WWCOJ do? Birth Control (Page 2)

Tri Take Me Away - 2011-04-04 9:51 AM

When I was a teenager, we could go to PP by ourselves. Sometimes we went with a friend. Is that no longer an option? I was lucky that my dad did take me to the GYN when I was 16 and I went on the pill for "mood control", so all was out in the open but not.

But it was not common at all for my friends to be open with their parents about these things. They went to PP on their own. One friend had an abortion on her own. Had to get to the town 45 minutes away to get it done, paid for it herself, etc. Only issue that almost blew her cover was a bill coming to the house that she luckily intercepted as she got the mail every day before her parents came home.

It's always better to have parents that want to be involved and to help guide teens through these issues, but that can't always happen. Perhaps if this girl knows she can go to PP by herself, she at least is more aware of all of her options.

I wish so desperately that we could stop her from going down the sex=love path. It's such a terrible way of going through early adulthood. To me, THAT is the worst-case scenario, as it takes years to heal from that and to learn and believe that you have value to men outside of your sex appeal.

trirific10 - 2011-04-04 1:59 PM

Personally I would talk to the girl and tell her if she is old enough to have sex she is old enough to discuss BC with her own mother..which is a conversation that NEEDS to happen no matter how bad their relationship is.

travljini - 2011-04-04 7:01 PM

^^^This is very smart.  Thanks. 

"Apparently" I say that in quotes b/c I haven't fully investigated, but at PP you need someone over 18 to go to PP???  An ob-gyn would not allow me, a non guardian to consent.  I need to investigate. 

Artemis- thanks for the tip, I'll need to look into that.  Just as one opposite example, I was given some information that Plan B was OTC if you were under 18 (In MI) so need to look into that. 

kraut_fan - 2011-04-05 3:45 PM

father of a 14 year old (really she is my niece, we adopted her).. we have a deal. soon as you even THINK your gonna have sex, tell us. we will take you to the OB and get you hooked up on the BC immediately and I promise there will not be any long lectures, that was my promise, not long lectures. I bet I even stop by and purchase condoms and go into detail about how and why. In these times I would rather be pro active in assuming its not "if" she is going to have sex, but when.. I also said that IF you are NOT a virgin when you turn 16 you WILL NOT get your license until you are 18, and if YOU ARE a virgin when you graduate high school I will purchase you a 1-2 year old car for college and college rule permitting let you stay off campus.. look, I want her to be more successful she WILL be going to college baby and disease free even if it means I bribed her. NO SHAME IN MY GAME..

My relavance to your original post, talk to her, her parents and never give up becasue if she does end up prego you will hold guilt that you didn't do more!

KSH - 2011-04-05 1:34 PM See, I would probably have a frank discussion with her... point out to her that if you take her to get pills behind her Mom's back, you will risk ruining your relationship with her. Then tell her that she needs to talk to her Mom about needing to go on the pill for X,Y,Z reasons... clears up pimples, reduces cramps, reduced periods (some pills let you have a cycle every 3 months), etc. Like Gearboy said. Because that's not a lie. I'm sure she can benefit from all those things. She's 14. She's having sex. Help her figure out how to get through to her Mom. She needs to start learning how to get things done for herself. She needs to learn how to talk to her Mom. Instead of being her voice... teach her how to have one.

jazz82482 - 2011-04-05 4:08 PM



You realize you are telling her two completely opposite things, right? I must have misread your post, because the way I interpreted it is: if you tell me you are having sex, you will not get your license or a car. Yet, you seem to be patting yourself on the back for being 'open' about sex? Did I misread something? You do realize that your bribe is actually a threat, and rather than help her make healthy decisions about sex, she will simply NOT tell you about it, and carry an even greater risk of having both baby AND disease....

Karibu - 2011-04-05 8:45 PM

 

In my book it is a lie.

gearboy - 2011-04-06 7:51 AM

If those alternate reasons are also true, how is it a lie? I know you are also concerned about the daughter maintaining a relationship with the mother - how do you think a 14 year old will tolerate telling her mother she is having sex? It is highly unlikely that a disclosure like that meets with initial approval. And asking flat out to get put on the pill is a tacit admission of the same. Looking at the other reasons to be on the pill opens the door in a more reasonable fashion, where the discussion can focus on issues like side effects, or variations of hormone-based treatments, rather than degenerating into a "you are too young to be having sex" lecture.

 

BikerGrrrl - 2011-04-05 3:55 PM

Krautfan - I am curious - how does she prove her virginity?  Like the old school examination by doctor and letter of proof of purity?  or...?

travljini - 2011-04-04 7:25 AM

GREAT posts, EVERYONE, really.

Gearboy, you're one smart dad.  I harken back to when my mom, a daughter of the '50s told me and my friends how she didn't blv anyone was a virgin anymore when they got married and if I was going to have sex to get on the pill.  I was 16.  At the time I was all "EWWWW, Mooooomm!!!"  My friends who were present, till this day, were like, "wow, you're mom was right on, mine fig'd we held hands till the altar"

I digress.

Yanti, you are so right, a treasure trove we do have here.  While I often "agree to disagree" I think most triathletes have a common thread, so I figured why not ask here!

I have been "(losing)sleeping" on it, if you will.

MalGal got it right. (No violence, although verbal abuse when dad is drunk) There is such a constellation of problems here.  This isn't just a "normal" teenager thinking, "Hmm, I'm 'thinking' of having sex and afraid to go to my otherwise good relationship mom."  This is a girl with a 1.7 GPA, currently going to Al-Anon once a week, in a peer counseling group 1x a week at school, sees her school counselor, has a teacher mentor at school. 

It's so sad, my niece blames Mom for not getting her out of the alcoholic family and still delusionally believes mom will leave, but Mom won't leave.  Who else can she blame for her miserable life.  And my brother won't leave, I mean SIL continues to give him permission to get wasted every day of his life till he kills himself

That said, I do think I have an obligation to try one more time, in a very veiled way to ask Mom if she's contacted the counselor I recommended and if she ever followed up on my suggestion to take her to an OBGYN and kind of see where it goes.

COJ rocks!

trirific10 - 2011-04-06 9:41 AM Ok this thread was somewhat pertinent to me..I was   there yesterdayand I asked...a child does NOT need parental consent to be there she could have her best friend drive her there for all they care..The only time they get parents involved is if there is  possible abuse going on or an at risk situation..for example a 12yo having sex....I still think she needs a conversation with her mom or dad though..