? Art classes? Design with the computer? Wondering about sports. I've seen some of my students' ability to focus really improve after starting martial arts, in particular. If there are also motor coordination issues (there often are with such kids, not always), maybe something simpler like running or (not simple but at least there is no ball and she's less likely to get banged up) swimming? I struggled a bit with similar issues as a kid (and sometimes as an adult LOL) and getting plenty of physical activity every day really helped (helps?) me to focus in school.

I'm guessing that a lot of her struggles are maturity-related and that she may well be one of those people who really comes into her own when she's in HS or college and finds a true purpose for her learning, maybe through volunteer work or a service trip or an independent project. Have seen this with former students and even some of my friends and myself--especially for "right-brain" type learners, it becomes much, much easier to focus on academics when one sees the really big picture and has a long-term purpose for learning content that may be less than interesting at the time. That's a lot to ask of a 7-year-old.
2015-09-19 8:56 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
"I have 2 children, son in 4th grade, daughter in 2nd. My son is a mostly straight A student but he works hard to do it. If he gets a bad grade is because he has not done the work, maybe slacked off a little. He can go from a D on a math facts test to a 100 just by making sure he practices every day. My daughter works harder and is bringing home B's and C's. Don't get me wrong, this kid is sharp, smart, bright, very active mind. So active that she can't make it stop to focus on her tests. She is not hyper but likely ADD - attention deficit a bit. We've done a lot to help her already. I homeschooled last year, diet changes which resulted in lots of improvements across the board for her from academics to potty accidents to emotional mood swings. She has also just started a prescription fish oil pill which is considered a "medical food". She has not been taking it long enough to see a change and is on a very low dose just in case it does not agree with her. After all of that, she is flighty and distracted. She is bringing home lots of B's and C's on tests when I know she knows these answers and is just making silly mistakes. Not reading her papers carefully, working ahead, thinking about how to dress up the dog for Halloween instead of what is on the paper .She is creative, project oriented, loves reading, love books, needs to see the whole picture, a right brained learner. I design and plan her practice at home to fit her learning style but there is only so much that can be done in public school to fit her needs.My question I guess is maybe I just need to lower my expectations? Maybe she is just going to be a B/C student? Has anyone dealt with similar situations? I'm a fixer, can't just let it go very easily."

Your situation sounds very similar to my kids, now college graduates. Plus, I'm a fixer as well.

My daughter, the oldest, was a very good and highly motivated student. She considered an A- a bad grade. I used to get so frustrated with my son, he didn't seem to work at the level he was capable. His reasoning for his mediocre grades was "I can't get as good as grades as my sister, so why try." Once he began college, it was completely different. He became an excellent student and has been successful in his career.

I'm not sure I lowered my expectations but my realization that he would learn and blossom in his own time, helped me greatly.


2015-09-20 6:39 AM
in reply to: skipg

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by skipg I got nothing except my oldest daughter is 14 and she is very smart but just lazy. Have to constantly ask/make sure she is completing homework, trying to figure out how to get her to step up and want to do this on her own. No luck yet though. [/QUOTI

 

I don't look forward to the teen years for sure! I am not a young parent. I will probably be wore out by that point lol. At 14 all I cared about was hanging out with my friends.

2015-09-20 7:16 AM
in reply to: Hot Runner

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by Hot Runner Not a parent but an elementary teacher (international/private school, have worked in US public schools, though). From my perspective....kids are just different. They have different personalities and learn in different ways and mature at different rates. Some have strengths and learning styles that are well-catered to by the instruction in most classrooms, some do not. When a teacher has proper training in differentiation and isn't constrained by high-stakes tests and mandated curriculum, there is a lot that can be done to address the needs of kids who may not thrive with traditional approaches. That's often less doable in public schools with all the challenges they face (not that there aren't a lot of great teachers out there doing their best). We are quick to label and try to "fix", particularly when it comes to things like ADD. In her case it sounds like that's possible; it could also be more of a maturity issue. The "filter" part of the brain just develops more slowly in some kids; maybe in others it doesn't ever develop properly and they have to learn to compensate. I guess labels can be helpful if they allow kids to get the help they need; more often I think they hurt kids by making them feel something is "wrong" with them that needs to be fixed when really they are just at one place on a big spectrum of how normal young humans think and learn. I think what you should do is treasure your daughter for who she is, ADD or maturity issues and all. Since she isn't finding dramatic success in school just now, find projects or out of school activities where her creativity will allow her to shine. Drama maybe? Art classes? Design with the computer? Wondering about sports. I've seen some of my students' ability to focus really improve after starting martial arts, in particular. If there are also motor coordination issues (there often are with such kids, not always), maybe something simpler like running or (not simple but at least there is no ball and she's less likely to get banged up) swimming? I struggled a bit with similar issues as a kid (and sometimes as an adult LOL) and getting plenty of physical activity every day really helped (helps?) me to focus in school. I'm guessing that a lot of her struggles are maturity-related and that she may well be one of those people who really comes into her own when she's in HS or college and finds a true purpose for her learning, maybe through volunteer work or a service trip or an independent project. Have seen this with former students and even some of my friends and myself--especially for "right-brain" type learners, it becomes much, much easier to focus on academics when one sees the really big picture and has a long-term purpose for learning content that may be less than interesting at the time. That's a lot to ask of a 7-year-old.

 

Her teacher is so nice. He is really trying to understand her and help her but there is only so much he can do. She would thrive with a project based curriculum, lots of reading, opportunities for hands on learning. I homeschooled her last year and made adjustments to the curriculum to provide her with those opportunities. She did really well on her "tests" and this is part of my struggle this year. I know she did not miss any questions on her science tests (for instance) and I made sure we had books on those subjects from the library, opportunities for hands on experiences with the topics, used the vocabulary from those lessons in our everyday work. Now, I don't even know what they are learning about in science until the night before a test when she brings home her science folder and has to study. Not a surprise she brings home a B on her test. A B is not bad, don't get me wrong, I just know for a fact what she is capable of because I helped her get there last year.

She does not have a label. I just used that to help describe her tendencies. It is never talked about in front of her but knowing she is ADD has helped me a lot to try to get a better understanding of how she processes and steps to help her.

Yes she has lots of opportunities for extra curricular activities including piano lessons, painting class when it comes to her school, she participated in swim team this summer and we have a pool at home so she can swim whenever she wants, she has tried dance class and gymnastics class and a one week drama camp this summer. She is the kid that thinks she wants to be on the team but once she gets into it she doesn't love it and then becomes fussy about going to practice so for now she is not participating on a team sport. She runs around with her friends in the neighborhood every evening so lots of exercise. One of her favorite things to do is craft. Our entry coat closet has no room for coats because it is full of crafts supplies for her! She loves making up songs on the piano and she is really good at it. I couldn't do it. The problem is she will spend 30 min making up songs and get up from the piano never practicing her assignments . We are trying to help her find a balance between creativity and practice.

 

I can relate to the maturity aspect. I was that way to some extent. She has made pretty dramatic progress since we started addressing her issues in Kindergarten.

Thanks for the thoughts!

2015-09-20 7:51 AM
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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
Too bad she is not a fifth grader here. She sounds like the kind of kid I would love to have in my class! We have a project-based curriculum that integrates most subjects and lots of reading both independently and in book clubs. Just astonished that a second grader would have a science test. Last year I gave a written science unit review for kids to work on in pairs, as preparation for more formal assessment in middle school, and that was a totally new experience for my class. Our unit assessments for science and social studies topics are all projects or performance tasks (i.e. design and carry out a simple experiment to answer a research question) and sometimes reflective videos and blog posts about their work.

Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring mom!

Edited by Hot Runner 2015-09-20 7:53 AM
2015-09-20 3:52 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by trigal38

Originally posted by Hot Runner Not a parent but an elementary teacher (international/private school, have worked in US public schools, though). From my perspective....kids are just different. They have different personalities and learn in different ways and mature at different rates. Some have strengths and learning styles that are well-catered to by the instruction in most classrooms, some do not. When a teacher has proper training in differentiation and isn't constrained by high-stakes tests and mandated curriculum, there is a lot that can be done to address the needs of kids who may not thrive with traditional approaches. That's often less doable in public schools with all the challenges they face (not that there aren't a lot of great teachers out there doing their best). We are quick to label and try to "fix", particularly when it comes to things like ADD. In her case it sounds like that's possible; it could also be more of a maturity issue. The "filter" part of the brain just develops more slowly in some kids; maybe in others it doesn't ever develop properly and they have to learn to compensate. I guess labels can be helpful if they allow kids to get the help they need; more often I think they hurt kids by making them feel something is "wrong" with them that needs to be fixed when really they are just at one place on a big spectrum of how normal young humans think and learn. I think what you should do is treasure your daughter for who she is, ADD or maturity issues and all. Since she isn't finding dramatic success in school just now, find projects or out of school activities where her creativity will allow her to shine. Drama maybe? Art classes? Design with the computer? Wondering about sports. I've seen some of my students' ability to focus really improve after starting martial arts, in particular. If there are also motor coordination issues (there often are with such kids, not always), maybe something simpler like running or (not simple but at least there is no ball and she's less likely to get banged up) swimming? I struggled a bit with similar issues as a kid (and sometimes as an adult LOL) and getting plenty of physical activity every day really helped (helps?) me to focus in school. I'm guessing that a lot of her struggles are maturity-related and that she may well be one of those people who really comes into her own when she's in HS or college and finds a true purpose for her learning, maybe through volunteer work or a service trip or an independent project. Have seen this with former students and even some of my friends and myself--especially for "right-brain" type learners, it becomes much, much easier to focus on academics when one sees the really big picture and has a long-term purpose for learning content that may be less than interesting at the time. That's a lot to ask of a 7-year-old.

 

Her teacher is so nice. He is really trying to understand her and help her but there is only so much he can do. She would thrive with a project based curriculum, lots of reading, opportunities for hands on learning. I homeschooled her last year and made adjustments to the curriculum to provide her with those opportunities. She did really well on her "tests" and this is part of my struggle this year. I know she did not miss any questions on her science tests (for instance) and I made sure we had books on those subjects from the library, opportunities for hands on experiences with the topics, used the vocabulary from those lessons in our everyday work. Now, I don't even know what they are learning about in science until the night before a test when she brings home her science folder and has to study. Not a surprise she brings home a B on her test. A B is not bad, don't get me wrong, I just know for a fact what she is capable of because I helped her get there last year.

She does not have a label. I just used that to help describe her tendencies. It is never talked about in front of her but knowing she is ADD has helped me a lot to try to get a better understanding of how she processes and steps to help her.

Yes she has lots of opportunities for extra curricular activities including piano lessons, painting class when it comes to her school, she participated in swim team this summer and we have a pool at home so she can swim whenever she wants, she has tried dance class and gymnastics class and a one week drama camp this summer. She is the kid that thinks she wants to be on the team but once she gets into it she doesn't love it and then becomes fussy about going to practice so for now she is not participating on a team sport. She runs around with her friends in the neighborhood every evening so lots of exercise. One of her favorite things to do is craft. Our entry coat closet has no room for coats because it is full of crafts supplies for her! She loves making up songs on the piano and she is really good at it. I couldn't do it. The problem is she will spend 30 min making up songs and get up from the piano never practicing her assignments . We are trying to help her find a balance between creativity and practice.

 

I can relate to the maturity aspect. I was that way to some extent. She has made pretty dramatic progress since we started addressing her issues in Kindergarten.

Thanks for the thoughts!

Sounds like you're doing a lot of things right for her. Awesome!

 It's hard to compare a 1-1 homeschool situation with a 25/30-1 classroom (that's what the numbers are at my son's school). I understand that you aren't complaining about it, but maybe having the same expectations out of a totally different learning environment isn't good for either of you. With her possible ADD, a classroom can be a very distracting place when she's been used to you helping her stay on task and for possibly shorter amounts of time than at school. 

I noticed that you mentioned not knowing about tests/topics beforehand. Is there a reason you can't find this out sooner? Get books from the library to support her at home? A list of vocabulary words from the teacher? Themes? You might be able to help her with a "big picture" at home with some info. When I was teaching, it was a weekly priority to send emails and homework/test notes home. Parents and teachers are partners, so we should be in the same loop.

I think, above all, as has already been mentioned, kids are all different in their learning styles and their maturity rates. She's 7...many years of school ahead to find her groove. You care. You're trying. You're ahead of the game

 

2015-09-20 4:56 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
It's getting tough, more interested in friends and music than anything else now. She once loved to hang out with daddy, not so much anymore unless she has nothing else to do. It sucks but I remember the things I was doing/thinking of doing when I was 14, it was a lot worse that what she's doing....or I hope anyway! I know I was sneaky and didn't get caught very often.


2015-09-20 6:51 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by trigal38

I have 2 children, son in 4th grade, daughter in 2nd. My son is a mostly straight A student but he works hard to do it. If he gets a bad grade is because he has not done the work, maybe slacked off a little. He can go from a D on a math facts test to a 100 just by making sure he practices every day. My daughter works harder and is bringing home B's and C's. Don't get me wrong, this kid is sharp, smart, bright, very active mind. So active that she can't make it stop to focus on her tests. She is not hyper but likely ADD - attention deficit a bit. We've done a lot to help her already. I homeschooled last year, diet changes which resulted in lots of improvements across the board for her from academics to potty accidents to emotional mood swings. She has also just started a prescription fish oil pill which is considered a "medical food". She has not been taking it long enough to see a change and is on a very low dose just in case it does not agree with her. After all of that, she is flighty and distracted. She is bringing home lots of B's and C's on tests when I know she knows these answers and is just making silly mistakes. Not reading her papers carefully, working ahead, thinking about how to dress up the dog for Halloween instead of what is on the paper .

She is creative, project oriented, loves reading, love books, needs to see the whole picture, a right brained learner. I design and plan her practice at home to fit her learning style but there is only so much that can be done in public school to fit her needs.

My question I guess is maybe I just need to lower my expectations? Maybe she is just going to be a B/C student? Has anyone dealt with similar situations? I'm a fixer, can't just let it go very easily.

 

 

Your daughter is still very young! Some kids don't blossom until high school or college, till they are truly invested and interested.

I'm a teacher that works with a lot of resource students. We've had students that can perform well with accommodations like extended time, multiplication charts, reduced homework.  Then we have students that are just naturally low.  When they get tested (for learning disabilities), they test lower and then we know what kind of bar we are working towards.  I try to work on rewarding effort and building the whole child in those cases, and offering assessments that may reflect their strengths, like a video they produce or an art project.  Super important for them to see progress at their level, and not to compare themselves to other students that are progressing more quickly.  Even students classified with MR will make progress, but just on a much longer slope.  She will learn, will make progress, just maybe less quickly than her classmates.  I"m going to guess though she has lots of other skills such as oral (good speaker, will talk to adults), or artistic or musical.  Work on building those and have her learn the resources to use to make her successful.  For two of my 7th graders, they could not remember multiplication facts. I had them use a fact chart, and they got very quick at using it.  For division, I let them use calculators for the multiplication part of it, but they had to do all the subtraction and the process on their own.

Lots of possibilities out there!  start a discussion with your teachers.  She may be able to get a 504 or an IEP that will give her the tools to learn to be successful.  Or, she may just get some support that may push her to invest more during class, and thats all she may need!

2015-09-20 6:52 PM
in reply to: turtlegirl

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

PS Quizlet is an amazing website for studying!!  You enter the information and it makes flashcards, tests, etc.

2015-09-21 1:44 PM
in reply to: LJonesCPA

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Originally posted by LJonesCPA

My daughter, the oldest, was a very good and highly motivated student. She considered an A- a bad grade. I used to get so frustrated with my son, he didn't seem to work at the level he was capable. His reasoning for his mediocre grades was "I can't get as good as grades as my sister, so why try." Once he began college, it was completely different. He became an excellent student and has been successful in his career. I'm not sure I lowered my expectations but my realization that he would learn and blossom in his own time, helped me greatly.

Wondering if there is any merit to the oldest child/youngest child thing. As the younger to an extremely gifted older sister, I often felt this way in school. I won't say I gave up, but it took some flat out bribes from my parents to get me to maintain As and Bs. 

2015-09-23 8:12 AM
in reply to: lisac957

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

I have three boys (16, 14 and 6). My 16 yr old is just as you described earlier. He is driven focused, makes good grades, responsible and nothing I have to worry about. My 14 yr old is the other end of the spectrum. I do not think he has a hurry up button! He seems to have trouble focusing on schoolwork and getting it done, he is more social I guess is the right way to say it.

We have always had a hard time figuring out a way to get him to take his schoolwork seriously, up until high school. It seems to have clicked a little bit more this year, but we still stay on top of him. Everyday, we sit and go through backpacks, browse grades on internet and talk about what is coming up this week. I know he hates it, but until he is carrying the load on his own, I am here to help. He also seems to do better in school when he is busier, either with band or church activities, so he knows his time is limited. We also stick to a strict schedule regarding videogame time.

I try very hard to never directly compare my "bigs" to each other cause it is so clear to me that they each have different talents, but it is hard at times to understand how two kids who are raised with the same parents in the same home with the same rules end up so different, but that's what makes them great!

2015-09-23 11:03 AM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

You have gotten some really helpful answers here.  My children are close to your age, not your children's, so my advice may be a bit old and stale.  My children were in school in a "national lab" town.  Parents were very well-educated and their expectations for their children, in general, were very high.  High expectations were in the ethos of the school system, too.  At the time my children were in school, the town had the highest number of PhD's per capita in the country and the high school was ranked in the top 50 in the country.  It was one of very few public schools on the list.  The pressure on the kids was enormous to live up to the standards of the school and community.    

We recognized the potential harm from the pressure, and very consciously, in our house, we decided that expectations should be on the effort not the results.  They had to do their homework, practice the piano, go to dance, etc.  The results would then take care of themselves.  Interestingly, the distinction on effort versus results that we made as parents was lost on our daughters. Now as adults, they would say that they saw us as having exceedingly high expectations on results and that the pressure was too high.  They look back on their high school years, in particular, as extremely difficult.  In their view, we could have done better.  As parents now themselves they are just now beginning to understand the difficulties of parenting and the feeling of not knowing the right thing to do every time.

Let me just say this.  You are not the only one applying expectations.  You can only do so much.  Every child is different and they do not come with an instruction manual.  You are going to have to wing it most of the time.  Depending on the child, the teacher, and the school, you may have to push them or you may have to mediate the expectations down a bit.  The most important thing for your children to know is that they have your unconditional love and approval.

TW



2015-09-24 12:45 PM
in reply to: trigal38

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Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school
I have an 11-year old who's starting middle school this year. We're only in week 3 (NYC schools start later than almost everyone) but so far he's managing the additional independancefairly well. The burden of making sure he knows what his assignments are and how to complete them falls much more squarely on him than it did in 5th grade and it's certainly an adjustment.

He's kind of a competitive kid who wants to do well. He says that he wants to go to a good school and compete in college in his sport. What I've said to him is that "my job as a parent is to help you to acheive your goals. I'm not going to tell you what your goals are-- that's for you to decide-- but if you tell me 'I want to do XYZ', I see it as my responsibility as a parent to help to hold you accountable to that goal." That doesn't mean doing his homework for him, but it does mean that, if he says he wants to get all A's, that I make sure he knows what it will take to do that, and that means staying on top of him to make sure that he's keeping the promise to himself.

Honestly, if I felt that he genuinely couldn't manage to get A's even if he did his best, or without stressing him out and browbeating him, I would probably be ok with lowered expectations, but so far, he's shown the ability to handle whatever he's been given.

I admit it-- my wife and I put a fair amount of pressure on him to do well. But it's really more of a "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing your best" pressure, rather than trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

If he told me tomorrow that he didn't want to play his sport anymore, I'd be fine with it. But, as long as he says he wants to do it, and expects us to buy his equipment and pay for his lessons, I expect him to listen to his coach and make an effort to make progress and improve. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation. I've told him that if he ever decided that he only wanted to do it for fun, and not competitively, that would be fine with me, but that he'd have to understand that we wouldn't buy him new equipment every season or travel to out of state tournaments as often.

I dunno, though. Parenting is hard, isn't it? Sometimes I feel like we're all just winging it...
2015-09-24 8:40 PM
in reply to: jmk-brooklyn

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Bronze member
Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Thanks for all the really wonderful replies. It is nice to have somewhere to talk it out. Yes, parenting is the hardest job ever!

2015-10-11 7:30 AM
in reply to: trigal38

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Edmonton, Alberta
Subject: RE: Expectations for kids in school

Every child is different. My suggestion - go back to school yourself, show them how to work hard, study, struggle, and get great grades. The blessing from my post grad work was the fact my son SAW me work very hard. Both children are killing school as a result. If you want children to do something don't tell them, model it for them. Just my 25 cents. I never expected my studies to have that big of an impact on them!
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