Tried to start out as slow as humanly possible. But it was cold. Still looked at my watch a lot to hold back as the pack was trying to drag me upstream. First 3 miles were uphill so I think that probably helped hold me back. I was aiming for 10:30 for the frst 6 miles - didn't quite get down to there but I think forcing myself to hold back was still good. FIrst aid station at mile 3 had no gatorade - so I skipped it. Wasn't remotely thirsty, so I ran through - next aid was at 5 miles and I drank two cups and did that throughout. Felt uptight the first 3 miles, but started to settle in. Definitely lacked confidence around my knee. I saw a woman ahead of me who had a really great midfoot strike, was doing around a 10 minute mile and seemed really confident. So I kept her in my sights. Finally ran with her a little after the aid stop at 9 miles and talked with her. She was a former marathon runner who had lost her drive and was out there to do the full (her name was Lynnea). So chatted with her a bit - and then at mile 13 she said she was going to stay with me. Mile 13 was my best mile of the race. I was on top of the world because I'd made it to the half-way mark with zero pain in my knee - taking the turn to follow the full marathon course was very exciting. It was as if that was the moment - that it was happening - I was going to complete my first marathon. I had all the confidence in the world. Then Lynnea left me. But I was still okay - it was nice to be by myself for a few minutes - but boy was it quiet. Everyone had left the course - it was like the race was over and I'd taken a wrong turn. And then at the very beginning of mile 14 - there was a hill that took a little of the wind out of my sails. But still, miles 14-17 felt okay - and I started to mentally feel good because I knew I was going to finish. Still no pain - I was still moving - and I felt good. I was getting slower and slower - but that was okay. Well then something happened around mile 18 or so. And each mile got SO much harder. I thought it couldn't be the wall - I was still moving. I even tried to push the pace a little to wake myself up. I thought once I got to St Anselm college mentally I would feel better. Nope. Then I thought, once I get to mile 20 I'll feel better. Nope. Then for some reason at mile 21 I got this second wind. You can't tell it by my pace - but I felt better through that mile. But I guess I used it all up because 22-26 were SO hard. I almost cried throughout all of mile 25. I was trying to be nice to the volunteers but I couldn't. I was spent. Even passing the mile 26 sign I thought - OMG I have another 0.2 to go - and there was no crowd, no one cheering. Then finally the finish line and I tried to step up my pace - I had zero left. So I crossed, plodding along. :)
I did the run walk religiously through the aid stop at mile 23. Then it was getting very hard for me to get started again so I didn't walk anymore after that.

I'm a little surprised, now that I look at it - how high my HR was. I spent an hour and 15 minutes in zone 4. That seemed high to me. I didn't feel like I was pushing that hard. I'm not sure I'd change my pacing at the front - I'm a little afraid that starting out that slow made it hard to get to my regular pace - almost like I was on a freight train and that was my speed so I was staying there.
I was a little bummed that so many people wore headphones. I thought they weren't allowed, so I left my iPod at home. But there were tons of people tuned out - I'd turn to say something but they were plugged in so I didn't. There weren't many of us out there on the 2nd half of the course, so it would have been nice to have a little more "company". Had I known so many wore their headphones, I might have had mine and used them on the 2nd half when I needed to dig deep.

Walked walked walked, shivered, walked and got a massage.


Confidence. Lacking confidence that my knee would hold up. Lacking confidence because I hadn't finished the training plan. I know both are stupid - but could not shake the doubts.


Well, it was my first and wow that was TOUGH. Harder than I thought physically. I think my stubbornness paid off and got me through.