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Doing it alone
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 2005-01-29 9:39 AM |
Expert  997    North Central WV |  Subject: Doing it aloneGood morning all. Since I have been coming to BT, I have seen discussions on people who train with their spouses and now we have the thread on kids. I searched the forums for those of us who are doing it alone. We might have more time on our hands, but it can be very a very lonely life at times. I remember when I first started training for tris a friend of mine who has been doing them for quite a long time told me that it was really tough to meet someone who would tolerate being second to all of the training. My experience has been that it is tough for me to find someone who fits in to my lifestyle. Who else is out there doing it alone? Malgal ps if you are over the age of 32 and are male, can I have your phone number :-) |
| 2005-01-29 9:42 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Champion 7704  Williamston, Michigan | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I pretty much train alone. I have a few friends who do tris, but we rarely train together. We TALK about training, equipment and tris etc constantly but we rarely train together. I recently found a masters swim class that makes laps a whole less boring. |
| 2005-01-29 9:50 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Champion 4902 Ottawa, Ontario | Subject: Doing it alone I always train alone. It may seem a lonely enterprise to some but the upside is that I train when I want at my own pace and am never distracted by having to speak to anyone during training. |
| 2005-01-29 9:53 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Regular 87 Toronto | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Hi Malgal - I train alone (but with lots of friends from here and encouragement from my friends). If I wanted someone to run with I could find someone. But there just isn't a lot of interest among my friends to do a tri. As for meeting someone - I am single but have not had men I have comment about my commitment to training (although I have been lazy lately) except in seriously positive ways - most are impressed that a woman is training for a tri. My alone is that sometimes I am not motivated to train without a partner - it is so much easier getting up at 5:30 if you are meeting someone at the gym.  Jen |
| 2005-01-29 9:57 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Expert 997 North Central WV | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I guess I didn't word my question really well. I don't mind training alone, although I prefer to ride with other people. I certainly prefer running and swimming alone. My question should have been - who here doesn't have a significant other or kids? Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone meet at the gym, like Jen said. Or someone to come home to after spending a couple of hours training alone. |
| 2005-01-29 10:04 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Elite 4344 | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I train alone. Occasionally, I encourage someone to start exercising and I will offer to meet them for a run or swim, but mostly I just go out by myself. There is a practical side to this. I am pretty slow so I would slow down practically anyone's workout if we tried to run or bike together. I like to just go my own pace. There is also a philosophical side to this. I don't want to depend on someone else for my motivation. If I exercise with someone and they can't go one day, I don't wanted to use that as an excuse not to go for my own workout. I haven't always been an exercise hermit. When I was younger, I ran with a group most days. So maybe, there is an age thing at work too. TW |
| 2005-01-29 11:28 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Elite 2527 Armpit of Ontario | Subject: RE: Doing it alone This is kind of a "grass is always greener" scenario. I am married with kids, all of whom are active with many interests, but none involving swim/bike/run. I do weight training with my wife at the Y when our schedules allow, but otherwise I go it alone. After long sessions at the gym or on the track or the road, it is sometimes difficult to come home and "justify" all the 'me' time spent away from the family. Don't get me wrong, they are great with supporting my goals but there is definitely a view that having no family commitments makes for easier training without having to justify all the time spent and feeling guilty. |
| 2005-01-29 11:30 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Expert 736 Longview, TX | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Malgal, I'm right there with you, no SO. My rides are usually with the bike club, and then I run and swim on my own. So often I get depressed because I don't have a boyfriend, but as you said, it is difficult to find someone who understands that triathlons are my life, they make me happy in so many ways. I am such a goal oriented person, if I don't set a goal, then what's the purpose of living...I'm always striving to accomplish something. At times, I feel like I am really straining my relationships with my friends too because none of them are into working out. They are all about the going out and partying, which is fun from time to time, but I don't want my life to center around it, at least, not anymore. I have dated a couple of cyclists, but I find that even then, I feel pulled down...they just weren't as driven as me (however, these guys were jerks and I think that the majority in the field of cycling and triathlons are determined people). I think the key is to find someone who has goals and is working towards them, not necessarily triathlons. I think a person who has a lot of passion for something of their own will be more willing to understand my passion for triathlons. However, at 25, I am finding this difficult because people my age are simply looking for the next best party. |
| 2005-01-29 12:30 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Pro 3906 St Charles, IL | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I have mixed feelings on this. It gets lonely at times, but keeping up a relationship without compromising myself is hard. I've made a concious choice about what is more important to me. I'm pragmatic enough to accept the results of my decisions. About 3 months ago, I started dating someone, after having been single for about 2 years. I wasn't really looking, as I was happy living my life the way I wanted to. Then I met Jen, and we really hit it off. Completely different lifestyles and places in life, but a lot of chemistry there. Despite having different schedules, we managed to spend a lot of time together and things were great. Things have changed this month though, as she's back in school now, moved to a new apartment about 30 minutes away, and is a lot busier now. I haven't seen her in about two weeks, other than an hour here and there. She knew upfront how much I train. She's said all along she doesn't want me to stop, and if I even suggest changing around my training schedule, she won't let me do it. I have a feeling that I'm soon to be back to being single again though. It's just kinda hard to sustain any kind of relationship if you never see eachother. : If that does happen, I have my dog and my cat, who are always happy to see me, no matter what crazy hours I keep training.  |
| 2005-01-29 12:33 PM in reply to: #109994 |
Elite 3498 Chicago | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Malgal - 2005-01-29 8:57 AMI guess I didn't word my question really well. I don't mind training alone, although I prefer to ride with other people. I certainly prefer running and swimming alone. My question should have been - who here doesn't have a significant other or kids? Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone meet at the gym, like Jen said. Or someone to come home to after spending a couple of hours training alone. Yep, the grass is definately greener on the other side.There is a huge downside to having "someone" at home. Working around their schedule, working out when you really don't want to in order to accomodate time with them, etc, etc, etc.Additionally, having a significant other or kids doesn't mean that you're meeting someone at the gym...that's for SURE. Triathlon training takes discipline (as we are all well aware) and part of the discipline is being very happy and content in a lone existance.That's just what I think though... |
| 2005-01-29 12:57 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Extreme Veteran 391 Oregon | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I almost always workout alone. There just isn't enough "crazy" people out there in my little town. It also doesn't help when one has to be creative to get workouts done during the day. They must be done when timing is good. It often doesn't coincides with others schedules. Then there is the fact that very few people workout at the same pace. I do have alot of support from my family though. My wife is pretty understanding about my working out. Randy |
| 2005-01-29 2:37 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Champion 7036 Sarasota, FL | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I most always workout alone. To be honest, I enjoy the solitude and the chance to be alone with my thoughts, particularly after a stressful day at work. My wife and I have pretty different hobbies and interests. She tolerates my workout schedule (occasional late dinners), but really doesn't take much interest in my triathlon activities. |
| 2005-01-29 2:52 PM in reply to: #109985 |
| Veteran 155 Houston, TX | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Although I am married I train alone. My wife is not interested in this type of training. I have worked out with some masters swim groups and done some group rides with the local bike club, but for 99% of my training I do it alone. I have to agree with Gina's comments about being goal oriented. I find motivation almost impossible without a goal and I am nearly obessive when I do have one. My biggest issue has been gradually increasing my training time without hurting myself. My knees don't want to handle the stress when I start pushing myself running. I have found having a goal and wanting to train has forced me to do better time management to fit everything in. My job can be particularly time consuming as I have people in Europe and Asia and the time zone differences tend to create very early mornings and very late nights. After a long day of working with many people all over the place I find some solitary training time to be quite therapeutic. I also have to say that the positive energy from this site is really quite helpful as well. When I ask questions I find just getting a response to be beneficial to my state of mind even if the answer was just a "I don't know, but hang in there" type of response. Brittain |
| 2005-01-29 3:07 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Coach 9167 Stairway to Seven | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I work out alone and don't have a significant other. In my small town, just the sight of someone else jogging is shocking! Plus most people who have moved out here (Danville) are already married ("it's a great place to raise kids!"). Sure, it gets lonely, but I can also be selfish, workout whenever & however long I want. On the other hand, if I'm lazy, there's no one here to bugger me to go and work out! Even when i have been in a relationship, I usually prefer to work out alone. |
| 2005-01-29 3:54 PM in reply to: #109985 |
New user 29 West Des Moines Iowa | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Hey malgal -- over 32 here -- ;-) I share a story of a couple I know.... he set out to do seven marathons in seven months -- and even though she was incredibly supportive -- it became very difficult to accept being "second" to the training. As an outsider to their marriage -- it was obvious she was never "second" in his heart and mind -- but was often second on his calendar. And at times she often felt alone and abandoned. They worked through it in time -- but it was harder on her being at the finish line and waiting than him on the course fighting his demons. The mental discipline and strength it takes to train this hard -- to be honest -- will intimidate the heck out of most men. Most people don't have the focus to do what you are doing -- and the few that have that kind of focus are probably focused on their own thing. The bad news is, a lot of good people end up eliminating themselves from potential relationships because they don't get it. The good news is, when you find the one or ones who get it -- you're likely to share the same kind of passion and energy about life. PS: The coolest, smartest, nicest, most awesome women I know have all expressed the same feelings you have. |
| 2005-01-29 3:54 PM in reply to: #109985 |
| Subject: RE: Doing it alone hehe I'm around your age ranges too and single. It's too bad you're all living across the country! I'd certainly prefer someone who is in great shape and enjoys some of the activities I like although she wouldn't have to be a hardcore racer since I'm not. I typically work out alone because it's more convenient. For instance, I'll bike to work. It's not so easy to find someone with a similar schedule or route. For group rides, I can go with a local club if I feel like it. I think it's tougher to find a run training partner. He or she may not be at the same level. If you don't mind running stretches by yourself or at different pace, then you can still go for runs mostly "together" and get a good workout. I lift weights at home alone, so I'm unlikely to meet anyone "at the gym". On the other hand, there's no waiting for equipment and no distractions.... except the TV. LOL If you want to get some exercise with people, hiking is pretty good. I've led group hikes, and it's fun because you get a chance to chat at some length. This isn't really going to help with tri goals... but perhaps other personal goals. :p |
| 2005-01-29 4:23 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Master 1558 Pensacola, Fl | Subject: RE: Doing it alone And I thought I was in the minority here. Doesn't look like it. Looks to be quite a few singles around BT. I have to agree with most all of you and I also train alone. With the combination of my job (Naval Officer) and my training, I haven't had much time to spend in search of a SO and I refuse to do much searching in the bar scenes anymore. Thank goodness my Tri-training keeps me out of those places anyway. I do find having "my time" allows me to train when I want, but I would have to say that I wouldn't mind having someone sharing the same interests that I do. Having a built-in training partner would be great, but I would also settle for someone to be at the races supporting me. Then again, there will be no one with me when I am out on the IM course, so maybe this solitude is not a bad thing either!!! PS...I am 36 and my number is................(PM me)! |
| 2005-01-29 6:02 PM in reply to: #110107 |
Got Wahoo? 5423 San Antonio | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I am single and have no SO. Good and bad. One of the problems I have is the training takes up a lot of time, and since it is alone, there is often not a lot of opportunity to meet others who share this kind of lifestyle or mentality or are willing to accomodate (so many people do not push themselves and find the idea abhorant). It's good because I am free to date who I want, but bad because the people I am dating are mainly from the gym or, kind of like Gina was talking about, in the partying mindset. Both have upsides, but ultimately, neither of those groups is what I am looking for long term so it's just a "loniness bandaid" and killing time - scratching the itch. I think a big problem with the tri lifestyle is that you over look other important areas, like mental well being. Triing should not be the most imporatant thing in your life. Make the time to do things where people are that you might like (I tried this for about two months at an open mic poetry night. Didn't work out so well. Dissaffected youth and married houswives - no 6ft tall leopard-like athenas) - but I know that is the right method. I think your limiting yourself if you only look in the tri community for your SO. Besides, it's not always good to have two totally focused Alphas jockeying for the same position. Ultimately, if you are really open to finding someone, it leaks through. Don't be afraid to say hello. Don't look away from the hottie. Introduce yourself. Even if you don't find a SO, you might find you like living that way. Gotto run! Good luck, and for all you leopard-like athenas on this thread call 1800 Twelshy and I will counsel you on a one-on-one basis.... |
| 2005-01-29 6:30 PM in reply to: #110124 |
Extreme Veteran 386 Fort Worth, TX | Subject: RE: Doing it alone tmwelshy - 2005-01-29 5:02 PM Good luck, and for all you leopard-like athenas on this thread call 1800 Twelshy and I will counsel you on a one-on-one basis.... Huh...I just called 1800 Twelshy, and it was a Viagra Help Line! Sorry to hear that Thomas!! Edited by vertical_listing 2005-01-29 6:44 PM |
| 2005-01-29 6:40 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Extreme Veteran 386 Fort Worth, TX | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I'm another one in the single camp. I've been here for quite awhile, and ya know what its not that bad. Yes, I'd like to find someone. Yes, it gets really lonely sometimes. Yes I can get obsessed on my lusts & crushes. BUT when it comes down to it I'm having a GREAT life!! I enjoy that I don't have to negotiate with anyone to do what I want to do. I like that I can flirt freely with whomever I come across. I know that when I've had a great workout I can log it and all of my friends will cheer for me. I know that when I've had a crap workout I can log it and all my friends buck me up. I hope that one day I will find a guy who will see how much fun I'm having, and wants to join in. I hope that guy will also be active, and challenge me to be better than I am today in everything that I do. Until then, I'm just gonna enjoy the hell out of where I am right now!! Edited by vertical_listing 2005-01-29 6:43 PM |
| 2005-01-29 6:44 PM in reply to: #110088 |
| Extreme Veteran 380 | Subject: RE: Doing it alone Danville is a great place to live! We had a house in Picture Rocks, outside Muncy, in our family since the 40's. After my Mom died, we had to sell the house because no one in had time to go up there and take care of it. But I loved that area. Really nice people, beautiful country, not so great weather coming from Florida. Can't help on the training alone thing, I'm TRYING to find time to be alone! |
| 2005-01-29 7:42 PM in reply to: #110131 |
Resident Matriarch N 43° 32.927 W 071° 24.431 | Subject: RE: Doing it alone vertical_listing - 2005-01-29 6:30 PM tmwelshy - 2005-01-29 5:02 PM Good luck, and for all you leopard-like athenas on this thread call 1800 Twelshy and I will counsel you on a one-on-one basis.... Huh...I just called 1800 Twelshy, and it was a Viagra Help Line! Sorry to hear that Thomas!! daaayum....good thing I wasn't going to call that number anyhow |
| 2005-01-29 11:44 PM in reply to: #109985 |
Extreme Veteran 573 Sherman Oaks, CA | Subject: RE: Doing it alone I'm 35 and married and while my husband isn't into triathlon - except as a spectator sport - he does run. And as I've trained for tris over the past few years, the hardest thing is working around the training and doing the things we like to do together. Walking our dog is a HUGE part of our life and super special time we all spend together in the morning and evening. We don't do the around the block thing - the dog gets 2 miles in the morning and 2 in the evening (less in crap weather ) And we like to hike whenever possible on the weekends. So it's hard for me, missing out on those times because it's good family bonding time (our dog is our kid, that's just the way it is) and at the same time, it's hard on them because they miss me. So, this year, because I am not training with Team in Training and scheduling my workouts to fit our schedules and my hubby getting more serious about a regular running schedule, our flexibility with each other has been good so far. We alternate who works out in the morning or evening, trying to ensure we get dog walks together as much as possible, going hiking after I do a morning workout on the weekend, that sort of thing. It's also hard cos neither of us has a 9-5 job (I don't know anyone in NYC that does...And there's no way we can run together cos I am just way too slow for his 7:30/mile. The best thing though is that through TNT I have found a few friends to work out with. One in particular to meet in the morning to go swimming or meet for a spin class about once a week. So, for the most part, I work out on my own and have the support of my husband to do tris. |
| 2005-01-30 12:08 AM in reply to: #109985 |
Expert 795 New Mexico | Subject: RE: Doing it alone My wife and I both do Triathlons, but we mostly train solo. She prefers mornings. I prefer evenings. She goes to the pool regularly, I go to the pool...well, enough to make sure I still remember how to swim. Our work schedules don't jive that well either. |
| 2005-01-30 4:08 AM in reply to: #110151 |
Got Wahoo? 5423 San Antonio | Subject: RE: Doing it alone TriMom217 - 2005-01-29 6:42 PM vertical_listing - 2005-01-29 6:30 PM tmwelshy - 2005-01-29 5:02 PM Good luck, and for all you leopard-like athenas on this thread call 1800 Twelshy and I will counsel you on a one-on-one basis.... Huh...I just called 1800 Twelshy, and it was a Viagra Help Line! Sorry to hear that Thomas!! daaayum....good thing I wasn't going to call that number anyhow You so want me, Ellen. |
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