So, my warrantied new wheel came in. I had Bontrager RaceLite. No longer available so they sent Bontrager Race X Lite instead (better, I think? Right?). Guy at the bike shop says to them this doesn't work...wheels won't be matching, so send a front also. They did, so now I'll have a matching set of Race X Lites on my ride. Hopefully today if I can swing the time to get over there and also make it to Rocky's for the BT lunch! If I crowbar all this in I might not be able to make or spend much time at Rocky's.

For local peeps, props to James Yao at Wheel and Sprocket in Hales Corners. I gotta say, they are handling this beautifully. Assuming that's a better wheel, of course. Tell me it's a better wheel...

NYC was great, except the weather. Weather was azz. We got in Friday to a complete downpour all day. Saw Blue Man Group Friday evening, and that was AWESOME. Highly recommend that show to anyone. Family friendly, though there weren't many kids there. We all loved it. Saturday was a nice day and we rocked. Top of the Hancock, Shopping on 5th avenue, Central Park, Shopping in Times Square, Grand Central Station tour. Sunday was windy and cold. Did the Statue of Liberty, Central Park again (hoping to find a warm spot out of the wind...didn't work) and Madame Toussads (spelling?) wax museum.  Also walked the Brooklyn Bridge on Sunday from Manhattan across to Brooklyn.   Monday was a rain-out again so we caught an earlier flight home...got in about 4 instead of 9.

All in all a good trip...had fun with the kids. Times square is amazing...the huge billboards and video screens light up the entire area all night long. Total over-stimulation but in a cool way.

Lots of bad eating has me feeling like a piece of sludge. Looking forward to getting back into some exercise and decent eating.

United Nations Pledges $1.2 Billion In Indigestion Relief For U.S.

Gas-Bloated Americans Desperately Await Massive Antacid Airlift

In what has been called the largest gastrointestinal rescue effort in history, the United Nations allocated $1.2 billion in antacid relief yesterday for the indigestion-wracked nation of America.

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Operation Soothe and Coat

"There is great suffering in America, where every day people face the terrible pain of stomach upset, heartburn, and problem gas," a statement released by the General Assembly read. "Most members of the global community, who do not have to live with the constant threat of massive overeating as Americans do, cannot even imagine what it is like. We can turn a blind eye no longer."

Dubbed "Operation Soothe and Coat," the massive C-130 airlift is expected to provide millions of American indigestion sufferers with cartons of precious, life-giving antacids by week's end. Much of the $1.2 billion will also go toward emergency helicopter and truck mobilization, distributing alkalides to a network of temporary stomach trouble "crisis centers" set up across the American countryside.

"Help is on the way," said Colonel Obiabwe Buna*!dab, wing commander of the Kenyan delegation to the international airlift operation. He said that although he had never been to America, he had seen much U.S. television and understood how much pain indigestion was causing the nation. "All men are brothers," Buna*!dab added.

U.N. officials say the decision is a response to a recent study ranking the U.S. first in bloating and excess gas build-up, and fourth and second, respectively, in lower abdominal pain and diarrhea.

"Statistics show many Americans 'pay for it later' after a hot, spicy meal. It is shameful that in this day and age the Americans must go without the gas-absorbing medications they need," one volunteer remarked. "We just want to do whatever we can to help them get better—one fizzy little pellet at a time."

The organizational tasks facing the U.N. relief task force are daunting. Workers from every corner of the globe have been called in for special duty, mobilizing the relief effort and distributing the antacids as efficiently as possible.

"The key here is speed," said Chile's Salvador Aguilera, co-chair of the operation. "These people don't just need relief, they need quick relief. They need relief with a capital 'R.' They need to ease the pain caused by heartburn and stomach upset immediately. Otherwise, they may have trouble sleeping. This can lead to additional problems, particularly if they have a big presentation at the office the next day."

According to experts, it is not known how many people in America suffer from indigestion, partly because the number of unreported cases far outweighs the number that receive medical care.

"The actual number of Americans with digestion-related discomfort—particularly among the millions whose dietary staples include donuts, canned meat products and microwaveables—is staggering, probably higher than in all other industrialized nations combined," said Mtume Mofeisi, president of AfriCares, a Rwanda-based organization dedicated to helping the overfed throughout the First World.

"Thank God for the U.N.," said indigestion sufferer Bob Halloran, of Des Moines, IA. "I was terrified that no one would hear my cries. But at last, the pain is gone. Now I have no need to fear that my illness may result in decreased productivity at work."

Halloran received a case of Mylanta Extra-Strength through Operation Soothe and Coat. "My doctor said Mylanta," he added.

Despite the success of the relief effort thus far, U.N. task force workers stress that indigestion is only one of many problems facing America.

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving

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SAN FRANCISCO—Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion's share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor.

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The Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., and Adam Clayton.

"Yeah, that Africa stuff is Bono's thing," The Edge said. "I don't mind if he pursues other interests, but I really try to focus on the guitar riffs that give U2 its characteristic sound."

Bassist Adam Clayton, while "not opposed" to Bono's tireless efforts to improve the quality of life for impoverished Third World citizens, is apparently too busy to spearhead an anti-poverty initiative of his own.

"I was happy to help out with the Live 8 thing," said Clayton, referring to the July mega-concert benefit. "But ever since I discovered rock 'n' roll in the mid-'70s, music has been my passion, and I'd be lying if I said it was something different, like helping people."

Clayton added: "I don't have a problem with [Bono] trying to save Africa. Who knows, it might inspire some decent songs. But just as long as it doesn't interfere with the band."

In 2002, Bono started an organization called Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa to raise awareness of the deep health and economic crises that cripple much of the continent. His fellow bandmates, however, do not lose any sleep over the debt crisis facing many African nations.

"If I could wave a magic wand and cure Africa's problems, I would do that," drummer Larry Mullen Jr. said. "But someone has to take care of the more practical, day-to-day stuff that Bono doesn't really bother with. Like, for example, how's the next album going to sound? How're we going to keep our live act fresh? I can't tell you how many millions of decisions go into making one Elevation tour."

Mullen added: "You don't win 14 Grammys feeding Africans."

In the rare moment they have free, Clayton, Mullen, and The Edge said they choose to relax and rejuvenate, without letting the plight of Africa's starving and disease-afflicted millions weigh too heavily on their minds.

"I have a garden to tend to when we're not on the road," The Edge said. "There's nothing wrong with taking care of your own little corner of the world. I work very hard in my garden."

When asked their opinion about Bono's prospects of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize within the next year, the music-playing part of U2 could not stifle their groans.

"We had a big scare last year when [Bono's] name was put forward as the new president of the World Bank," Clayton said. "I mean, I have nothing against it, but it would just be more work for us, because we'd be left with the very challenging task of finding a new lead singer."

During live concerts, U2 audiences are treated to a stunning audiovisual experience, with Bono periodically giving his opinion on social and world events between songs. During these interludes, the rest of U2 is often conspicuously silent.