Good old fashion juvenile humor

Farting just goes along with yoga. It's all about the relaxation. I think there's a episode like that actually.

I was taking a body pump class at the gym a few years ago with a friend. We work together, and had gone to lunch earlier that day--I had a fried bologna sandwich (really). So at the class, the group was in a big circle and everyone was bent over doing a hamstring stretch. Julie was standing beside me, and as I was stretching I whispered to her "here comes the bologna." She laughed and laughed, and then I was laughing uncontrollably, and then we got kicked out.

Good times.

The smelliest farts of my life were in 8th grade.  Had a teacher threaten to put me in the hall if the problem wasn't solved.  I sat against one wall and a Ninja Fart would EASILY linger to the other envelop the room.  We started eliminating foods till we found out it was the Generic brand Tostito's with that think layer of powdered cheese.  sniff sniff.

Todays run was an hour of wasted farts as I was running alone and I was popping them out about every two minutes.  The funny ones are when you pop one out with each stride for about 10 strides or so.

Actually sitting at my desk at work crying!! Hysterical!

Sophmore year of college, we are all severely hung over laying in the student lounge with our own blankets and pillows watching football.  I have the couch by the window with the fan blowing IN towards the lounge because it was so hot.  Well, I had MeisterBrau hangover gas and was killing the room for hours! This was when ESPN introduced the Sunday night game too!!  There wasn't a woman within 100 feet of the lounge, only reason why the guys stayed was A)only big TV around, 2) they were partially jealous it wasn't them killing the room.

Ding ding ding ding - We have a Winner!

OMG!  Serious LOL / LMAO!!

ADENDUM:  After reading the story about college.  There were many a time when I would be the dorm room, window open, door open, let one fly and hear about it from the neighbors a couple of doors down.  Usually sounded about like, "DAMN TY!!!!" followed by their door slamming shut.

On many a time if my wife were able to jump from a moving car she would have.

One night in the living room I was working on the fitness ball and the wife was behind me on the reliner doing cross stitch.  I was sitting on the ball and leaning forward.  BRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....the REVERB off the ball was histerical.

I have YET to build up the courage to subject her to a 'dutch oven' for fear of having my testicles removed.  Perhaps I'll wait till we are done having kids and my testicles will be for ornamental purposes only. 

Oh yeah, and she still loves me.  Of course at 5'1" she can 12 beer rocket launcher belch...and that's without the beer.

I keep telling her we compliment each other.  She's mastered one end and I've mastered the other. 

Since were telling stories I guess I have to go with mine. 

#1 Smelliest-  It was back in the good old high school days hen I would eat pickled eggs as part of my regular diet.  Throu-out the day I had let a few go and I knew they were bad.  By the end of the day I had been holding 'em in and letting them stew, so to speak, for a few hours.  I was only a sophmore in school at the time and had a study hall with 10th-12th graders.  I was sitting pretty much dead center of the room and finally I just couldn't take the gut cramps anymore.  I knew I couldn't push hard because the sound would be enormous, so much like squeezing the end of a baloon to slowly seep the air, I started the off gas procedure.  People around me started to twitch and gag before the pushing was even half way over.  I literally had 30 high schoolers standing in the hall outside of the room gagging and looking for the culprit.  What gave me away?  Acouple things actually.  First of all my baseball coach was the study hall teacher and he suspected almost immediately, he had witnessed my work in baseball dug-outs previously.  I think the biggest tell though was that I was the only one not having convulsions.  I must say that as a sophmore that earned me some pretty good street cred amongst the upper classman.

Loudest and Longest- This was another beuty.  I was in college and went down to hang out with my brother and his brand spankin new girlfried for a night.  I ended up sleeping somewhere else and stumbled into his dorm room early the next morning.  His bed was lofted and we were talking.  I was standing on the floor, him up in bed.  Finally I felt something major move and knew it was time to push.  You ever see those old fashion curtains at movie theatres?  Well it was like one of those being torn.  This fart blasted so loud and for at least a full minutes.  When I was done my shorts were almost too loose to stay on anymore.  My brother just looks at me with this funny mixture of awe and horror on his face.  From behind him I hear this terrofied "Oh my God!" Unknown to me said girlfriend from earlier was sharing his lofted bed with him.  After about 20 seconds of dead silence introductions were made once again.

The sad thing about all this is how well I remember these events but I have a hell of a time remembering where I put my keys tonight.

OMG!! LOL LOL LOL

On TUESDAY I was sitting in the cockpit and some woman in 3A farted. We were still boarding and doing preflight stuff so the cockpit door was wide open still. It wafted up INTO the cockpit and stayed there. Between us two pilots, neither one of us owned up to it and we kept blaming it on each other.

Laughter ensued, choice words describing the STANK were loudly expressed, MORE LAUGHTER, the kind that makes me cry (or maybe because the fart was so smelly!!) I felt like the fart was wrestling me down, pinning me down into my seat, chocking me and we had to open the cockpit emergency escapes windows to get fresh air. Total Drama.

It was horrible! The smellier it got, the more juvenile we got about it. I finally broke down and demanded we do a shoe check to see who stepped in the dog crap....of course the request was made in between hysterical laughing and choking. VERY LOUD HYSTERICS.

Later during the flight, our flight attendant was the one who realized who (the lady in 3A) was farting, because she kept farting. Evidently this passenger was not impressed with how I handled her nastiness INVADING my personal space, and she asked my flight attendant for my name.

Had she listened to the PA the flt attendant makes before we take off, she wouldn't have had to ask. She was probably too preoccupied trying not to fart more.

I'll be hearing it from headquarters, I'm sure, but I don't care. Lord help me if I get called in for that among the airlines' other REAL problems.

I laugh at every fart I ever hear or smell. I can't help it. It's just that my farts never smell.

YOU JUST DON'T DEAL OUT NASTY SMELLY FARTS IN A VESSEL. ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CLOSED! Or expect me to break down into hysterics and plead for fresh air.

Way way way way too funny!!!  Laughing and crying here at home. 

Thanks for the stories and laughs.  I'm sure I have some but I couldn't come close to the eloquent stylings above!

Cheers to all the F Bombers!

I must say, that I don't find fart humor at all funny.  Just my opinion, but when I was in jr. high...I had algebra right after lunch, this girl, jennifer sat in the back, next to me.  The teacher was going around the class asking for answers to the homework questions from the night before, "Jennifer, what's the answer to #5"  Jennifer got a funny look on her face and then farted really loud.  Now that in itself was funny, but her reaction was classic, she started laughing so hard that she fell out of her chair...the whole class was in hysterics, including mrs. wong, the teacher.  If it was me, I would have been mortified, but jennifer, just thought it was funny. 

giggle. I love fart jokes. So harmless.. (unless you are in a cockpit.... heh heh)

There is a woman on one of the local Roller Derby teams (yes, we have 4) whose name is Dutch Oven.  I think that is so hilarious, she is my favorite Roller. I love to scream Go Ducth Oven, go get her! 

once in the car I farted long and loudly that my husband, who was driving, had to stop and figure out who was honking at him.  The kids doubled over in the back laughing. 

Hilarious,.... you're on fart probation.

Oh and this?

yeah, neither do mine

On Tuesday our two year old son farted SO HARD that it SCARED HIM and he went running to momma.

THAT WAS FUNNY!!!!

One time, my ex was lying in bed with the covers up around her neck when I walked into the room and appeared to be trying to hold back a giggle.  I slid under the sheets and leaned in to kiss her when I had to stop.  *sniff, sniff*  I looked at her strangely and said 'Did you just fart?'.  At that point, she started laughing and crying saying that she farted, tried to kick it out the side, but didn't realize that the side was tucked in and wafted it back up in her face.

The only person I know who was capable of giving HERSELF a Dutch Oven. 

If my friend were here, he would most assuredly tell the tell of the Gondola at Killington.  Major hangover gas, so bad we could actually smell it on the mountain, like we were skiing through a ring of fire.

Well, we get to the gondola and just as the door shuts, he tears his pants so hard I thought he was in need of being stitched up.  The gondolas at Killington don't have windows that open, all they have are 4 little air holes about the size of a quarter in the ceiling.  When we got to the top of the mountain, there were 3 guys standing on the seats with our faces pinned to the ceilings sucking on these quarter sized air holes and there was one guy on the floor of the gondola laughing so hard he actually crapped himself!!