My grandmother died. Extreme sadness.

She was the matriarch of the family. She had 9 children. She raised the last 3 or 4 as a single parent, the youngest was 12ish when my grandfather died-never remarried. She didn't work up until then, it was rural Louisiana in a Catholic family. She did well, the family carried on, her children helped her and they're all successful adults, several retiring at 55. So, so sad. She was such a happy woman with a fulfilling life. 

Saying goodbye to her while she was still alive, knowing I wouldn't see her again, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even harder by her asking me if I "really had to go?" and that she hoped I taught my family how to be her nurses. (they did a great job with family sleeping by her bed 24-7, they never had a hospice nurse come full time)

I'm glad it went quick, the process was painfully hard.

First day of class. I thought Ethics would be interesting, I didn't need to take it, but I needed to be enrolled in school full-time, so it was an updated Humanities credit (since it's been almost 10 years since I've taken my core classes). 

BS prof has us doing a group project with 8 people, 3 papers and only 2 tests: a midterm that will take TWO CLASS PERIODS (wtf?!) and the final. Not happy about her right now.

Took a Whole30 free day yesterday. Well, sort of. Plan was brunch at our favorite place, they re-vamped their brunch menu & got a new chef. I ordered a shrimp omelet with cheese grits. Yum. K has had their shrimp grits at dinner the other night and I DID.NOT even try it. So, I went for the omelet. It was an omelet with herbs & onions w/shrimp OVER a cast iron of grits. OMG. Yum. I ate half the grits. 

Kurt had a seasonal quiche that I tried (just the middle) and it was amazing. We got a side of red velvet pancakes and I had about 1/2 of one. 

SOOOO...the idea was it was my cheat meal, then we'd go hiking for about 4-5hrs up the top of the mtn, then over to scout some new trails we haven't done from the top. WELL. My stomach hurt SO BAD when we left I felt like I was getting stabbed. Repeatedly. Holy horror. I spent about 20min seriously considering making myself vomit as it hurt so much. 

Finally, about 3p, I started to feel better. I had a grapefruit. Then I had spaghetti squash for dinner. I had NO desire to cheat again. A burrito sounded amazing, but I was too scared and K wouldn't let me (I don't blame him)...for many reasons.  Tried a spoonful of this amazing small-batch sorbet we got, and that was it. 

Ugh. Not really a good week. Worked kinda sucked, my grandmother is...well...so hard to type...I'd be surprised if she made it another week. Her body is doing things that tell us its in her brain as she's not responding anymore and she's in great pain. So, that's pretty awful. School starts this week, I hope I can function well enough to not bomb the semester in the first couple of weeks.

Was supposed to do the 1/2 with K this morning, but after talking with my mom, I'm in no shape to do anything. I just need to sit here and process/grieve and then pull myself together to face the day. 

At least I did my burpees. There is that. 

Need to backlog yesterday's nutrition...gotta go to work though. 

Dropping the marathon tomorrow, I had decided a couple weeks ago. Doing a half on post instead, good training run for the Feb marathons.