Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0 (Page 62)

This just seemed way too fitting to not share it here:

Woah... woah... WOAH!

There's a difference?

The difference being whether you give your real name and phone number or fake ones?

Where were your friends when all I wanted was a piece of a$$?  Getting the girls to go away was the hard part...harder still --> finding that one that I don't want to go away.  But I'm preaching to the choir on that one.

Been there! Have done the online dating thing off and on for a while, and find that most of the guys I go out with are perfectly nice...there's just no spark. I've found a few, though, that are really fun and interesting. It just takes some time...Dating often feels like a lot of work...

Erin

What needs to happen for a spark to be felt?  Are they just being too passive?  Something about them that irks you?  

I think this is where a lot of guys struggle (myself included).  I can't count how many times I've had dates that went great, but then the girl slowly tapers off all communication.

Yup...all of these things. I think, for me, the "spark" is much less about looks than it is about humor/wit. If a guy can make me laugh, and is intelligent/verbal enough to have a good conversation with on a first date...98 times out of 100 I'm going to be up for a second date.

This obviously goes both ways, too... The last couple of guys I've been out with a few times ended up fading...not me. We got along great, but they obviously didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about them. 

As to your questions? The two most common issues are: (1) Yes...too passive...though being too aggressive kind of weirds me out, too...so...I have little to offer in the way of advice here. It's a difficult needle to thread; and (2) being really self involved. I ask a lot of questions in the first few dates...but with some guys, I'll get to the end of the night and realize that they didn't ask me more than one or two. And then I get annoyed.

Update to the date that never was: 

Today was supposed to be date #2 with the woman I met last weekend.

Yesterday, while driving to my sisters, I get a text from her.  (I'm already almost in Oregon after 2 hours of driving, it's 5:30 p.m.) 

"I'm not going to be able to go out tomorrow night have work obligations I cannot get out of.  Ceo will be in town and we are going out with executives from company we are trying to partner with."

Me:

"but I packed my sexy jeans...I'd hate for them to go to waste....want to go out later tonight instead? It can't be for dinner, i'm meeting my sister and some friend in about 30 minutes for dinner...but we could get a glass of wine or something"

Her:

"I have plans tonight or I would"

Me: 

"I had a good time last weekend, and I was really looking forward to this weekend"  

Then silence...nothing from her for 30 minutes... so I send her a final text..

"If I was going to get blown off this weekend, I would have preferred a text before I drove down here....take care."

"Just so you know, it's not that you cancelled tomorrow night, I understand things come up, it's that you didn't offer up any alternative whatsoever."

She sent me one last text.

"Wow u are taking this way too personal.  You didn't give me a chance to offer up an alternative.  I'm busy tonight.  I have to work tomorrow and surly don't want to and I didn't want to assume you were hanging around Sunday."  

Are you fricking kidding me?  This is somehow my fault?  I didn't give her a chance to offer an alternative...really?  You couldn't type one sentence in any of your texts to me that said "So Sorry to do this to you..can't make Saturday - are you free Sunday?"  

You didn't want to assume I was hanging around Sunday?  You actually thought I would drive to Portland (2 1/2 hours), take you to Dinner, and then drive all the way home the same night?  

Good riddance.  Lucky I got out of that one.  Saved my dinner money and get to hang out with my sister and her family instead.

Next! 

http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

Muskrat...buddy...you messed this one up.  

The conversation, if it were me, would have went like this.

"I'm not going to be able to go out tomorrow night  have work obligations I cannot get out of.  Ceo will be in town and we are going out with executives from company we are trying to partner with."

Me: "That's ok.  Life happens. Are you busy Sunday?"

 While I think your attempt at humor was noble, I thought it was a bit heavy on the sauce, but maybe my texting lacks personality.  Different strokes, I reckon.

"I had a good time last weekend, and I was really looking forward to this weekend"  

 This text started pushing her away.  She can't control something work related happening, and you sending this isn't helping.

If I was going to get blown off this weekend, I would have preferred a text before I drove down here....take care."

"Just so you know, it's not that you cancelled tomorrow night, I understand things come up, it's that you didn't offer up any alternative whatsoever"

Patience!  You just burned a bridge to a potentially awesome woman that you met just a couple of weeks ago over ONE cancellation.

In my opinion, she's right.  You did take it too personally.  Maybe she was doing something and couldn't text within 30 minutes of your last text.

I only say this, because I lost a girl doing what you just did.  Ladies, is my logic wrong here?

Very interesting to read everyone's perspectives.

If it was me cancelling plans at the last minute, I would have said something like "I am sooooo sorry to do this to you, but something came up at work and I'm not going to be able to make it tomorrow night.  Do you have any other free time this weekend?"  

Doesn't the onus fall on the person cancelling?  If she would have said "What are your plans the rest of the weekend?"  I would have had ZERO problem with the cancellation.  She had multiple opportunities to do that - she didn't.  Then, she made it worse when she said that I didn't give her an opportunity to offer up an alternative.  

Also interesting that Carrot thinks the whole thing sounded needy.  I am anything but needy.  This is one of the reasons I prefer a good old fashioned phone call to texting.  I thought that after offering up Friday -and getting shot down - following with "how about Sunday?" would sound pretty needy.  Like a bad comedy skit "Can you go out Friday?" "Nope - I'm busy"  "How about Saturday?  Sunday?  Monday?  Next weekend?..."  

You think that line would push someone away - I'd be thrilled if someone sent that! 

As an observer..I think you were true to yourself here - you said you enjoyed meeting, you said you were a little annoyed you drove all that way for nothing.

I'm a stickler for manners, her opening line was I'm not going to be able to go out tomorrow night, there was no sorry or apology offered.  I would have said, I hope you haven't driven already.

In fact if you're doing that I wouldve phoned not sent a message.  I think she got cold feet.

The frowny emoticon was her "I'm sorry and I feel bad about this".  

They went out once.  If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have set up date #2.