Uninterested Spouse

I tend to go it solo as well.  I do usually get a question about how a training session went.  But when it comes to race day (any distance), she has no interest in meeting at the finish line.  I've have tried to plan a fun weekend around the races, but still end up going by myself.  As an introvert, it makes those races lonely.

I have had meet ups with people from BT and Livestrong in the past.  It's hard when those people bring their families.

BT has a "racelink" feature where you can see what other BT'ers are doing a particular race. 

Many of the longer races (HIM/IM) have race threads.  When I did IMCdA, I friended a lot of the BT'ers also doing IMCdA and we met up pre/post race (in fact, one of the local BT'ers there hosted a BBQ the day before the race for us). 

I'm sorry your spouse isn't interested in the level you wish he were.  My heart kinda ached when I read that. I hope it really is "OK". Hugs :)

I don't know of anything official that helps people meet up, but with things like BT and ST, you can set up meeting up.  It does take some work ahead of time--and a desire to meet any of the people you interact with on the boards :)

I did see that someone posted in COJ about a tri group for singles on FB a few months ago.  I know you're not single, but in this context maybe that FB page would work to connect up with people for a meal or something.

I'm kind of the opposite--I like going to races where I don't know anyone and can just focus on my thing.  I can chat people up if I want but don't have to.  My husband has never come to a race either, but I like how I can just focus on the task at hand and don't have to compromise my sleeping or eating or anything.  That sounds pretty selfish, but when I race I like being by myself.

Honestly, you are ahead of many people I have seen post about "troubles" like this.

You have to realize that everyone has different interests.  We are not all going to like everything someone else does, including spouses.  I'm into tri and golf and the wife is into yoga/Pilates and dance.  We both support each other to do what they enjoy.  I want her to do what she likes.  But I'm not going to ask her how her ballet class went or the yoga session and I'm not going to bother her with talking about triathlon or the round of golf I have.

Personally, I would not WANT to make my wife wait for me to finish an HIM, much less than an IM.  Most races I go alone unless I ask her to attend.  Even then, I say "see me off and say hi in T1 then I will see you at the finish in about 6 hrs"...  I know I wouldn't want to sit around for 5 hours, and I wouldn't want her to either.

There have been a few IM's I have had to do all by myself.  Sort of sad, but not that big of a deal.  What I miss more is some Sherpa help after the event.  But again, I (and you) could always ask the spouse to attend if it's a particularly important race.  But save that request for important events, IMO.  Not every sprint or oly or HIM is worth them also giving up half their day to sit around while you are out biking/running.  To them, there's nothing to do and they don't even get to see you.

But I know how you feel.  I'm cool with it most of the time and personally, don't even want to talk about my training day.  But destination races get a little sad.  Lugging all the gear, empty hotel room, no one at the finish...  But I understand.  She would go if she could.  Mostly because she works weekends so she would have to take time off.

Agree with a lot of this. My husbands hobby is golf. I have no interest in following him around the golf course all day or trying to learn to play. He has his hobby, I have mine. We support each other by not bothering one another with the details .

I would not like racing all alone either though. I have only done that once and just didn't enjoy myself like I usually do. Now I stick to local races with lots of local friends I have met in the sport or if I plan destination races they are with friends.

If you ever race in central IL send me a PM!

Ditto to what a lot have said... my BF is a huge golfer with no interest in tri (except running). We do talk to each other about our hobbies, but not into the level of detail that goes on here. More like "how was your golf tournament?" "great, I lost a bet and tee'd off without my pants." or "how was your long ride?" "wind sucked the life out of me, I need a pizza and a nap." The End.

He has tried to explain golf details to me and I glaze over, much like he glazes over when I talk about race nutrition or aerodynamics. But we still make a big effort to support the other person.

question: do you express interest in his hobbies?

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

You live in CA... certainly you can find a tri club or a group of tri people you can hang out with! Find a tri club and go to a destination race with them! Good luck! 

I will only become interested in my wife's horses if the economy crashes and we have to eat one of them.

She will only become interested in triathlon when hell freezes over.

It works fine.

Definitely check out the "Races" and also can post a thread on your state's forum to see if anyone is doing and/or wants to meet up.

I guess I'm lucky because I met my spouse on BT. I'm usually the one to complain...

THANK YOU--hilarious! 

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

This thread is so timely.  I'm in the category of a spouse that is "somewhat" involved in my triathlon life.  She's been to a few events.  Most recently IMAZ last year, but that was as much about the destination as it was the attempt at Ironman.  She's supportive in the time I need away to train, but she also requests that there is a line that does not get crossed: blowing off important family events, signing up for expensive races without discussing it, major gear purchases,etc.

My kids always ask me how my SBR was that day.  My wife, not so much.  She just wants to know how long I will be gone and what route I intend to take incase I'm gone a lot longer then planned.

She wants us to have soemthing we can do together.  I love golf and she wants to learn to play and that may end up being our "couple" thing in the future.  She likes to go for walks with the kids and I think of "Stabbing myself in the eye with an antique fork" as someone put it earlier.

Most of the time I'm doing races without the family but with some of my club buddies.  Then it's more of a team event and we are there to cheer each other on and compete with each other at the same time.