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2013-07-09 10:20 AM
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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by HonoluluAngel

Yeah sorry if it seems confusing. I titled the post that way as I thought it would be broader. For the record neither I nor my ex were lovers or lesbians. At one time we had been very good friends, working together 5 days a week and training on weekends, that's 7 days a week spending time together. She was a control freak and it didn't bother me until she got pissed at me training w someone else who IS gay and she happens to dislike gays. Then other issues at work deteriorated the friendship. She did not walk off the job due to triathlons. The issue I wanted feedback on was how you handled seeing an ex or ex friend at races and how negative emotions affected your race, was it worth it to go.

Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks. I felt I was proactive in 1) finding a different training partner and 2) moving my desk to further avoid tension w a psycho. The fact that she decided to quit is not my problem, and I couldn't control her reactions to me training w a gay person. I really hate drama but this unfortunately did happen and could be good reality tv material. It's more peaceful at work and I will go to the race and do what I love.

Serious answer is:
1. You either take the high road and say hello, or you pretend they don't exist. Choice is yours.
2. Focus on YOUR RACE. After all, unless you're a coach or pacer (not in tri, obviously, not even in a gorilla suit), racing is all about YOU.
3. Of course it's worth it. See point #2.

Edited by BrianRunsPhilly 2013-07-09 10:21 AM


2013-07-09 10:34 AM
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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel Yeah sorry if it seems confusing. I titled the post that way as I thought it would be broader. For the record neither I nor my ex were lovers or lesbians. At one time we had been very good friends, working together 5 days a week and training on weekends, that's 7 days a week spending time together. She was a control freak and it didn't bother me until she got pissed at me training w someone else who IS gay and she happens to dislike gays. Then other issues at work deteriorated the friendship. She did not walk off the job due to triathlons. The issue I wanted feedback on was how you handled seeing an ex or ex friend at races and how negative emotions affected your race, was it worth it to go. Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks. I felt I was proactive in 1) finding a different training partner and 2) moving my desk to further avoid tension w a psycho. The fact that she decided to quit is not my problem, and I couldn't control her reactions to me training w a gay person. I really hate drama but this unfortunately did happen and could be good reality tv material. It's more peaceful at work and I will go to the race and do what I love.

I guess my only question is... seriously asking... why does it matter?

You asked for responces, and you got some. I don't think they were "negative", or "positive"... just responces. You are free to take what you like, and leave the rest.

What I am asking is it seems that this would be a non issue for most, so why is it an issue for you? And I really mean that in a nice way. Why would you think that this could potentially effect you to the point that you would hate the race and wish you didn't do it? It is just as possible to pi$$ others off to the point of turning in their best performance ever.

Obviously, we all deal with difficult people differently. Obviously, this difficult person effected you... but what is it about the race, or seeing her, that causes you such trepidation... at a race of all places? I could see a social setting where you guys had say common friends and you had to be at a party all night with her, but wanted to go and support some other friend in some sort of celebation... those types of things can get awkward espesially after some drinks... but this is just a race.

Why does it bother you so much?



Edited by powerman 2013-07-09 10:35 AM
2013-07-09 10:49 AM
in reply to: HonoluluAngel

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

2013-07-09 10:54 AM
in reply to: HonoluluAngel

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
The way she reacted to the gay person and how betrayed she felt I wonder if there was more there she could not handle. It would help explain why she was crazy. Then again if she is a control freak and felt like she lost control that also could cause a freak out.
2013-07-09 10:58 AM
in reply to: BrianRunsPhilly

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races

Originally posted by BrianRunsPhilly
Originally posted by HonoluluAngel Yeah sorry if it seems confusing. I titled the post that way as I thought it would be broader. For the record neither I nor my ex were lovers or lesbians. At one time we had been very good friends, working together 5 days a week and training on weekends, that's 7 days a week spending time together. She was a control freak and it didn't bother me until she got pissed at me training w someone else who IS gay and she happens to dislike gays. Then other issues at work deteriorated the friendship. She did not walk off the job due to triathlons. The issue I wanted feedback on was how you handled seeing an ex or ex friend at races and how negative emotions affected your race, was it worth it to go. Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks. I felt I was proactive in 1) finding a different training partner and 2) moving my desk to further avoid tension w a psycho. The fact that she decided to quit is not my problem, and I couldn't control her reactions to me training w a gay person. I really hate drama but this unfortunately did happen and could be good reality tv material. It's more peaceful at work and I will go to the race and do what I love.
Serious answer is: 1. You either take the high road and say hello, or you pretend they don't exist. Choice is yours. 2. Focus on YOUR RACE. After all, unless you're a coach or pacer (not in tri, obviously, not even in a gorilla suit), racing is all about YOU. 3. Of course it's worth it. See point #2.

And it's the gorilla suit FTW.  And, no, no it will never get old.  Never. Solid gold, right there.

2013-07-09 11:13 AM
in reply to: briderdt

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
No that wasn't what I was aiming for. All the responses were a cross section of common responses some more tactful than others


2013-07-09 11:18 AM
in reply to: chirunner134

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Exactly. There are many more instances of her freaking out over stupid things which would reveal what I was dealing with
2013-07-09 11:19 AM
in reply to: HonoluluAngel

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel No that wasn't what I was aiming for. All the responses were a cross section of common responses some more tactful than others

Don't worry about it.  People respond with a little more tact on the internet rather than face to face.  I'm guilty of it just like anyone else.  Reading some of the responses, probably not too far from what I would comment on, but I'd never actually post it knowing that I'll be at the OP's next race as well.  Good luck and kick her azz!

2013-07-09 11:26 AM
in reply to: Jason N

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Haha Jason. Case in point, this is a small community here. BTW Jason nice training volume, you'll do good in Kona
2013-07-09 11:50 AM
in reply to: briderdt

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

2013-07-09 2:03 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

That was nicely said Kate.

Of course, the OP has to understand that not everyone will see things the way she sees them and that not everyone on BT's strong suit is empathy Laughing



2013-07-09 3:03 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

Perhaps so.... but just speaking in general as to not criticise the OP... one could say I'm really bummed about this situation and just need to get it off my chest.... instead of "what do you guys think about this, or what should I do?". Just a suggestion. But I have been guilty of it.

 

2013-07-09 3:13 PM
in reply to: noelle1230

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by noelle1230
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

That was nicely said Kate.

Of course, the OP has to understand that not everyone will see things the way she sees them and that not everyone on BT's strong suit is empathy Laughing

I agree..

and feedback is what she asked for.. but there is a difference between giving feedback.. and belittling someone. I was kind of surprised at some of the comments people made, as I've seen them make some really nice ones in other threads.

I guess everyone has an off day once in a while. 

2013-07-09 3:16 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by noelle1230
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

That was nicely said Kate.

Of course, the OP has to understand that not everyone will see things the way she sees them and that not everyone on BT's strong suit is empathy Laughing

I agree..

and feedback is what she asked for.. but there is a difference between giving feedback.. and belittling someone. I was kind of surprised at some of the comments people made, as I've seen them make some really nice ones in other threads.

I guess everyone has an off day once in a while. 

Kate - I was going to make a really nice comment to her, but I didn't want to cause you anymore confusion. Laughing

2013-07-09 4:31 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Breaking up and seeing your ex at races
Originally posted by Left Brain
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by noelle1230
Originally posted by KateTri1
Originally posted by briderdt

Originally posted by HonoluluAngel  Instead many people just told me to harden the F up. Honestly It's been good to vent and despite the negative comments I feel better. I also appreciate the constructive remarks.

So basically you were just posting to get a bunch of people to agree with you?

I'm guessing she was posting to vent about someone she trained, and I'm thinking hoped for a bit of empathy, and kind constructive comments. Personally, I get enough HTFU in my own head, I don't need others to dump more on... sometimes it's nice to have a soft place to fall..

I hope you got a bit of that in the thread Honolulu A.. 

That was nicely said Kate.

Of course, the OP has to understand that not everyone will see things the way she sees them and that not everyone on BT's strong suit is empathy Laughing

I agree..

and feedback is what she asked for.. but there is a difference between giving feedback.. and belittling someone. I was kind of surprised at some of the comments people made, as I've seen them make some really nice ones in other threads.

I guess everyone has an off day once in a while. 

Kate - I was going to make a really nice comment to her, but I didn't want to cause you anymore confusion. Laughing

I think we'd be better served if you headed over to the bizarre breakup thread and told us a story.. Laughing

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