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2013-12-21 3:06 PM

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Master
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North edge of nowhere
Subject: Athletes' winter haikus
• The cold wind blows, sharp
The desert is frozen, still.
I wanted to ride.

• Sliced deep, to the bone,
nothing moves not bundled-up.
I wanted to run.

• Skin feels brittle
and it hurts to take a breath.
maybe the trainer?

• Eyes tear in the cold,
frostbite is not a good thing.
maybe the treadmill?



Each to be taken individually, but also as a collective.
Constructive criticism isn't resented; I've not written haiku since jr. high. I know "on" are not the same as syllables, but Westerners have modified the style as such, and it works well for my purposes.


2013-12-21 5:24 PM
in reply to: 0

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Master
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Somewhere on the Tennessee River
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus

I like it.   That the collective haikus have a theme and tells a story moves it from the simple level that is a haiku to becoming the higher level that is poetry.

Just my two cents.

  Keep writing.



Edited by MadMathemagician 2013-12-21 5:25 PM
2013-12-22 8:05 PM
in reply to: MadMathemagician

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Master
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North edge of nowhere
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus
Thank you, I appreciate that very much.

Originally posted by MadMathemagician

I like it.   That the collective haikus have a theme and tells a story moves it from the simple level that is a haiku to becoming the higher level that is poetry.

Just my two cents.

  Keep writing.


2013-12-22 8:48 PM
in reply to: RBesecke

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Expert
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Greenville, SC
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus

Air escapes like smoke,
The hill is burning my lungs.
Today I conquer!

2013-12-22 9:45 PM
in reply to: 0

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Master
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Saigon, Vietnam
Silver member
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus
Outdoor pool in snow
Speedoed forms glide through steam clouds
Are we all crazy?

In case you want to explore other forms: In HS I once wrote a poem in iambic pentameter about running for each of 12 months of the year. Will spare you from that. I can't find it anyway, and only remember a few lines of "January. Offered here for all those dealing with "real" winter weather--

By January I am always clad
In thermals, long sleeves, Gore-tex, gloves, and hat.
Thus, onion-like, wrapped in layers myriad
I stiffly plod, feel out of shape and fat.....



Edited by Hot Runner 2013-12-22 9:50 PM
2013-12-23 3:20 AM
in reply to: Clempson

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Master
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North edge of nowhere
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus
Originally posted by Clempson

Air escapes like smoke,
The hill is burning my lungs.
Today I conquer!




I like it; it's strong.

Originally posted by Hot Runner

Outdoor pool in snow
Speedoed forms glide through steam clouds
Are we all crazy?

In case you want to explore other forms: In HS I once wrote a poem in iambic pentameter about running for each of 12 months of the year. Will spare you from that. I can't find it anyway, and only remember a few lines of "January. Offered here for all those dealing with "real" winter weather--

By January I am always clad
In thermals, long sleeves, Gore-tex, gloves, and hat.
Thus, onion-like, wrapped in layers myriad
I stiffly plod, feel out of shape and fat.....




Yah, we're all crazy to some extent. If I had a pool available, I'd be there.
Onion-like. I hadn't thought of it that way.


2013-12-23 7:53 PM
in reply to: RBesecke

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Extreme Veteran
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Maryland
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus

Treadmill Facing Out

The Window Holding A Sign.

It Says Champion

2013-12-26 9:42 AM
in reply to: dmiller5

Iron Donkey
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, Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus

Nice work, everyone!

2013-12-28 9:32 AM
in reply to: RBesecke

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Pro
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Harrisburg, PA
Subject: RE: Athletes' winter haikus

Holidays are done.

Let's go, time to train again!

Get off your fat butt!

 

 

 

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