The Holiday Humor Thread

Good, bad, groaners. Lay it on. Here's mine:

A man goes to a pet shop to buy a bird for his son, for Christmas. He decides on a green-and-red parrot, perfect for the season. The shopkeeper says, "He's a great bird, talks a lot, can even sing Christmas carols!"

"Really?" says the man. "Like what?"

"Check this out," the shopkeeper replies, "If you hold a candle to his right leg, he'll sing 'Jingle Bells.' If you hold a candle to his left leg, it's 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas.' " And he demonstrates, with the bird performing beautifully.

"Great!" says the man. As he's leaving with the parrot, he asks, "Oh, by the way, does he have a name?"

"Oh yeah," the shopkeep says, "It's Chas."

The man takes the parrot home, to the great delight of his son, and shows him how to make the bird sing Christmas songs.

"But Dad," says the son, "What happens if you hold the candle between his legs?"

"I don't know," said the father, "let's try!"

So they put the lit candle between the bird's legs, whereupon it sings: "Chas's nuts roasting on an open fire!"