Help me work this out in my head...

well in life we have many choices. And although I do not have kids, I have a wife (or future wife, to be married 12 days after Placid, hopefully ) and she does not do triathlons. So although I don't have to make time for kids, I have to make time for her.

In the end we need to do what makes us happy. There will always be races, there won't always be softball tournaments your kids play in.

If you truly love training then train, since that is where you get your rush from. Yes, races are great and they let us know how hard we train but those days can be 'simulated' with hard training days.

I may never know what it is like to make time for kids since we are both older but I do know what it is like to have someone in my life that wants to do things and is sacrificing her summer to allow me to train from Triple T ohio and Placid. I know that I need to make sacrifices as well. Ever try to plan a vacation when training for a big race??? After a couple,"Honey I need to get up at 5am to run/swim" while on vacation I am sure it rubs the wrong way. Or"Oh, I didn't know it was $200 to ship my bike..."

We need to make ourselves happy before we can make anyone else happy and it sounds as if you already know what you are going to do. Plus, as your daughter gets older she will thank you, even if she doesn't understand it now.

Plus next year after you train your patootie off this year you will CRUSH your comp. They will have no clue what hit them!@ 

Take my "not a parent" comment with a grain of salt.

I love that you are committed to seeing your daughter play every game. That says a lot about you! But what about showing her that you also have goals and commitment follow-through in your own life? That while you are her parent first, you are also your own person with your own goals. That kind of thing. Just a thought.

Growing up, at least one of my parents came to every one of my events - it was great. But there were times when my Dad couldn't make it because of a commitment - sometimes it was work, sometimes it was church, sometimes it was for fun. I admire that he had his own life and found some sort of balance to strike. 

I know your struggle. I have 2 kids, both play sports; my son (12) plays D1 (select) soccer, we travel regionally to soccer tournaments at least once a month, sometimes twice and practice 2-3 nights per week. My daughter (7) is in gymnastics and we're there twice a week for that. I try to spread my time evenly and plan my races carefully. Unfortunatley, we are gonna miss my daughter's exhibition due to the fact that I already had signed up for a race and the gym waited until a month before to announce their exhibition date. We recently missed one soccer tournament due to a different conflict with my wife's schedule. So, yes I know your struggle....

My advice is this:

I try to give my kids every opportunity to play competitive sports and be active and most of all have fun, no matter the cost; my wife and I make sacrifices in order for them to do that. HOWEVER, my wife and I cannot and refuse to stop living our lives and sacrifice so much that we lose ourselves and our passions in the process. We have interests and activities that we enjoy as well and we just balance it all out as best we can; if that means somebody misses a soccer tourney, or a triathlon, or a concert, etc, then so be it, but we try to make sure everyone gets something they want on the calendar. My kids don't have any problems with it, and nor do we. So I guess that's what works for my family.

I see both extremes too, though; I see parents that sacrifice everything and give up everything in their life so their kid can play soccer or whatever. And I see parents that are selfish and totally oblivious to what their kids want to do and the kids don't get to participate in any extra-curricular activities. I don't agree with either. For me, personally, I think it's best to balance everyone's interests and that teaches the kids more about respect and sacrifice, without excluding them from activities.

Just my humble opinion.

I'm kind of in the same boat.  I am a stay-at-home mom.  I hate that term though because I have lots of jobs (Treasurer to swim team and church and Secretary for local high school band program).  So I'm plenty busy at home and out and about.  Anyway, my girls are 13 and 16.  They are involved in Community Theater that has an outdoor drama every Sat. evening from Memorial Day to Labor Day.  They are also part of school and community choir, band, swim team and school theater.  They also audition for various and asst. things.  So sometimes we are in limbo.  My youngest daughter has auditioned for a part in the Virginia honor choir and we won't know till sometime in May if she makes it.  With swim team, we know that the meets will start in June and end in July.  We don't get dates until the week of a meet.  So in our case if we (my hubby and me) sign up for something and pay for it and start training for it, then chances are when the day gets here that the kids will have some type of event that same day.  I am very hesitant to sign up for anything.  The last marathon I ran I signed up for it almost a year in advance.  It sells out quickly, and my girls auditioned for a role in a play.  They both got roles and started practicing.  I asked the director when the play would be, and I was told "some time in the spring."  So we get the dates for the show and one of the dates was for the same day as my marathon.  Luckilly they put that show on 4 times, so I was able to see it twice, but I still had to work out all the details with getting someone to keep the girls, get them to the theater on time with hair and makeup and all that jazz.  So it has become very stressful to try to balance this life of racing and being a parent.  But, I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world.  I love the training.  Possibly more than actual races, because races are stressful for me in that I have to hurry up and race and then leave to get back to the kids and whatever they might have on their agenda.  I never get to take part in post race festivities.  There is a group of folks in my area and sometimes we plan group runs and rides so we can "race" each other and then either all go out to eat as a group, or in some cases we do a potluck after our "race."  It feels kinda like a post race event, but it's not.  A lot of the local events in my area do allow race day registration so in the event of a free weekend, I can go to something within 2 hours of my home and wing it.  But I train all the time and love it.

jami         

You need to prioritize what is important to you and be able to give and take. What if you weren't a teacher and had to work weekends. Its not like you are racing every weekend. Maybe you only race shorter races like a sprint/olympic that doesn't take up the whole day leaving you time to go watch some ball after the race. If you chose to race you could look at races that are close to her tourney's. It comes down to needs and wants and possibly having both.

I have three kids that I drive two around to baseball and the other to swimming and can't be there for all of them. Pick your spots but don't give up on the training. Good luck.

3 kiddos here.  Our daughter has been doing soccer now on the weekends, and practice twice a week.  We aren't able to make every game together as a family unit, but we also live by the following creedo: 

Happy Parents are the foundation of a strong family.  We are including our kids into our triathlon journey. We want to show them that when you work hard at something, you are rewarded for it with the confidence and satisfaction of never giving up.  Our daughter is at the age where we can communicate to her why we do it and what it means to us.  

For example, this weekend the hubby and I are both racing in the Marble Falls triathlon.  She has a soccer game, but we decided that it would be a fun and rewarding experience for the whole family to come with us.  Our daughter will get to be there to support us, just like we support her.  I think she will gain the wisdom to see that we are a family unit and make sacrifices for each other, but they are rewarding for us all.  

I would say remember this:  Yes, they do grow up really fast, and you never want to miss anything, but also remember that you don't want to sacrifice living your life too.  In the end you will both remember that life was about living it and going for your passions!  

I am of the opinion that you don't need to attend EVERY game your children participate in.  My god, the world will come to an end if you miss that great catch or home run etc.  Don't get me wrong, we want to be there during this age of course, but maybe teach them life is not always centered around THEM.  They need to learn dissappointment etc.

Just my two $ 0.02

So what you are saying is that an individual race for you and your husband is more important than the commitment your daughter made to her soccer team?  Her teammates and coaches are now left in a lurch because you decided that it was more important for you to be in a race than for her to fulfill her commitment.  Your actions are causing her to have let down her coaches and teammates.

I believe your decision to elevate yourself over your daughter's commitment invalidates everything your "family credo" stands for (or should I say "parent centric credo" which would be more accurate?).  Hasn't her team worked hard?  Shouldn't they be rewarded with the confidence and satisfaction of never giving up?   Your actions are communicating that your inidvidual work and individual goals are more important than her soccer teams work and goals.  What are you teaching her about the value of following through on committments or the prinicples of team and being part of a team?

You have to find the right balance for you and your family.

I have a 13 year old son that plays select (D-1) soccer and a 16 year old daughter that plays select volleyball.  The volleyball has us out of town more weekends in the spring than soccer does.  

If I am training for a big race that I sign up for way in advance (i.e. a marathon, HIM or full Ironman), then they know that if they have a game that same weekend, I won't be there.  But they also know that I miss a lot of events that I want to do because I would rather be at their game.  Sometimes I'll even ask them how important a particular game is.  If it's against a lesser team that my son's soccer team is 90% likely to beat, he may say "you don't have to be at the game", but if it's a big rival, then he wants me there.

I can do a lot of local smaller races (5k, 10k, sprints, etc) and still make the game.  For the bigger events, we talk as a family before I sign up.  Once I pay the money, though, that becomes MY priority for that day and we work everything else out.

So far it has worked for us.

I don't have kids, so please take this with a grain of salt.

My mother is a teacher and my father owns a branch of an insurance agency (so, flexibility in scheduling). I'm the oldest of three girls, and each of us were very involved in a different sport -- swimming for me, competitive cheerleading for my middle sister, and soccer for my youngest sister. All of our sports required extensive weekend travel for all-day meets and invitationals.

We always sat down as a family with our schedules and mapped out what events we most wanted them to come to -- maybe a big championship, or a matchup against a rival. I always knew that if I really wanted a parent there, they would come through for me, but there was no physical way for them to come to everything for all of us.  I think it was a good lesson in learning that the world didn't revolve around me, that I needed to respect my parents' and siblings' needs, and that I was capable of handling things on my own. It also made me a much more independent person, which I am thankful for.

I would intend to take the same approach with my hypothetical child.

No this is not against anything at all.  For one, it was discussed with her coaches that she wouldn't be there this weekend.  Also, we are talking about U7 soccer with no positions, and they are playing for fun, no one keeps score.  There wasn't a problem in us signing up for this event after it was discussed.  I don't think this is parent centric.  We are talking one day on one weekend.  

I fully support my child in everything she does, but I think it's ok to support her parents in their goals.  

You don't have to lecture me about teams and being a good teammate.  I am a former NCAA athlete, and am fully aware of the commitments you make to you team.  You want to talk parent centric, you can talk to my parents who never came to a soccer game or supported me throughout.  I think one game isn't going to kill my daughter, dash her hopes, or devastate her teammates.  

I also don't think this makes us selfish parents, but if you want to think that, so be it. 

Hey, no problem, and I see plenty with the same attitude.....but my kids aren't playing on your team.....ever.