Speed Kills.

Saint Charles,IL 
Today
Sunny High 88FLow 66F
  • Temp: 68F
  • Hum: 87%
  • W: 7mph S
WEDNESDAY
Light rain shower
High 74F
Low 55F
THURSDAY
Sunny
High 76F
Low 49F
FRIDAY
Sunny
High 82F
Low 62F
SATURDAY
Partly Cloudy
High 78F
Low 61F

Wednesday - March 19

Sport #1
  • Stair Running
  • 06m

2x up to 6 at what felt a breakneck pace, but was probably just what I used to do.

Sport #2
  • Trainer Ronsky
  • 1h 00m

All arms/back. Push/Pull. I can hardly type. Ow.

9:21 AM: Thank you for all of the notes, etc. I suspect this recent backslide is a result of a perfect storm of raging hormones + tiny curled up babies.

See, I haven't had my period since January, right after I had the baby. It's been a couple months of NOTHING. Doctor said this is normal, and I could expect my cycle to regulate shortly.

I haven't seen a baby, a real live, tiny little baby, in person since I delivered Kara. Sure, I've seen them on TV and on Facebook and I've heard of them through friends, but I've not been faced with one since we lost ours.

FF to yesterday and I'm feeling ridiculously hormonal. (You women may understand this...) I was feeling like I was having an out of body experience... Like I was watching myself go whack-ass crazy on a movie screen, and not actually living the craziness.  Add to this the sweet squirming and curled up little body of a tiny baby girl and VOILA! You've got a mess.You've got me. I was unable to get the situation under control for quite some time.

My makeup was a disaster.  I cried off all of my Latisse last night right before bed. (Dammit! That stuff is expensive!)

Making a concerted effort today. This will not do.


1:56 PM: We all have our talents. While it appears I am not adept at growing babies, I AM adept at growing hair, and no less than 3 people have admired my handiwork today. So, you know, there's that.

Fro On, People!


 


 

Tuesday - March 18

1:19 PM: Just got back from lunch. I left early for lunch, and sort of in a rush, due to a visiting employee and her tiny tiny newborn baby. I was working... working... and I heard the unmistakable tiny cry of a newborn baby. Well it was either that or a full grown cat...I wasn't sure.  I got up and walked over to see what was going on, and there was a happy proud new Mama, and her tiny little baby girl. I started to approach them when I was overcome with nausea, like I'd been punched in the stomach. I fought back tears, turned around abruptly, and hightailed it back to my desk.

There was a big group of women over there... oooohing and aaaaahing over this tiny little girl... "Isn't this the tiniest little baby girl you've ever seen?"

Ahhhh. No. No it's not. *sigh*

This reaction surprised me. It still surprises me, because I'm still feeling it as I'm sitting here recounting it. I'm so sad. I'm barely keeping it together here.

Add to that the fact that Savannah Guthrie from Today just got married and announced she's 4 months pregnant... and she's so happy. She seems so carefree. She doesn't get to see pregnancy through the distorted lens of loss, I suppose. 4 months? That's when we lost Kara. 16 weeks. So many things can go wrong! I wonder if she's had her Harmony test yet?  I'm wondering if I can handle seeing her become more and more pregnant as the weeks roll by, and then enduring  all of the pregnancy special features they're going to run in the morning... especially knowing that I was supposed to be giving birth in the end of May. We were supposed to be having a baby. Maybe it's time I make a change to Good Morning America.

I'm not having a great day.

It's fine. I'm fine. Or I'm going to be fine, eventually. Just not today, I guess.


6:17 PM: My mental state has not improved. I'm not going to workout. I've no motivation to do anything. I am distractingly sad and I think I need to go home and have a nice long cry. Life is so unfair it doesn't even make sense.

I know this. I know life isn't fair. Shit happens. Yes. I get it. And you won't hear me say it again.

That baby just knocked the wind out of me.

 

  • Health data: Hours slept: 8

Monday - March 17

Sport #1
  • Stair Running
  • 03m

All the way up to 6 again! Woot!

Sport #2
  • Trainer Ronsky
  • 1h 00m

Yeeeow! Welcome back!
Cross over jumping jacks made me pee. Not a lot, but enough. Terrible. Terrible. AAAAAAACK.


Blackhawks Game last night with my Mom, for her 86th birthday. We were, for all intents and purposes, on the glass. It was awesome. Photos to follow.

Also, Ronsky starts up again today! Yay!



Oh, and BTW, today is my 10 year BT anniversary. Yes. TEN  YEARS. I've been logging my workouts, my life, my tragedies and triumphs here for TEN YEARS. Doesn't seem possible.

I've made some stellar friends here in the past 10 years. The list is long and varied. People have reached out and touched me (figuratively and literally!) in more ways than I care to enumerate. It's a nice little world we developed here and it changed my life, both in terms of general health and wellness AND in terms of social events, racing, training, dating and finally marriage. CRAZY.

Sunday - March 16

Sport
  • Jockstrapping
  • 1h 41m

For Chris and our 3 other friends @ the Cary Half Marathon. Went to miles 4 and 8 and the finish. Thank God he finished when he did. I couldn't handle any more time out there in the elements!


Today is the Cary March Madness Half Marathon.

Today it's 14 degrees outside with a windchill of NEGATIVE 4.

Probably as cold as I've ever been in my life. Frozen. Solid. AND I was sporting all of the appropriate gear! Long down coat. Wool socks. 2 hoods. A wool hat. Lobster mitts. I *almost* wished I was running... just so I could have kept myself warmer!

Clockwise from top L: Chris running, almost @ Mile 8. Girls @ the start, ready to rob a convenience store. Me and Trudy huddling like Emperor Penguins, trying to stay warm, and Chris and his friend Andrew, at the start.

BRRRRR. I had some windburn on my face after this was all said and done!

Saturday - March 15

We went out last night. (Isn't that a Kenny Chesney song?)
Chris got back into town, so he met us out at our new favorite place, Barbakoa!

It happened to be FISHBOWL FRIDAY so the girls and I shared a fishbowl while we waited for Chris.

That's me, Jody and Dara, and of course, Chris.

  • Health data: Hours slept: 8

Friday - March 14

My first favorite F word is Fruit. Or perhaps Fritter. Food? Or, maybe it's just Fuck. 

Oh God. Feline. I fear my first favorite F word could very well be Feline

Meow. 


12:09 PM: Back from the doctor. I have been cleared for all activities. Large and small. The one caveat the doctor gave me was "make sure it's legal in the state you're currently in". I think I can handle that.

He also told me my surgery was difficult. And long. (Longer than they originally planned...) the fibroids were attached by a stalk but the stalk was thick, so the surface area on the outside of the uterus that had to be cut was larger than expected. The whole procedure was bloodier than expected as well, but he was impressed with how well I've recovered. He said it's due in no small part to my health and fitness. It's a heck of a lot easier to recover from surgery if you're in decent shape to start off. Sounds like common sense but that's good to hear.

One more thing... when the doctor walked into the room, he said... "You look great!" and I said... "Every other time we've met in recent memory I've either been worried about getting pregnant, pregnant, worried about losing the baby, going through a tragedy, or preparing for surgery. This is what I look like in my day to day life."

Hah. I do look better, though. Mostly because I feel better. And I'm eating better.

  • Health data: Sick: 1 Hours slept: 8

Thursday - March 13

So, yesterday, I was talking to my Mom on the phone and she asked me how I was feeling. I paused for a moment and asked her... "Why?"

Yes. I forgot I had surgery.

So I will therefore declare myself healed. Doctor's appointment tomorrow to get the final clearance to get back at it in terms of exercise, but for all intents and purposes, I think that's it.

Here is a list of some other things I've forgotten recently:

  1. Chris' half marathon this weekend.
  2. Dinner with my friend Trudy.
  3. My blood pressure medication.
  4. My lunch.
  5. The book I borrowed from a friend at work.
  6. My work badge to get into and out of the building.

My brain is halfway engaged. I am not certain what the other half is doing, but obviously it's not remembering things. Perhaps the other half of my brain is working on "crazy dreams".

I've had several whack ass dreams lately, in addition to the close up kissing of Jared Leto. The other night  I had a dream there were no available desks for me to sit in at work, so I had to sit at the desk of this one management person. He wasn't there. He had just gotten a new computer and it was rounded and clear, and it sort of looked like those old Apple Macs.

Anyway, I was sitting at his desk with his new/old computer when he came in, and told me "it's fine if you sit at my desk, but I've got a contagious bone disease, so you have to drink this silicone powder if you want to continue to sit here." And he plopped this HP printer cartridge of "silicone powder" onto the desk and told me to open it and "drink" it. I didn't think that was a good idea, so I got up and stormed off.

There were a bunch of other work people involved in this dream in different capacities, mostly just watching this scene unfold.

Right.

  • Health data: Sick: 1 Hours slept: 8

Whizzzzz's Training Log


 March 2014 
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Volume

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Actual vs Planned

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Totals

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