GF not ready to finish, much less race

Solid advice. Thanks 

Encourage and support sounds like the best thing you can do.

Or have her go post on Slowtwitch and let them rail on her to change her mind ..... they'd be able to do it!

Seriously, I'd just emphasize that you want her to succeed and that there are inherent risks in the sport.  But be supportive of whatever her decision is ..... it's not worth the battle to try and convince her otherwise if she is set on it.  And it is only a sprint ...... she can probably do it fine.

If the race is OWS, you are right to be concerned for her safety given the lack of apparent swim skill as described in your message. I think you would be doing the right thing by helping her understand how dangerous this is. Maybe you can share the news stories from the tri last weekend in MA where people died during the swim.

If it is a pool swim, I think the danger is much less as she can just quit or take a break at the wall if the swim is too much.

But I think the "shut up and let her learn a lesson" is perhaps the wrong approach if she has a significant chance of being injured or worse. This is how I would approach it with someone I cared about.

In any case, don't get into an "I told you so" situation no matter the outcome.

FWIW.

Hmmmmmmm,,,,,  normally I'd say good advice.  But you states she can't even swim the width of the pool with her head in the water, and that completing 400m is highly doubtful.  I'd say this is different than someone who is slow who needs encouragement.

The bike, so what, she'll go slow.  Swimming unprepared can be dangerous.  You going to be in the water with her?  I've read too many disturbing headlines lately not to be really worried about this one.  [edited to say, if it's a pool swim, then like the bike, so what]

Of course, she is an adult and can make her own decisions.  If you can't convince her otherwise, at least convince her to start out in the back of the swim so she doesn't have to deal with the scrum in addition to not being prepared for the swim itself. 

I hope it works out OK for her.

Rick, did you not see this portion of the original post:

"can't swim the WIDTH of the pool with her head in the water, much less 400m with any combination of floating/swimming, etc. needed to complete the swim leg of a race."

Even though I am a sucky swimmer, I know that I can float on my back all day long if need be.  If she can't manage that, she needs to be persuaded to not try it.  Maybe you can focus on the importance of the swim portion and state frequently that you know she's a capable person, but swimming in open water is a risk.  Ask her what her plan is when, 150 yards in, she tires and cannot continue.  Can she really not float?  Let her know that help may not be close by and other swimmers might have to help her, which is also not good.    I saw for myself at my first tri a swimmer who couldn't go on and was struggling, but was too far from a buoy or kayak volunteer.  She was also freaking out and said she was "fine", when she clearly wasn't.  I hate to imagine what would have happened if myself (who called for help, since she could not) and another swimmer (who held onto her and calmed her down) hadn't happened to stop and look up at that moment.

 Edited to say:  If your estimation of her ability is correct, I would go so far as to say it's worth risking your relationship for.  Tell her you are saying this, even though you know she will find it upsetting.  But that you are serious and her safety is paramount.

I would rather be an honest jerk than a supportive liar.  You told her what you think and all because you care for her, if she already made up her mind probably there isn’t much what you can do. I would do what Mike said about asking her to swim/bike the distance before the race as training and hopefully if she is unprepared it will be obvious to her.

The swim won’t be the only dangerous part, riding a bike is even more dangerous with poor skills and many people swinging by at faster speed causing a safety concern for her AND other riders…

I hope she can understand that you are not encouraging her cuz you actually care for her…

Agreed, one thing I have learned in 15 years of marriage: Sometimes brutal honesty is the most important form of love.

Here's the thing: She can't swim a lick, is afraid of the water (putting her head under especially) and I recognize in her, the same 'problems' with swimming that others I know have - they're afraid of drowning - which is OK.

We've been going to beginner swim lessons for a couple months and she HAS gotten better, but....I know how hard this sport is and she has done NO continuous lap training since, well, since March.

The race is OW BTW in a nice warm lake. 

As a personal experience parallel: I convinced a buddy of mine last summer to train with me. He's been swimming since he was young and in training I was impressed with his swimming. In the same race last year, he almost quit 200m in. After the race he told me he was "THIS" close to swimming to the lifeguard and stopping - and he can swim! 

We'll have a talk tonight and I'll keep you updated. I'm leaning towards letting her do the race.

Well letting vs not letting is not really the issue, as (I presume) you cannot physically prevent her from participating.

Do I take this to mean that you are leaning towards "encouraging" her to do the race?

If so, given that you just said she cannot swim a lick and it is OWS and thus dangerous for a severely undertrained swimmer, I wonder why you are leaning that way? Just being a pushover to avoid a fight?

Do you really fear for her safety or not??

Is she a "natural" athlete? I have a brother who hadn't been swimming/biking/etc. in forever who did his first tri last year and survived. They tend to be the hardest to convince that training is necessary.

If she's set on doing it, and won't/can't put her head in the water for the swim, get to the pool and practice breast stroke with her head out - or doggy paddle or side stroke or rescue stroke or something. She can do the swim without doing freestyle, but she'll be slower and it will wear her out faster. But, if she's determined to do it, at least working on swim strokes she can do - with her head out - will help.

Edit: Also, if you're close enough to a lake, you could always do a practice run of the tri this weekend. But DON'T go out there with the expectation that she'll quit. She needs to see the dangers herself and make her decision with that knowledge. 

I echo the sentiments of those who say you should encourage her not to do the tri.

BUT, my question is:

Why is she doing it in the first place? If she doesn't have the desire to train (which is like the most important, fun, and fulfilling part of the whole experience), why does she want to race? Is she really excited to do a tri? Is it because she thinks it will make you happy? Is she trying to understand you a little better? Maybe there are some other issues that are causing her apathy towards prepping for the race. I dunno, that's just me. Maybe I can't see it from her perspective because I am so Type A when it comes to training...

Good luck. Be safe .

If this were ST, I'd say, "I'd fear for YOUR safety if you were in the room right now" but it's not ST.

 Maybe you should move on from this thread if you're out of advice that HELPS?

First you say you are concerned about her safety (very first line of the original post), then you say you are leaning towards letting her do it, after restating how bad her swim training is.

No need for veiled threats, I am not your enemy. Just trying to help you understand what you think is the right thing to do.

x2

Hmm, I think Lauren may have hit on something. Maybe your GF is trying to enter your tri world, and maybe it's really important for her to do this because of that. I've taken up smacking golf balls lately because it's what my hubby loves (I even let him buy me irons. Please help. ).

Is there something she really, really loves and has been bugging you to do that you could do race weekend instead? If you want to talk her out of a race, that might be the way to do it.

If not, get your woman to the pool and get to swimmin'.

I hear you....I'm just confused. If (hypothetically) my GF who had done 8 tris over the last 2 years had told ME that I wasn't ready for my first sprint race and told me that she feared for my safety, I'd listen - I think.

I guess we have uncovered another problem...