Phrases I've always hoped to get a legitimate opening to say

Heh.  I've used the first one on numerous occasions.

I generally use the phrases I want to. 

" I'd like to thank the Nobel  Prize selection committee..........."

or

"I'll take my lottery winnings in a lump sum, thanks"

"Why yes Ms. Alba, I would like another Mimosa after we have another go.  How about you Ms. Johannson?" [With permission from my wife, who could be there as well if she wanted to be.]

"Avengers Assemble!"

"There are two rules in war, doctor. One is, young men die. The second is, doctors can't change rle number one."  I actually say this anyway, but that's because it's fun to say.

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl harbor?" hmm I say this too.

"No Deal!"

"You want me on that wall! You NEED me on that wall!"  Hmm I say that too when I'm pseudo-mean to the residents.

I pretty much say what I want too, except the "Avengers Assemble!" That way I could be Thor and the son of Odin.  That would be cool.

heh, that reminds me...

You can't handle the truth!

Although I wouldn't be able to say it without cracking up, at my pathetic attempt to impersonate Jack. 

"FOOD FIGHT!"

I want to thank the American Theatre wing for this Antoinette Perry award for ________. 

TMI for only my second cup-o-joe

"I'm gonna need you to go ahead and get undressed and put this on."

The problem is, I'm not in the medical profession.   

Or:

"It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

Now, a serial killer I may be. 

I find a strange love for that movie:

What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway. No, I mean we shouldn't have to do this, it makes no logical sense, why is it here?

Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to kill it.
Jason Nesmith: Kill it? Well, I'm open to any suggestions.
Tommy Webber: Go for the eyes, like in episode 22!
Jason Nesmith: He doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!
Tommy Webber: Go for the mouth, then, the throat, his vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock! It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
Guy Fleegman: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

OK! OK!  I'm done....SORRY. Could someone just start an "I love Galaxy Quest" thread so I can get this out of my system?  No, no...I'm done.  Seriously.

Couple of weeks ago at Disney World we were on Splash Mountain and at the end of the ride things were backed up so we had to wait a few minutes to get to the unloading area.  I turned to the rest of our group and said, "Well this is a real logjam."

It's a miracle they didn't throw me overboard.

I am a freekazoid come on and wind me up. 

It never comes up in conversation though. 

My kind of humor... 

Maybe once the time machine is invented?

"It's time to go sleepy bye you worthless piece of garbage."

I have a few people from high school(graduated in '89) in mind I am saving this for but one of them is almost completely bald...lol ... I'll let him live.

"Obviously you're not a golfer."

<actually, I use that one quite a lot>

Yep, definitely would have earned  a smile outta me!

How about, "I'd like to thank the Academy..."