extra heavy long distance driver needs advice on wheels

Let's address these issues one by one...

Wheels. Get a pair of handbuilt wheels... factory built wheels are not going to hold up. Something like a Mavic Open Pro rim, 36 spokes 2x front and rear laced with high quality spokes (DT Swiss or Sapim) to an Ultegra or Dura-Ace hub.

Tires, you shouldn't wear out tires that fast... nor should you get flats that often. Get a pair of 25mm Continental Gatorskin tires (unless the 28mm fits your bike, then go for those) for all the daily riding and a pair of 25mm Continental GP4000S II for the races.

Tubes, don't use latex tubes, get a high quality tube from one of the major brands. Continental Race tubes work well.

Finally, keep the tire pressure correct for the road conditions, your weight and tire size. The wider the tire and the lower the pressure, the heavier the rider, the higher the pressure. Over inflating with definitely cause flats, so will under inflating. Both will cause undue tire wear.

Thank you For this BIG amount of great information.

I'd recommend a Mavic A719 rim. with 40 holes, spokes laced 3 crossed. This is a "bombproof" touring rim with reinforced eyelets. The difference between lacing 2 and 3 crossed is the radial stress on the hub is greater when laced 2 crossed; therefore, the hub is at greater risk of cracking..