GF not ready to finish, much less race (Page 2)

Another possibility here (as we all begin to play armchair psychotherapist)... Does your GF's background as a runner include a great deal of people telling her to never give up?  to never quit?  Does she see the need to back off this tri for another one later on as an equivalent to quitting, which really is not the same thing... but it's her perspective that matters. 

Usually very emotional/energetic reactions mean that we have hit upon something fairly close to one's identity.  Her comment about "that's the way I do things" would seem to point in that possible direction.  If you can raise the topic in a non-confrontational way, at a time far removed from training, you can always reassure her that it is not about your belief that she cannot do it (which might be another reason for the reaction i.e. "you don't believe I can do it/you aren't supportive of me" -- her perception of your comment -- which may stem from experiences she had before you ever met -- think family of origin).  For as much as threads around here ultimately devolve into "you have to find what works for you" there are clearly some ways of going about things that are just bad. 

But I agree... this conversation needs to happen.  Let her know you care for her and want to see her complete a tri safely. 

 Peace,
Brian

LOL! Yeah, may as well move out if you drop this bomb!

Actually, as a sprint triathlete (yet to move up to an Oly) makes me a bit steamed to think folks view a sprint as such a piece of cake that no training is even needed.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Last summer I did a tri with my son who was 17, nephew who was 16, daughter who was 11, and brother 44. The kids said they'd train but of course didn't. I didn't really care how they did on the bike/run as they could breath. My 11 year old I made get a used cheap wetsuit to allow her to do an ows...the swim was long maybe 600-700 yds not the 500 they said it would be.

I made my kids prove they can swim the distance...they did it once, so I let them do the tri and start in the newbie wave with more careful lifeguarding. 

Honestly most folks if you plop them in the water could move that far in the water via dog paddle, side stroke, back stroke, etc. It depends if she stays calm and can just get thru the swim any way she can and not panic.

In some clever way or tactiful way, maybe bring up the incident here in MA, say I love you and want you to have  a great time at the tri, but I'm concerned about you being safe during the swim. If something happened to you, I'd be xxxxx. Lay it on thick.....then say something can we go to the race site and just do the swim. I'll just be there with you to support you. I'll feel so much better knowing you can do it which I'm sure you can.  Then do just that swim with her and be supportive and not a negative word.

Once you know she can or can't do the swim, she should be able to make the right decision to race in the tri or not.

This is how I'd handle it....good luck! 

The "tri suit makes your butt look big" remarl would probably convince her not to do it.

I'll play amateur psychologist here as well. I recall training for my first tri that the sprint distances can be deceptive. Individually, each distance is easy to do - even for a fat guy like me. It's putting them together that sucks. I didn't realize how hard it actually was until I started doing bricks. I learned my lesson the hard way.

The other thing that may be going through her mind is the sense that the events are "equal" in difficulty - the swim is about as hard as the bike is about as hard as the run. For you mathematical folks, s=b=r. Given her running background, she probably thinks that doing a sprint is like running a 15k or 9.3 miles, and since she's done several 1/2 mary's, in her mind, 9.3 miles < 13.1 miles, therefore, the tri should be easy. This logic isn't totally off the wall since there's obviously some carry-over in endurance. However, specificity rules, and in the end, running a marathon every day will not make you a competent swimmer.

I think marmadaddy's advice is right on. I would add to it that you should encourage her to do some bricks to let her experience firsthand what it's like to force your body to switch focus to another discipline. Again, from my own experience, I was a bit surprised at how rude it was to go immediately from swimming to biking.

Question is....can she swim the distance with her head out of the water?  You said she cannot do it with her head in the water.....this just means she won't be fast.  If she can sidestroke or breaststroke the distance or do an awkward head up freestyle, there is no issue.  She might not be doing it "right" by some people's standards....but she will be doing it.

If on the other hand, she cannot swim the distance, head up, head down or any sort of stroke.....then you are absolutely right to try to get her to train more.

 Does she have the sense to stop, tread water, and wave her hands for help if she is in trouble?

"She got very angry, insisted this is how she does things, that she is ready now and that under no circumstance will we delay this race. "

With an attitude like that, I'd make a mental note to keep that one in GF status and not wife status.

I'd also consider taking out a little life insurance policy prior to the race. If simple common sense from you turns into you getting ripped a new one, well you might as well make a little money off of your troubles.

Well, when you're ready to talk, tell us the tri-related outcome. If you now need relationship advice, COJ should be able to help .

I hope everything works out for the best...for everyone!

:clap clap clap: 

Sorry to hear about the rough night... hang in there. 

 Peace,
Brian