Giving Money to Homeless (Page 3)

Hmmm I thought I posted this yesterday but don't see my post. I'll try again.

(Yesterday) I counted 69 pretty blouses in my closet. Those are just the spring/summer wardrobe. I counted 40 shirts in my running/tri/biking drawer. I own 2 pairs of skis, 2 bikes, set of golf clubs, gear galore, I am very well (too well) fed. I have more than I could ever need. I live a modest life, but I feel my cup is running over. I don't want for things, so what good is my money if I can't spread a little kindness? It's a pebble in the pond.

A couple of months ago, I was driving home late at night through downtown Tampa. There on the steps of Sacred Hearts Church were lying about 10 people. They were completely covered with blankets. For that night, it was their best option. And I was going home to my cozy bed with new linens in my warm and safe home.

I have so much and it's such a little thing to give a few bucks. So I do. I don't care if they buy booze - whatever gets them through the night.

And Mike, WELL SAID!

Interesting...I think you may have a skewed view of the homeless.  Of course there are those that are homeless because of their own vices.  But there are also a vast many that are homeless because of circumstances beyond their control.

For instance,  the mother and child that are homeless because they have fled from an abusive spouse.  Think about it, if she flees to protect her life and her childrens lives, has no other family support, and needs first, last, and security deposit before she gets into an apartment, not to mention deposits for phone and electricity, where is this money going to come from?

Too often we view the homeless as those that have put themselves there because of their own short comings.  Admittedly there are a great many of those people.  But there are also a great many of the homeless that are there because of tragic circumstances.

Not to mention the notion of donating to "prevention" efforts is one of those idiological statements without any real impact behind it.  What prevention issues:  poverty, drug abuse, addiction counseling, domestic violence, under employment, unemployment, the lack of affordable housing, poor education, poor infra structure, low minimum wages, crime, predatory lending policies, illegal imigration, ..ect..

Phone/address and mental health and addiction and disability aren't the only barriers to employment.  There are also criminal records in some cases.  McDonald's and such will not hire an ex-con.  The best I've known those guys to do is find a small contractor type who is willing to give them a break and hire them for unskilled labor.  Which is fine for anyone without a physical disability, but not always easy to find.

If I give money, it is usually to women.  Sometimes to men who look sober.  

 I have worked/volunteered with homeless off and on since I was 17 - know plenty of people and plenty of stories.  Sometimes just talking to people and humanizing them is the most important thing.  If I don't have change or food, I offer prayers.  Some of the guys are hustlers, sure.  But the vast majority of the women are mentally ill.

 On a tangent, knowing a large percentage of the Oakland & Berkeley homeless when I was in college did come in handy sometimes, when I was traveling around by bus to sketchy neighborhoods in particular.  It seemed there was always someone who knew me by name looking out for me. 

Right...transitional housing..... right... where I live there are exactly 30 beds for "transitional housing" in the entire county.  All of these beds are for battered woman and their children.  There isn't a single bed (to my knowledge) for transitional housing if you're a man. 

I don't do anything with any sort of regularity, but I thought I would share a story.

I was in Toronto last year to see a Rock game and it was "Ladies Night".  I had no idea about this prior to the event and really didn't care.  The promotional perk of Ladies Night was that as you left the game each female was given a large bag of M&M's.  In the confusion of the crowd I got missed and didn't get my candies.  I mentioned this to my bf and he turned around and asked the door person for a bag.  She explained it was ladies night blah blah blah and that I would have to come to the door and get it.. so I did.  (Seems like a lot of trouble for some chocolates)  Anyway, after I get my candies and we are walking back to the car I noticed a homless man.  He was pretty hard not to notice as he was sitting right in the middle of the court yard literally just outside the stadium.  People are milling about, trying to get to their vehicles, pushing and shoving.. all eating these free yummy M&M's.  As we walk past, he asked us for money.  I told him I didn't have any but if he likes M&M's he can have mine.  He seemed taken aback that someone was actually speaking to him, so he nodded and I handed them over.  I didn't really give it much thought.  Its not the healthiest snack, but its not money to buy drugs or booze.  Not to mention how horrible it must have been for him to be sitting there while hundreds of people walked passed him with their free candies that they got after watching a sporting event.  Just didn't sit well with me.     

In Atlanta, the church where I attend has a clothing ministry and half-way house for men (actually several churches do this).  A lot of the clothes they receive are men's suits, and there is an effort to make the men look presentable so they can get jobs, see their families,  and look respectable as they try to re-establish themselves in society.  So, it is common to see a homeless guy in a pretty nice suit.  Some of these guys are clearly less than half-way there and may be moving in the wrong direction.  Over the last few years, I bet I have gotten panhandled on 4 or 5 occasions by guys in suits whose story was that they were preachers on their way to a conduct funeral and their car was broken down on the interstate.   They urgently needed $20 to get a cab to get to the service.  For some reason, it is always a funeral and it is always $20.  I caught onto the scam on the first attempt but nevertheless, I have still given more than one of the guys the $20.    The first guy was just so good.   I talked to him for a minute or two to make him fill me in on all the details of the deceased, what scripture he was going to read, offered to call a wrecker for his car and a few other diversions to watch him improvise.  I never got him flustered.  He was pro.  I don't recommend my approach because it might just get you mugged.  But, I have gotten my money's worth in entertainment.

There is giving and there is careful giving.  I am obviously not a careful giver.  Janicewhokeepsmehumble, on the other hand, is in the business of giving money away--in big chunks to many worth causes not just homeless shelters.  She only gives to non-profit agencies and she visits and interviews staff and the aid recipients before giving support.  It is a time-consuming job.   She is always looking for the essential ingredients of good people and a good cause.  Then she puts her money in.  And she follows up to see how the money was spent.

Geezerette #2 is also a careful giver but within her rather meager means.   When she lived in DC, she walked to work in downtown DC and got lots of opportunities to help homeless people.  Her approach was to take the person into the deli, have them pick out the food they wanted and then pay for the food so they would not buy liquor.

Giving is one of the basic needs of humanity.  There people who need help and there are people who need to give help.   It is not somebody else's job.  It is our own job, our own humanity, to  do it and do it as well as we can.

TW

A few years ago PGCG and I were with the kids and decided to stop by Burger King.  (No, I do not eat fast food anymore...this was 3 years ago when i didn't give a rip about what went into my body.)  As we pulled out we passed a family on the side of the road.  2 parents, 3 kids. 

My first instict was anger because they had their three small kids on the side of a busy hwy.  Then I yelled at PGCG to pull over.  I grabbed all of the BK bags and jumped out and handed all of the food over to the family.  The mom started to cry and the dad got teary, too.  He said, thank you as the kids eagerly dove into the bags for the same things my kids did...the toy.  You could tell it wasn't easy for this guy to stand on that corner.  But his kids were hungry.

I give a good chunk of money to the local rescue mission here in Portland to help feed and shelter the homeless, most of them families that have been mentioned above and in previous posts.   The only thing separating "us" from "them" is a good job and a savings account. 

This is more a “by food” post:

When I worked in Baltimore, would occasionally walk down to Taco Bell for lunch.  One day a woman asked if would get her a taco.  I said yes and told her I'd get her a couple of hard shell tacos.  She had the nerve to ask for soft shell because she didn't LIKE hard shell taco.  Result, No tacos for her.

My dad was working downtown Rockford one day and man asks him if he can spare some money so he can get some food.  It was almost lunchtime and my dad was heading to a nearby place for soup and sandwich (about $5 for lunch) and asked the guy to join him.  He said no, and that he would really just appreciate the money.  Result, No money and No lunch for him.

*Golf Clap*

The blase categorization and commenting on 'them' in this thread is frightening.  I know I may seem to be doing alright financially but I'm potentially a bad car accident and a major hospital stay away from being homeless myself.  I don't think enough of us realize us this.  The homeless are not 'them'.  The homeless are us.  They are people just like us. 

Think they are all addicted drug and alcohol abusers?  Yeah, well so are a lot of the people I know who live in houses. 

Think the homeless are all mentally ill?  I know a lot of people who have had nervous breakdowns and are being treated for one mental disorder or another.   Some of them are customers of mine, neighbors and family members. 

Think the homeless are all lazy slobs?  We give this site a lot of credit for helping us acheive our goals through encouragement.  How much harder is life when you are constantly being kicked in the teeth and looked down upon?  Hard to say how hard it would be to bounce back when you haven't walked in their shoes. 

I'm not claiming to be Mother Theresa and I'm not a bleeding heart tree-hugging dirty hippy liberal and I don't give any more than most other people to charity.  However, compassion does not equal money given and I don't have any misgivings or frustration over how I feel about the plight of people who live on the street because I am comfortable with my compassion for their situation. 

This is hilarious!  Good for you for seeing though their BS but giving to them anyway!

~Mike

Well said !! Sometimes it is just a nice diversion from our own issues, to focus on serving someone else, and providing unconditional love.

I have had people take advantage of my (occasional) generosity, and it was a big turn off. But I later realized that I need to continue to go out on a limb and continue to help others (despite the risk of being burned again).

Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, or anything close. But it is SO great to be able to help someone and not ask for anything in return.

The tough part is when there is a need on such a huge scale. As others have already posted, when you get hit up over and over and over, you become desensitized. This happens in large cities all over, but I was most aware of it when I visited Chicago. I remember thinking that I was seeing the best and the worst that man had to offer as I wandered through the city....

Good point. In another post, someone put it bluntly like this:

"If you want to get a thread pulled, then post something that refers to a group of people like oh, say a specific race, and start railing about how "they" all believe something and "they" are all hypocritical, etc."

Just because there probably aren't a lot of homeless people on this board doesn't mean we should feel free to make sweeping generalizations. Carry on.

Hangloose,

I can see your point but I disagree.  I would like to think (I hope I never find out) that if all was taken from me today that I would get up, dust myself off and start again.  I would apply at every single place that I could, scrub toilets, pick up chewing gum, etc.  I know that I would apply for any and all programs that are available even if I didn't qualify.

I don't think someone is fine today and homeless tomorrow.  Even the abused PARENT (not just mother) that takes their kids out of an abusive relationship has options.  Shelters, friends, relatives, churches, strangers.  For me, there would be no pride issue.  It's only about what I have to do for my family.

But like I said...I hope I never find out.

Uh-huh.  And you have every right to disagree.  I hope you never find out either.  The strongest person/personality I have ever known in my life cracked and had a nervous breakdown right in front of me from the pressure of business and supporting his family.  Never in a million years would I have thought this possible.   The man was a rock.  Had he not had his family to support him who knows what would have happened. 

I had a lot of potential scenarios typed out about how it could happen but I don't even like writing them.  Having built up our company that supports our whole family from scratch I come from stock that feels as confident in our own ability to recover from anything as you do in yours, Dan.  My point is that something could happen to take that ability, or at least your confidence in that ability, away from you.  Either physical or mental.  I guess we'll have to leave it at that.