turning 45..need to find me!

I can understand just what you are talking about.  I am only 35 but have been though many of the same things as you. I was divorced in 98 as well.  My ex did move to Cleveland Ohio so it made visiting my kids very difficult.  I have been in a few relationships since, but just haven't found one that I am sure of being "the one."  I have yet to finish a sprint tri in less then two hours, but then I have only done two sprints and one Olympic that took over 5 hours.  LOL  I have been doing a lot of these things as soul searching since I had a mild heart attack a year ago this past June.  My job has transferred me to a new site that I am not happy about.  So I too am trying to find myself.  I have many things I would like to do and be, but can't seem to make them happen. 

I wish you the best on your search for the answers you are looking for.  I don't know for sure, but I don't believe that your ex can stop you moving as long as you are staying with in the same state.  I could have fought my ex moving from PA to OH, but didn't have the money at the time.

Nicole,

If you feel like whining ... good!  Get it off your chest here.  Some of us are good listeners and some of us can even empathize with you.  You are going through a major upheaval in your life and seem to need, if not advice, then at least a kind word.  

I think that you said it very well when you said: "my life is all there for the taking in great ways."  That it is.  You are, as you say, at the starting line and even if the the gun gun has gone off, who says you have to sprint off that starting line?  You are single at the moment because that is the best way to be for you right now.  When the time comes that you meet someone, and you will, you can think of starting a relationship.  

As for moving, better check with your lawyer although if you are merely moving 45 minutes away, I don't think that a judge will bar you from doing so.  Your reason for moving, to get the children into a better school, is a very solid reason.  

No career - no job .... bummer!  Well, at least you hired a coach!  I suppose that if you are not working, you have plenty of time to train.  Adopt a good training program and follow it faithfully, you will improve by many notches.  Do keep up with your painting and your writing; those are just as important as training .... training for the mind's eye, it is!  And do post your site for your paintings as well as your writing ... it sounds interesting.

I am sure that you are well aware of it but I will say it anyway, whatever you do, let your main focus always be your children.  Everything else, including triathlons, is only secondary.

Thank you for your kind words, support and sharing. Yes, it is and always has been my kids that always remain my top priority. I have invested alot of time, energy and love into parenting and I am rewarded deeply by them. I have joked that they are my life water wings. They are my proof that I am not crazy (as the ex used to throw at me), and that I can't possibly be the loser I feel (ie, no job, weak triathlete, can't get off that starting line, etc).

Alas...it is time for me to put some focus on me. Its not just important for me, but its important as an example and role model for my babes. In addition, we all know (in theory), if we are happy, they are happy. I've got to make some changes and some breakthroughs.

Happy Birthday again Nikki

I think you are doing a great job of finding yourself!  Just remember its not all going to happen at once.  Your Career coach will get you pointed inthe right direction for your job.  Now you need to look at the other areas.  As downunder said just take baby steps. 

Focus on the Kids, job and training and everything else will just fall into place before you even know it.  sounds simplistic but thats they way I always think.  You are definately not whining and I know you are doing alot of thinking about things at the moment.  Remember you've always got us to talk to if it becomes to much! 

*Happy Birthday hugs*