Why do guys always have to buy the gifts?

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 4:36 PM Reading all these threads I've gathered one notion: If you're a man who buys gifts for women, you're a keeper. If you don't, then something is wrong with you, scumbag. Oh and that men are disgusting pigs. But WAIT! Why do men always have to be the one giving gifts? It has to be because women's love can be bought while men's love must be earned. Yes. That's it.

maggyruth - 2010-02-22 2:42 PM Have you ever read the 5 Love Languages?  I'll bet that those people who are exclaiming over the little presents have 'gifts' as their primary love languages.  It can and does go both ways.

I can honestly say that is not my primary love language...words of affirmation and quality time are.  Don't get me wrong, the little gift now and again are nice, but my fiancé telling me he is proud of me or spending time with me is way more important.

tupuppy - 2010-02-22 2:47 PM

Started reading The 5 Love Languages, got about 1/4 the way into it and asked my wife to read it also (we've read books at the same time with each of us having our own book mark).  She didn't touch it.  I stopped reading.

Oh yeah, SHE also bought a book called 'The House That Cleans Itself.'  Again, I started reading it and loved the line of thinking it presented.  The wife...NEVER TOUCHED IT.  I stopped reading it...for now...to be continued upon our next house.

Bigfuzzydoug - 2010-02-22 3:00 PM

Such "He-Man Woman-Haters Club" responses in this thread! 



I should teach "man classes":

The act of buying your woman a gift has nothing to do with spending money or giving her something material.  It has everything to do with four things:

1.  I listen to you.  I thereby...
2.  understand how you feel.  I thereby...
3.  know what makes you feel good.  I thereby...
4.  thought to do/buy something that would make you feel good.

Trust me.  The flowers had about 5% to do with it.  The wine corks were 95% and say, "I know how important to you it is the time we spend drinking wine together."  The act does numbers 1-4 above for Meg.  For some women it can be something small and inexpensive, for others it's a large chunk of pressured coal.  It all depends, but the same four rules above always apply.

And then she reciprocates in the standard, normal way that works best with us guys...

pizza!  (sometimes beer, food, sports and video games work too.  But pizza always applies.)


It's that simple.

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 5:04 PM  you shouldn't have to pay for things to say stuff like `I listen to you.' or `I understand how you feel' or `I know what makes you feel good.' Those can all be done without purchasing gifts.

Bigfuzzydoug - 2010-02-22 3:00 PM Such "He-Man Woman-Haters Club" responses in this thread! 

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 11:04 AM Yeesh I dunno about you but I would hope whichever woman I'm with doesn't only put out after I buy her something. There's a name for women like that. Also, you shouldn't have to pay for things to say stuff like `I listen to you.' or `I understand how you feel' or `I know what makes you feel good.' Those can all be done without purchasing gifts.

Shaved_Wookie - 2010-02-22 4:21 PM

Sure they can... and should be done on a regular basis. However, the four things listed is how she interprets it. The gift or gesture don't have to be expensive. This is a prime example of "its the thought that counts". Women like to feel that we men are putting some form of effort into the relationship on an emotional level. It doesn't take a lot to make ourselves a hero on these few days each year. After all, she's worth the effort (I know mine is).

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 3:36 PM

Why do men always have to be the one giving gifts?

It has to be because women's love can be bought while men's love must be earned. Yes. That's it.

maggyruth - 2010-02-22 4:12 PM

Really?  Of course, at this point I'm just going to assume that you didn't read my posts.  It's ok...I don't need quality time from you...*sniff, sniff*

Bigfuzzydoug - 2010-02-22 3:49 PM



I'm confused.  The sarcasm...  I think I know why.  I probably meant to post that line in the "he's a keeper" thread.  I might have been posting to both at the same time and goofed.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't shower my wife with material gifts... can't afford to, nor would she want it.  It's the little things that count; a Katz's pastrami on rye sandwhich here, a coupe of loads of laundry there, the surprise babysitter and date-night, the daddysitter and mommies night out, etc, that mean the most.  And as for quality time, that's all my family ever does!  Too much in fact.  That's the reason I'm BIGfuzzydoug and not FAST-SKINNYfuzzydoug.  Sacrifice too much training time for family quality time.

Perfect example:  Yesterday it was 72 and sunny here.  First time all year.  A perfect day for a long 50-mile training ride.  Buuuuuuuuut instead, I did a 6-mile ride with Gracie on her bike and Kyle on his scooter (who would take breaks to ride in the bike trailer.)  Kid still managed about 5 miles on a Razr though!  Awesome!  Hardly a workout especially with a long break at the farm to see the animals, but whaddyagonnado?  It's quality time.

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 4:43 PM Cooking dinner is not `buying' a gift. That's doing something nice. But by saying that you cooked dinner, you're implying that she is the one who is usually required to cook dinner, which takes us back to traditional gender roles with the woman in the kitchen and the man not in the kitchen.

mr2tony - 2010-02-22 4:57 PM OK no offense BFD, I don't know you or your lifestyle or family, but these things you're pointing out aren't what I'd consider `doing something nice.' I would say cooking dinner and spending time with her and your daughter are things that you should be doing anyway. Again, no offense, and if that's your idea and your wife's idea of doing something nice, then it sounds like it works. As an aside, I used to buy my wife gifts for Valentines Day, her birthday, our anniversary and of course Christmas. But I also cooked dinner oftentimes, made breakfast nearly every weekend day, got up with the dogs in the morning and cleaned the house a lot (mostly because she was a stacker -- she'd stack everything up in piles and let them sit forever). I didn't consider those things as favors to her, they were just part of teh daily routine. Anyway I'm now divorced, so take whatever I say at face value.