A day in the life...

So... my evening starts out with a few bumps. I'm going to a wine tasting with a woman I'm not attracted to. Ok, everything doesn't have to be about sex, despite the fact that I'm single and everything is about sex.... *mmmmm chocolate milk***** Ok, so I am at work, 300 people aren't going to make goal, All of the sudden... we make goal..  Several hundred people are very damn happy.  Drinks, and food, and pool.. anything you can buy at dave and besters is on
Rackspace... Wine tasting is put off a bit.... Pool at Dave and busters... I go 11 games without loosing, and leave because my "date" is wating for me at the "wine" tasting. I leave, taste some wine - I'm told I'm crude - by my date- and I leave.
I go to the Broadway bar to meet some friends of mine - they have all gotten several thousand dollars in bonus and are very happy. I flirt with some women I AWLAYS flit with and have a great time. I am approached by coors lite, who liks the way I tell a story and would like to put me on their web site, do I have a story about shrinkage or some circumstance where I was embarased about what the cold had done to my "manhood".

Of course I tell them: "Do I have a story for you!"

They turned on the lights and interviewed me, asking for my most embarasing moment with shrinkage. What I didn;t know was I was mic'ed to the whole bar. Pretty cool.

"I did my first Triathlon. I had trained for 31 days and had no business doing a triathon. It was (picture several spot-lites and the entire bar all watching me) in March -  the water weas cold, but I didn't know how cold - 55 degrees. -  I wanted to do the race. Needed to do the race- a one time thing, just to do it, just to look a skinny person in the eye and say I did this, you are a wuss..., you got nothin' So I prepared.... I swam (at least 5 times). I ran, (at least 10 times....) I rode (more than once) And I did the race and finished it. But for the coors lite girls, all they cared about was shrinkage. Shrinkage...

When I got out of the water 49 painful minutes later (I had to breast stroke because I hyperventelated the entire time I was in the water), all I could hear was: "...and hear comes the POLAR BEAR!!!!! The POLAR BEAR!!!!! THOMAS THE POLAR BEAR WELSH!!!!! WHO NEEDS A WET SUIT!!!!! POLAR BEAR!!!!!!!!!! let's hear it for the POLAR BEAR!!!!!!! Well, I suddenly realized I was the center or attention and suddenly, vividly, I realized I was in jammers - and I didn't have that swaggar, that heft. The weight of my words was all in my sords, if you get what I'm saying. There was no shind on my gloss. No apple of her eye.... no... well, you get the point.

I got out of that cold ass'ed water and ran towards T1. Without a thought I brush my hand across my "special" place (as men are wont to do, whether playing baseball or chess or candy land....) and feel a friken "magic bean" instead of a "bean stalk..." That's right, there was no magic happening in my garden.... Rember, I just started doing this shit, and Jammers were a new and not very comfortable thing to me. People were taking pictures, for gods sake.... I twisted the Jammers, thrus my hips, contorted in a hip-thris kind of way while running,  but there jsut was no "heft" to me heft....

When I got off the bike I was nice and hot, and my package was  nice and positioned, there were no snapping picutes, no anounsers shouting with glee... I thrust and swayed, but no one cared... a day late and a dollar (rolled quarters or not) short...

This is the story I told this bar with about 200 peaple listening on... It went over well. I guess the moral of the story is to go to Coors Lite .com and vote for Welshy so that a... er... "home grown"   hero wins....