DNF handling

Welcome to BT posting!

What amazes me about your story is your journey and all the hard work and incredible challenges and changes that have taken place. One race is one part of one day. What makes you awesome is the 99.9% of what you did beforehand to get you there.

I've trained for 8 iron races, made it to the starting line for 4, and I'm still Indonesia's most awesome aquabiker

Try to focus on the positive, which is that 99.9%. Also know how much you did FOR your coach. It's a job, but extremely few people are doing it 'cause they get rich--it's really rewarding to see your athletes grow.

Your feelings are totally legit. Accept them; it's okay to grieve, for lack of a better word. Also try to remember (this didn't necessarily make me feel better but it helped me deal with my feelings more) that dropping off of so much training (and after what you expected to be a climax--this can happen even if you finish a race well!) is kinda like heroin withdrawal. Injuries themselves can put you in a state of depression regardless of the circumstances. You're healing in many ways; it takes a lot of energy both in the strict biochemical and the airy-hippie-fairy sense.

I had busted ribs after bad crashes in a triathlon and after my IMNZ attempt (got through most of the bike and really feel where you were at when you pulled in to the aid station!) Be gentle with yourself--physically and in all ways.

All you can do is your best on any given day, you did that. Accidents happen, DNF's happen, and life goes on. Pick yourself up, get back into your training, and give it another go. We'll all be rooting for you.

There was nothing that you could have done about it. You trained, you did your hours in the water, on your bike, and on the road. There is no shame in that. In fact, you swam 1.2 miles with a broken rib.

You're amazing! 

Now it's time to heal, get back to 100%, and move on to the next race.

It's about the journey, not the destination.  Cliche, I know, but as one who has a tendency to beat myself after lackluster race performance, I've found that thought to be of comfort to me.  We spend so many hours training, so much blood, sweat and tears.  Having put so much time and effort into being prepared for this race, you've already won even before the race begins.  The race is one day.  Granted, it's not the day you'd pick to have circumstances working against you, but you have to let go of what you can't control.  Like other people's behavior and how that might affect your race.

Chin up.  You have all of this training and a very rough first HIM attempt under your belt.  A tough experience is often more valuable than an easy one.  You can't toss it all away!  Keep on keepin' on.

you are taking this very hard - have you considered seeking professional help?  it's easy for someone outside to say "it's not that big of a deal, move on" but that doesn't make it any less of a big deal to you.  i've never had this reaction to a failure in triathlon, but have experienced it in response to failure with something completely out of my control.  a traumatic/stressful event can cause a very real depression.  the good news is - exercise is proven to be great for depression!  and you can talk it out and move on on your own time and terms.  just wanted to offer a different perspective, nobody seems to be addressing this very real concern of yours.

Relax, it's just a race... 

Maybe that's easy for me to say, because it never happened to me, but I can IMAGINE it would be very disappointing to work for something to have it pulled away due to no fault of your own.

The closest thing I can relate to is training for months for my first tri to have the swim portion canceled.  After months, I wasn't even going to be a triathlete after the even.  I even teared up with frustration.

BUT, what do you take joy in?  The race or all the success and fitness you got from training?  You still have that.  Just sign up for another race.  I would look and say, yeah, I didn't get to finish the race (there will be more), but look at the weight I lost, the skills I gained, the fitness I worked for...  Wins...

ETA:  As a side note, I understand being frustrated with the person who kicked you, but no reason to bring yourself down with anger.  I'm sure they didn't mean it and there are NO rules against it.  It's something that happens.  Best to let it go and not harbor resentment.  Sort of why I pick my people I swim next to carefully and adjust my spacing.  I hang out on their toes and if they pull of even ONCE?  I find the next person to draft.

This. 

Big hug. You RULE!

There will be many more races in the future

There is nothing more you could have done for that day, and I'm amazed at what you were able to accomplish with an injury that you had absolutely NO control over!  

Your feelings are absolutely valid, but you also need to give yourself a break.  What more could you have done?  I can tell you... no a single thing.  The fact that you continued to finish the swim, and then got on the bike and rode for MILES until you physically couldn't anymore is way above and beyond.  

Take solace in the fact that you were READY for this race and, as many others have said, there are some things on race day that are out of your control... this being one of them.  You now have a choice in how you handle this.  You can either decide to let this race bring you down, or you can decide to heal and come back for another race better than ever.  

I hope we can help steer you towards the second option.   

Hey man, been there, done that.  Had an unforeseen medical issue on the swim at IMAZ, my first IM.  Pulled from the water a mile in.   I was there with a big group of friends, all of us racing.  None of them knew what had happened to me until after the race, some not until the next morning.  I was humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed, didn't want to talk to them, etc.   And yes, lots of crying and a bit of depression.  I was told by a good friend that the race is actually an emotional outlet for all of the training we'd put in.  Of course, none of my friends judged me as harshly as I did myself, they just wanted me to be OK.

In the end, my body told me that day was not a day I'd be doing my first IM.   I didn't have a choice in the matter, I didn't quit.  But I couldn't go on (i tried, you can check my race report for all the gory details).  Over the next few days I decided to register for the November IMAZ (this was the year it was held in April and Nov).  Community fund, trained all summer, went back and finished.

My only advice is to let time pass, and the pain will go away, I promise it will.  You will learn from it.  Use it at the next race. 

good luck

ETA - let me just add, having now scrolled through the postings....   With all due respect to those saying you are taking it too hard, it's just a race, seek professional help, yes, that is true, it is just a race.  To them.  However (and I also topped out at 275, and just raced Miami 70.3 at 190), I am not sure those folks have yet suffered a DNF at their first go at a distance that our "old selves" never though possible.  THis is a big deal for guys like us.  I don't think you are taking it too ahrd, I think you are taking it the right amount.  Anyway, that's just my .02.  Hang in there