So... I haven't said anything in terms of what's been going on around these parts lately. Aside from the whole swim/bike/run deal, and the whole getting married/moving deal, we were graced with the rather unexpected gift of a baby Parker. In other words, I turned up pregnant, Chris was going to be a babydaddy, I was going to be a pregnant bride, and I would not be partaking in any of the open bar at my own wedding reception. I'd have to dance sober!

We were absolutely stunned. In an absolutely great way. Unexpected, yes! But welcome? You bet. I'm 41 years old and I've never been pregnant before. I've never so much as purchased an e.p.t test, and here I was peeing on 3 consecutive sticks and getting 3 consecutive positives. We were thrilled. 

We fully understood that there's risk involved, especially in an early pregnancy. Many of them don't "stick". For reasons beyond the Mother's control and certainly for reasons beyond the Father's control. Sometimes the fertilized egg doesn't implant correctly, or there's a chromosomal mix up, or any number of things... so it's wise to stay guarded, and not let your mind wander, and not let your emotions venture too far into "anticipatory excitement"... even though you want to... you really really want to.

But I did. I let my mind drift off into the land of baby names and maternity tops. We changed up our moving plan so that we wouldn't be moving residences with a 2 month old infant, during my maternity leave. I ordered a new wedding dress because my dream dress wasn't going to fit a 5 month pregnant belly at our reception. I kept up a moderate exercise program of walking and non impact activities. I cut out caffeine (RedBull!), sushi, alcohol, unpasteurized cheeses, and most shellfish. I was planning for our baby. I fantasized about little fingers and toes and whether or not he/she'd have Chris' perfect nose. My boobs grew a good cup size, and I was only a little over 6 weeks into this deal! Life was good. Amazing. Unbelievable. 

And then on Friday, January 13 at about 3:30 PM the cramping started. There had already been some spotting, but without any other symptoms, the doctor was not too concerned. She told me to keep in touch and call if it happened again. When I went to the bathroom and saw flat out bleeding (not spotting) I knew things were not going well. I called the doctor again, who told me that if it became heavy, like hemorrhaging, I should go to the ER. Otherwise I should wear a pad, limit all of my activities, and keep my appointment for Monday morning. 

So we sat on the couch all day yesterday watching TV while I cramped and bled, and expelled our lentil sized "baby". (It grew from a caraway seed to an apple seed to a lentil! Next week it was going to be a blueberry.)

Going to keep my appointment tomorrow to see if I need a D & C or if everything has pretty much made its way out of my uterus. One huge positive is that we were able to conceive naturally and quickly. Without really "trying". Given my age, that's pretty awesome. 

But I'm sad. Chris is sad. I feel like we've been tricked/duped/fooled. I feel like my own uterus is giving us the finger. (Perhaps that could be the problem, if my uterus has fingers...) 

It's a strange thing...because I don't look any different on the outside, but I feel different on the inside. I feel empty... figuratively and literally.

Like any loss, this will pass, but I've got to believe it will leave a mark.

And we'll try again. 

• PUT LAUNDRY AWAY
• Vacuum the rest of the upstairs.
• Change sheets.
• Finish wedding invitations. 
• Obtain addresses for the last couple of stragglers out there. (These are mostly Chris' work people)
• Dust the upstairs. I can see a layer of dust on the shelf where the DVR is located. 
• Walk on Friday
• Do real weights Friday. My weight sessions have been half assed rush jobs. 

Having dinner tonight and seeing a movie with Agnes, my work-wife. 

11:39 AM: The commute went better than expected. I left a little later than usual and the roads were mostly clear. My driveway was plowed and everything was fine. Only saw one SUV off the road. Not too shabby.

The Thai chicken thing we had last night was deeeeeelicious. If you read the recipe reviews, there's a lot of controversy regarding people's perception of whether or not it's an authentic Thai recipe... Ummmm. No. Of course it's not. It's a freaking crock pot recipe. I don't even know if they HAVE crock pots in Thailand. This is a slow cooker chicken recipe with a Thai-ish influence. People can be real idiots sometimes. I thought it was good. And different.

Give it a go:

CROCK POT THAI CHICKEN

8:31 AM: Progress. I'm making it. 

• Get the design for the wedding invitations more than 1/2 finished -- SAVE the work this time. 
• Laundry. Wash it, dry it, fold it, DO IT! PUT LAUNDRY AWAY
• Vacuum upstairs.... partially accomplished. 
• Change sheets.
• Finish wedding invitations. 
• Obtain addresses for the last couple of stragglers out there. (These are mostly Chris' work people)
• Mail the last STD cards. 
• Go to Trader Joes for ingredients for KathyG's crock pot yumminess. 
• Prepare crock pot yumminess
• Plug it in at 1PM.
• Get more cat litter. 
• Change all the litterboxes. (Enlist Chris' help for this one... I don't want to be doing this by myself) 
• Dust the upstairs. I can see a layer of dust on the shelf where the DVR is located. 
• Swim on Friday
• Walk on Thursday & Friday
• Do real weights either Thursday or Friday. My weight sessions have been half assed rush jobs. 

10:46 AM: So... the power adapter cord that connects to my work computer has gone kaput. It no longer works. My work computer is running on battery power... and that's not going to last very long. Meeting my friend Kathy for lunch so she can give me her cord and computer. She's on medical leave and is not supposed to be working anyway. Ugh. 

Oh, and it's snowing. Hard. Blagh. 

And Orbit peed in the office again. 

We are the opposite of a commercial for the ASPCA. Adopt cats! They will fight! Pee! Poo outside of the litterbox! Kick litter all over your office, pee on your Christmas books, and maul each other while you either stand by and watch helplessly, or attempt to break up the fight and get shredded yourself. Cute cute kitties... who wants one? Who wants three?  Meow. Not. 

11:34 AM: I went to Whole Foods yesterday. Not a usual stop for me... I'm wanting to make better food choices... not just cheaper food choices...anyway, I bought the ingredients for KathyG's crock pot recipe there. The chicken is free range, not grain fed, and organic. The red pepper was fantastic, firm and organic, the onion was sweet and huge and also organic... everything just looked so fresh and so GOOD. I could have wandered around there for hours. And I *hate* grocery shopping, too! I hate it. But I love Whole Foods. It's like a carnival of organic freshness and goodness. I want to move in.

8:35 AM: And today I shall rest and accomplish tasks and chores around the household.  Allow me to compose a list. It's been a while, hasn't it? 

• Get the design for the wedding invitations more than 1/2 finished -- SAVE the work this time. 
• Laundry. Wash it, dry it, fold it, DO IT!
• Vacuum upstairs.
• Change sheets.
• Finish wedding invitations. 
• Obtain addresses for the last couple of stragglers out there. (These are mostly Chris' work people)
• Mail the last STD cards. 
• Go to Trader Joes for ingredients for KathyG's crock pot yumminess. 
• Get more cat litter. 
• Change all the litterboxes. (Enlist Chris' help for this one... I don't want to be doing this by myself) 
• Dust the upstairs. I can see a layer of dust on the shelf where the DVR is located. 
• Swim on Friday
• Walk on Thursday & Friday
• Do real weights either Thursday or Friday. My weight sessions have been half assed rush jobs. 

That list doesn't look too daunting, does it? No car related tasks, so that's nice... no "Oil Change" or "Tire rotation" or other mundane time consuming crap like that. 

In the meanwhile I will work a full time job, commute 2 hours a day, and try to keep 3 cats from mauling each other. 

Wish me luck.

11:47 AM: Look at what's in store for us in the next couple of days or so...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love snow for like the first 17 minutes after it falls. After that it becomes a nuisance and I long for summer.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND in the photo flipper... It's Wedding Wednesday! As our wedding approaches, each Wednesdsay I will feature an old photo from a different wedding! How exciting is that?

This would be my friend Sharon's wedding... the bouquet toss. You can see my friend Amy, (to my left) me, my friend Jeanne (looking very excited) and my sister,  (to the right of Jeanne) all vying for the bouquet. If I recall correctly, my sister grabbed it, and she did, in fact, get married first. How about that?

So.... I slept thru swimming...

Woke up to this. ^^^^

Will lift at lunchtime and swim (something shortish) after work @ the XSport (cess)pool. GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

4:30 PM: I just beat two people in WWF that I never beat! I have never beaten my very own dumpster, (but I did today!) and I also beat a girl from my sorority in college. Each time we had cumulative score of over 700 points. I am improving!  I'm proud of myself!

My name is Molly-Cat. I can see into your soul...